Sunday or Monday?

What day does the week start on for you? See ever since I went to school I have always said the week starts on a Monday and runs through to Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the weekend before the new week starts on Monday. But Nan well she has always said the week starts on a Sunday and the reason the question comes up? Well that would be because I am trying to work out whether I can bundle Sunday into my week of hell or whether Monday and Tuesday stand alone in making this a very very crappy week. Before I tell you why it's been a bad bad week, I just want to lament about the fact that there are still so many days left in the week, I could take as a sign that I have either 5/6 days (depending on if the new week starts on Sunday or Monday). Or I could use past experience to remind myself that when things go wrong they really go wrong. But since I happen to believe that there is always a third option I am going to split the difference and say that all things good or bad come in three and keep my fingers crossed that this time it's true! I suppose telling you what has gone wrong might be a good place to start.

Sunday: This post should help you out with that. The horrible noise it was making seems to have gotten a little bit better, but it's definately looking like we will need a new internal hard drive this month. For now we are keeping our fingers crossed that it will last until Mark gets paid and it will be a old one straight out, new one straight in deal.

Monday: Well Monday was definately interesting, and not in a good way. We found out at school that Mark's Dad is "courting", nice isn't it that we found out that way. This is what always happens though for some reason unknown to Me and Lisa, Mark's auntie Rachel, seems to be of the opinion that Lisa should be included in all family business. Lisa used to be friendly towards Mark's mum. She just couldn't wait to tell Lisa all the details about this obviously never crossed her mind to tell her nephew what his dad was doing, oh no she couldn't wait to gossip about it on the school playground (no doubt she felt it her right to tell the other 2 ladies on the playground who happen to be in Mark's family in some way or other, don't ask me to explain because I truly have no clue, all I know is in Lukas's class their are 3 other kids who are cousins of his/marks something like that anyway). Then Lisa obviously told Nan, who always thinks I have a right to know what's being said at school (since I rarely ever go to Lukas's school) and lucky me *major sarcasm right about here* I got to break Mark's heart when I told him. I got to be the one who made him cry. I am just so fed up with it all I wouldn't have minded being the one who had to comfort him Mark after he found out if I hadn't been the one who had to tell him. I can never stand causing him pain and to see his heart break, well it's breaks mine. I feel responsible for the hurt that it caused him and I haven't even done anything wrong this time. His mum has only been dead 3 months. Rachel or her husband sees Mark every morning yet they didn't think to tell him. But in all fairness it's not her place to be telling everyone, Mark's dad should have the guts to do it himself. Or at least have the guts to be the one to tell his kids. I couldn't care less what he's doing, I have been saying for a long time that I thought he was having an affair anyway, but I am disgusted with the way he is going about it. His kids deserved for him to be a man and step up and explain to them that he's met someone new. Mark's mum doesn't deserve to be the subject of playground gossip. *sigh* I just wish we could move away and Lukas could go to a different school and then I wouldn't have to bother with any of them. No more petty gossip, no more backstabbing or even if there was I wouldn't have to know about it. Which bring me to

Tuesday: Nan had a hospital appoinment today, Lukas is home from school because he's sick. When Nan went to hospital she was told that she has blood pressure that's high enough to make her very likely to have a stroke. She has to have some major surgery done and will need constant care for a minimum of 4 weeks afterwards. I don't really know all the details because I didn't go with her (Lisa's friend did and she started telling me the details but 2nd hand information sucks).
Which earned me a lecture about how I need to "get off my arse and look after Nan". They don't live with her, no-one else seems to understand that Nan does what she does because she's a stubborn old bat who will not accept help from anyone, and I often swear she does everything the way she does just so she can bitch to other people about how much she does. I don't mean that to be cruel, but it is true. Here's an example for you, I will ask her if there's anything she wants doing, she will say no, she will do whatever it was and then when I come downstairs again she will moan about how much she does with no help, when you try and say that the offer of help was there she pulls the "oh, I didn't want to bother you" or the "I can do it" cards. She will never be any different the lecture also touched on instead of you being upstairs and ignoring her all day, she doesn't like me downstairs when I go down to see her I get the amateur dramatics frequent phrase choices include "i'm too ill to talk", "I feel like I have a brain tumour" and my favourite "I go to work and do all that, feeling like this". These are usually accompanied by deep sighs, much waving of her arms and her stomping around. I love her and I am worried about her more than I care to admit. But put yourself in my place, how would you feel if you were told the person you loved like a mum, was so sick she needed all of these different treatments etc urgently, but she wasn't going to have it done until after Lisa gets back from holiday, because "she needs to be here, to take care of me". I told her I would take care of her and her answer, was that "oh I can't depend on you because your always sick, Amanda (Lisa's friend) said she would help." I guarantee when she has her surgery everything I try and do for her will be wrong, I will be criticised left and right by everyone. You ask why I am willing to bet money on it? Call it past experience, I know what she's like when she's been told to stay in her chair, I know what she was like when she was ill. I know how critcal Lisa is of me and how I am damned if I do and damned if I don't no matter what I do. As far as Nan is concerned the world revolves around Lisa and it always has. She's delayed hospital appointments by weeks because it was conveinient for Lisa to take her, when she's been really ill she's refused to let me call a doctor because "Lisa can't come with me". I've offered until I am blue in the face to do stuff for her, to go places with her but she always wants bloody Lisa. If your wondering why Lisa's friend went to the hospital with her, Lisa was busy so she arranged for her friend to go instead, I offered and I was told "Oh no Lisa's already arranged everything". Lisa's other friend is taking Nan to the doctors in the morning and again I offered to go with her and got a No in response. So right now my heart is hurting, I started living here because Lisa said she wasn't to be left alone, I went along with it to keep the peace. I'm supposed to be here for the purpose of looking after her, but she won't let me do anything for her. I've risked my marriage over and over again because I fought with Mark to stay here, but I wonder why stay where I am not needed or as I have said from past posts somewhere I don't even feel wanted. Mark loves me but he's miserable here, the truth is so am I. I am tired of offering my assistance and being turned down, I feel useless and I really don't need anyone else to make me feel that way. Yet still I resist moving out, on the off chance that Nan will need me, I worry that she will fall and no-one will be there to pick her up but heck she would probably dial Lisa on her mobile before she called me from upstairs. God I am more bitter about all this than I thought I was, all I want to do is take care of her the way she took care of me, yet even though I make her my priority, I care about her with all my heart I just don't come close to her self centred, do everything to suit herself, never runs Nan anywhere with out bitching about it, talks about Nan behind her back, come in and trashes Nan's house because she doesn't want to take her damn kids home to her own house, invite all her friends into Nan's house like it's a coffeebar, drop my kids off especially conor overnight even when Nan's ill, precious bloody Lisa. All my life I have tried to get on with her, and all my life she has grated on my last nerve, I've watched as she has treated Nan like dirt, used her as a babysitter and so much more and the whole time, no matter what she has done she has remained Nan's golden girl, the one who can do no wrong. While I have always been the one who can never do anything right so why I am here? I don't expect you to have an answer I don't have one myself, maybe I am just a glutton for punishment who does stupid things in the name of "love". Or more likely I am just plain insane!