I am watching nine months, if you haven't heard about it
"Samuel Faulkner's ideal romance with Rebecca is turned upside-down when he unexpectedly learns he's going to be a dad. His life becomes a comic ordeal as he undergoes the trials and tribulations of impending fatherhood. His fears mount due to his encounters with an overbearing couple, their unruly children, and the confusing advice he gets from his perpetually single artist friend." Stars Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore, Tom Arnold, Joan Cusack, Jeff Goldblum and Robin Williams. There's a part in the film where he (Sam - Hugh Grant) is watching the ultrsound video after she (Rebecca - Julianne Moore) has left him and it should be a sweet touching moment. It makes me cry every time and not because it touches me but because I am bloody jealous. I so wish we had ultrasound videos here, the pictures are great but they fade just like the memories do. I don't remember the good bits about being pregnant, I remember the hospital visits and the annoying doctors. I remember the devastation of being told twice that we weren't going to have our little baby that all the pain and other crap was for nothing. But I dont remember feeling them kick, I don't remember that love at first sight thing but then I didn't have that I had two premmie babies delivered in super quick time and before I could make aany kind of bond with them they were whipped away by the doctors and nurses. Pregnancy was really hard so does anyone want to tell me why I get severe green eyed monster and wish I was having another one. An itty bitty girl that I could scrap hundreds of pastel coloured, feminine layouts of would be the best thing in the whole world. *sigh* I wish I could explain why these massive longings come at night. During the day I can be logical and tell myself it would be really hard to cope with a new baby, especially feeling like so horrible all the time my head is sensible during the day (unless I go out and then it sees babies everywhere and goes all daft again) at night logic gives way to sentiment my head caves into the demands of my heart and I cry a lot. I really hate night time.
1 comment:
Hey Crystal, what makes me cry is a website that just keeps breaking sigh.
but i know what you mean. i know after my 5th miscarriage that something just started to break inside me. But at that time, i met a lady who had 7 miscarriages so i realised i was just being self-centred. When i had my forced termination, i was 5.5 months pregnant with a little boy we named Riker Austin. That was confusing and devastating. but again i was shown people in much worse predicaments and again i realised that my life is meant to go on and I need to stop focusing on it. Ian and I only ever had two miscarriages, bringing my grand total of miscarriages to date at 9. a few months ago i was diagnosed with APS which causes miscarriages (who knew!)
And you know what? You are obsessing and need to stop. You need to move forward. You need to keep their memory close but realise that what you HAVE is a wonderful child, alive and full of fun and horror and giggles and tantrums. Your life does not consist of two dead kids but one person (you), one husband (new) and one beautifully alive kid.
count your blessings and stop thinking of what you dont have or wont have. Some of us will never know what it feels like to be a parent and are now too old to try alternatives. i consider you one of the luckiest people i know, and yet you are also the saddest, morose and history-focused. Turn your eyes forward (instead of remaining steadfastly in the past) and see the glorious future you face together with your husband and son.
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