Note to self: Bribing Lukas to get some "mummy daddy time" with your husband is not worth the effort. You will feel like a complete idiot when you go to a lot of trouble only to be greeted with a miserable husband whose not interested so it's not worth your time, and it will hurt like hell when he rejects you. Maybe it would help to tell yourself that it's not you it's him. Say that a few 1000 times and maybe it will sink in! But I am willing to bet money that it won't. Here's something else for you to think about don't be surprised if you completely ignore this advice and do it over and over again and get hurt anyway, i'll be here waiting like a good little blog, I will be ready to listen to you moan, to let you vent your frustrations and then to mockingly tell you (because i'm a bitch like that) those three words every person hates - TOLD YOU SO!
Yeah apparently removing the thing your husband says is a "distraction" to have some early morning snuggling on a Saturday Morning is not well received. I remember a time when he would have been the one waking me up and he would have had a lot more on his mind than cuddling! When did I suddenly become something that held less appeal than sleep? I can't remember the last time we had a cuddle together, I haven't felt like it for a while all these hot flushes, and pain don't make cuddles or anything else very appealing. So what does it take for a married couple to actually want to be in the same room and cuddle at the same time or is it always a case of one person being more interested than the other? It never used to be like this we used to be affectionate towards each other, always kissing and cuddling, couldn't be in a room together without touching for very long, so when did we get to the point where we can barely talk to each other let alone touch each other. I miss those trips to the park together when we used to sit and talk for hours on end, but that was before Lukas. I miss the other trips to the park from before Lukas was born as well there wasn't really much talking involved in those though lol. I can't remember the last time we looked at the stars together, or sat making tiny little campfires in the park. I miss it. But I suppose between having kids, losing kids, losing other people and living in this hell the conversation has died. Now the question remains how do I get it back? He's not interested in going out for a meal (even if we could afford it which right now we can't), I can hardly dress up for him like I used to when his parents went out for the night Nan wouldn't exactly grasp why I put on my best clothes, make-up and come do me heels in the house. It's the kind of thing that only works when it's just you in the house. I guess the question really should be how long can we carry on this way, i'm not happy with the way things are and I want to do something to change them but I just don't know what I can do. I'm trying so hard to make this marriage work but nothing I try seems to work. I wonder if any marriage could survive under the situation we are currently in but until we get our own place we have no other options, apart from moving in with his dad. That would remove the Nan issue from the problem but how solid will a marriage be when one half is living constantly on the edge that at some point they are going to be left alone in a house with a big old perv who can't keep his hands to himself. It's so far from the only family I have. *sigh* why can't anything just be simple all I want is a place of our own, close enough to Nan that I could get to her quickly if something happened, close enough so I wouldn't feel too bad about her being alone in the house but far enough away that she couldn't make my life a living hell. Just somewhere that the problems in our marriage were only things we had caused ourselves. There are major cracks appearing and I am really not sure how stable we are anymore when I said my vows I meant them with all my heart but what if meaning them just isn't enough. I don't know how to make it all work, I feel as if our marriage is a sandcastle is looks stable but at the end of the day it's just grains of sand slipping through my fingers, impossible to hang on to. Does happiness really exist or is that just an urban myth?
No comments:
Post a Comment