Circus review

So i'm sure your dying to hear about our trip to the circus lol but even if your not I am going to bore you with it anyway roflmao. First off let me just say that this post will contain no pictures because the mean sods wouldn't let me take any! In the program it said no photographs for commercial use, which was fine when I got my camera out to take pictures a steward type person came up and tried to take it away from me, um no I don't think so. I was not best impressed. Lukas's first trip to the circus and I have nothing to remember it with. I was really looking forward to scrapping it as well. *sigh* copyright rules are stupid! The bit that really annoyed me was I was more interested in capturing Lukas's face when he saw things like the acrobats and the juggler and I wasn't even allowed to do that! That's enough about the camera (well for now anyway lol) Lukas rode a pony he looked so cute and I dont have any pictures and ironically thats the only thing we were allowed to photograph! They just moved too fast for a shot. It cost 50p for him to ride the pony I thought he might be scared of it but he loved it. I will admit though he looked a lot smaller on that pony than he does standing up. It was quite unnerving to see him sat on a moving animal, especially since they walked around with him I was worried he would try and get off it or fall but he was fine. The first act was some performing ponies they were really tiny and so sweet. They really seemed to enjoy the crowds attention. As much as I would love to share all the detaisl with you, I have to get Lukas to school in 2.5 hours time so I am going to try and get some sleep. I feel really horrible today and not being able to sleep doesn't help. I am so glad tomorrow is Lukas's last day of school before a two week break. I'm looking forward to spending some real quality time with him, but honestly I am looking forward to not having to get up early the most. Nan's off on holiday next week so it will be just Me, Mark and Lukas, I am really going to miss Nan. It seems so strange when she is not around. Its especially worrying as she has been so poorly lately. It one of the reasons I am sleeping so badly I am worried she is going to call out for me and I wont hear her. I haven't even had the tv or music on at night so I can hear her if she calls. I will be back sometime tomorrow with more circus details and maybe some layouts to share.

Easter bonnets and off to the circus.

Today is the day of Lukas's easter bonnet parade, I spent most of yesterday evening making it and was throughly reminded why I am a digi scrapper lol. Little bits of green paper are still all over the floor, Lukas knocked over a craft storage thing full of beads and there are little tinu squares from 3d foam pads all over the desk lol. The stupidest part of it I was too tired last night to take pictures of it. Hopefully it will still be in one piece later lol. We are off to the circus tonight. I am really looking forward to it, I have never been to a real circus with animals. Mark went and picked up the tickets last night. Hopefully Lukas will be in a better mood when he comes home from school than when he left! Back later gotta go somewhere with Nan. xx

What shall I bore you with today?

I don't have any layouts to share, I haven't bought anything (ok thats a lie, I should have said I haven't bought anything I am willing to confess to until later lol). I went shopping with Nan, let's just say the spending gene must run in the family! I suppose I could tell you all about Lukas. It was my responsibilty to get him to school this morning as Mark was at work. I was doing really well, we were up and dressed ready to go and wasting time watching TV. Or at least we thought we were, the clocks went forward an hour on saturday night, we changed every clock in the house except the alarm clock by my bed (yes the one I was looking at to do a time check for when we had to leave) so Lukas got to school nearly an hour late! I felt incredibly stupid but the school said we weren't the only ones who had done it. I think I am going to go back to sleep and be back later to chat some more.

I did it!!!

I finished the 40 days layouts. I feel so proud of myself it was hard and I had a lot of moments where I thought I would never get it finished. Its a great sense of achievement though.

I have made some layouts I am really proud of, there are a few that might get redone at a later date. These aren't in day order but I will label which day they are for. lol

Day 28

Credits: Be My Love Sampler Teri Hanson, Quad Frames by Misty Cato, Distressed Nouns by Merkely Designs. Font is KGD Kimberly Script by Kimberly Geswein. Journalling reads: My Family are my best source of inspiration, they provide me with the chance to take pictures, capture memories and experience things, they truly possess the quality of inspiring me to create.
Day 23 Credits: Sisters by heart qp by Deborah Vessels.Font is KGD Kimberly Script by Kimberly Geswein.Journalling reads:I am not sure what personality traits I have that make me “shine”. I am a generous person I love to buy and make things for other people. I am a good listener. I also consider myself a very tolerant person.

Day 27

Credits: LostInLove Album by dedicated2digital.Journalling reads:I am passionate about my family.I would do anything for them.I love them with all my heart and soul and I will never allow anyone to hurt them.

Day 33

Credits: January qp by Sammy Davies (recoloured) and Messy Stamped Alpha 2.0 Brushes by Christine Smith. Font is Journalling reads:You are my hero. No matter what life throws at you, I have never seen you handle it with anything other than dignity and class.I am honoured to have you in my life. Thank you for always being there for me. I would be completely lost without you. I love you Nan Day 25
Credits: Wallet Mini Album by Stacey Trueman and A baby's room by Rebecca Myers. Font is KGD Kimberly Script by Kimberly Geswein.Journalling reads:I dont have many positive memories of my childhood.But all the ones I do have involve Nan. She was always much more of a mother to me than my mum ever was.I remember Nan walking me to school every day. Fussing about my uniform being perfect and then kissing me goodbye at the gate. I remember her meeting me fromschool and then sitting on her lap for a cuddle before doing my reading homework. I remember Nan laying in my bed with me until I fell asleep because I was worried about falling out. But above all I remember always feeling like she was the only one who really loved me and cared about me.

I am really looking forward to the next scrapping event at divine the 360 degrees of inspiration. That starts on April 1st and I am going to try really hard to stay on top of the layouts one a day is simple, it when you miss a day and then you miss another and it snowballs and you end up with loads of layouts to do in a small amount of time. lol

Why quote me when someone else says its better

This 40 days challenge was "Find your favorite quote that represents your life purpose or mantraThen scrap it!Use photos and journaling to explain your LIFE QUOTE..." ok so there aren't any photos and the sum total of the journalling is one line but I think it speaks for itself.
This is day 31 if anyone's interested.

Credits: In a snap brag book templates ABC edition letter Q by Sherri Tierney and Sorbet Bliss by Royanna Lea Fritschmann.

Here's another 40 days layout

Im seriously starting to wonder if I will get them all done in time.

Anyway here's the latest one day 35.

Credits: Background papers designed by me (created using paper patterns floral swirls dots 1 commercial use by Eva Kipler, Redgum flower pattern by Saab and Shabby Dot brushes commercial by Miss Tiina), Brushes used were Swirlz N Plumes Commercial by JillD-Zines and Springy Brushes by Studio RA (Royanna Lea Fritschmann). Also used Glitter styles by Miss Tiina Commercial use. Font is JPaige_Crystal by Jeanelle Paige.
The papers I designed don't have a name yet. I wonder if I have time to do one more layout before bed?

Another one down

I have just finished day 34.

Credits: 4 The Boyz by Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Layered Brag Book Templates template 15 by Misty Cato.

Journalling reads:This layout by TiggerRD is the one that has touched me more than any other. Tha fact that she notices tiny things in her life like the feeling of the cushion on her chair, spoke volumes to me. I also loved the way she scrapped this layout as if she had grabbed the nearest piece of paper to hand to make sure these small memories were captured. Its often hard to notice the small things in life when you feel weighed down by the big things. Thank you TiggerRD for reminding me how important it is to notice the small things everyday. I truly admire your scrappingstyle especially the way that journalling is so vital in capturing the essence of the memory. You have inspired me to sit down and take the time to do simple things that make my life complete. Hugging my son, watching something with him that teaches him something. Listening to the sound of his laughter, and really just treasuring the small things that make life bearable. I am really greatful to you for providing the inspiration to just take a break from scrapping and the long list of things to do and just take the time for a rest and a cuddle with the one I love the most in the whole world - Lukas.

I have something I am dying to tell you, but I am not sure if I am allowed to yet. I could give you a hint (and if you read my blog you will know exactly what I am on about without me actually spilling anything lol) - I am screaming from the rooftops!! Confused? this might help.

Thrilled does not even begin to cut it. So looking forward to telling you who it is and flashing my new blinkie.

Only 8 more to go

and my 40 days layouts are all done. I have days 32, 36 and 37 to share with you in that order.

Credits: Soar High, Freedom in the starz, red Haute, Have a heart, Pearls of joy, Bohemian Rhapsody and Love you by heart all by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Valentine template set 2 template 4 by Karah Fredricks. Font is JPaige_Crystal by Jeanelle Paige.

Journalling reads:Life is a funny old thing. We often go through it trying to make everyone like us. often we get ourselves upset because somebody doesn’t like it You can waste years of your life wondering why they don’t like you or trying various ways to make them like you.But it won’t change a thing because no matter how hard you try you will never be able to please all of the people all of the time.Its not humanly possible to be liked by everyone. I spent up until a few months ago trying to do everything I could think of to make my mum like me. I could never understand why no matter how much effort I made she still hated me, still made trouble at every chance she got. It was a mystery to me that a mother couldn’t orwouldn’t love or even like her own daughter. When she caused the row just before my wedding and then never turned up it dawnedon me that nothing I could ever do would make her happy because the problems were hers not mine. They weren’t caused by anything that I had done and they weren’t caused by anything I hadn’t done.The only problem that existed was that she doesn’t like me. I could have continued trying for the rest of my life and still got nowhere.Its a lot easier for me to spend my time and energy doing things with and for the people who do love me. If I could give you one piece of advice it would be this, by all means try and understand why someone doesn’t like you but always remember this if someone doesn't like you it might have nothing to do with you.

Credits: Captivate by Royanna Lea Fritschmann (recoloured slightly) Font is JPaige_Crystal by Jeanelle Paige.

Journalling reads:Plans are a good place to start what’s not so great is when those plans don’t materialise into actions. At the beginningof the year I made a page about goals and resolutions and now three months on hardly any of those goals have come to anything. But since the year is only three months old I have a whole 9 months more to fix that. I am going to focus on the 5 main things I need to change.1. Get healthy - the time has come to stop feeling like being ill all the time is normal. If these doctors can’t or wont help it is time to find someone that can/will help.2. Get tidy - we live in mess and despite my good intentions to follow the FLYLady plan. I only seemed to get as far as reading the daily emails, it’s time to start establishing thosehabits.3. Losing weight and getting fitter require the medical issues to be sorted. It’s impossible to eat less than I do now and I don’t really eat rubbish its the exercise thing that’s the hardest part because of having no energy.4& 5 Stop being a doormat - It’s great to help people but some of them are just taking advantage its time to notice that and take action. Its time to stop making excuses forpeople and most of all start saying NO!

Credits: Grandma's Treasures Brag Book, Angel Baby and Captivate by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Font is JPaige_Crystal by Jeanelle Paige.

Journalling reads: CaringRomanticYoung mumStrongTalentedAttentiveLoving

And then there were two

Do you remember my post the other day about how my brother was going to become a dad? Well now I have another baby that I will never see - My mum's pregnant again. But I mean why are any of us surprised she can never just let anything be about anyone else. The woman made Leo's funeral all about her, when Lisa was pregnant with Conor she had to go one better and have twins. I swear that bloody woman makes up her mind to have another baby has sex once and falls pregnant straight away. I would be happy for anyone else but not her she's only having another one to take the limelight from Darren and Jade. She doesn't look after the ones she already has. There are millions of women who would kill for things to be that simple she also has problem free pregnancies, never hurts and it makes me sick!! I don't want to talk about her anymore she just winds me up. Might be back later right now I want to watch NCIS and Blind Justice.

The untitled rant!

Sometimes there just isn't a title that works.
Lets start with a question - What is a blog?
I found an online definition that says it is "a shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies". Now let's ask another question, What is MY Blog? I can tell you that really simply its my little place on the web. Its where I share my thoughts, my layouts and my feelings. Its the friend I can talk to when there's no one else awake. It's the place where I can be a depressed/miserable or morbid as I bloody well feel like. Its the place where I can say exactly what I like and not worry about it causing a row and do you want to know why - and I am going to shout this because I am mad BECAUSE NO-ONE HAS TO FUCKING READ IT!!!!! If I want to right a late night sob story about my 3 angel babies that is my right as the blogs owner. If I choose to waffle on for ages about nothing thats my bloody perogative. I like having somewhere to remember stuff, the credits for my layouts, the stupid things in the day,the feelings. My blog is my free therapy it works a hell of a lot better than crappy anti depressants. I could sit here and do what I do in every other aspect of my life apologise for having feelings, emotions and hell even an opinion but do you know what I am not going to. I refuse to apologise for what I say in my own space. I refuse to be made miserable by what other people think about what I have written in my space and I will make it really simple. If you choose to read my blog, then what you see is what you get if you see something you dont like then by all means sod off and leave me to be a miserable cow in peace. Nan always told me that if people cant say anything nice they shouldn't say anything at all. Wanna know what I think if I post a completely depressing post and you dont like it don't read it. If you want to leave a comment and its not something simple like ((hugs)) sorry your feeling that way or anything else nice dont waste your time writing it because I dont want to waste mine reading it. I am so angry right now its really hard to restrain myself from filling this post with obscentity after obscenity but I am not my mother I have a larger grasp of the english language and I can convey thoughts and emotions without resorting to cursing and swearing constantly. Hopefully I have made my point no comments are much better than ones that make me cry!!

What makes you cry?

I am watching nine months, if you haven't heard about it
"Samuel Faulkner's ideal romance with Rebecca is turned upside-down when he unexpectedly learns he's going to be a dad. His life becomes a comic ordeal as he undergoes the trials and tribulations of impending fatherhood. His fears mount due to his encounters with an overbearing couple, their unruly children, and the confusing advice he gets from his perpetually single artist friend." Stars Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore, Tom Arnold, Joan Cusack, Jeff Goldblum and Robin Williams. There's a part in the film where he (Sam - Hugh Grant) is watching the ultrsound video after she (Rebecca - Julianne Moore) has left him and it should be a sweet touching moment. It makes me cry every time and not because it touches me but because I am bloody jealous. I so wish we had ultrasound videos here, the pictures are great but they fade just like the memories do. I don't remember the good bits about being pregnant, I remember the hospital visits and the annoying doctors. I remember the devastation of being told twice that we weren't going to have our little baby that all the pain and other crap was for nothing. But I dont remember feeling them kick, I don't remember that love at first sight thing but then I didn't have that I had two premmie babies delivered in super quick time and before I could make aany kind of bond with them they were whipped away by the doctors and nurses. Pregnancy was really hard so does anyone want to tell me why I get severe green eyed monster and wish I was having another one. An itty bitty girl that I could scrap hundreds of pastel coloured, feminine layouts of would be the best thing in the whole world. *sigh* I wish I could explain why these massive longings come at night. During the day I can be logical and tell myself it would be really hard to cope with a new baby, especially feeling like so horrible all the time my head is sensible during the day (unless I go out and then it sees babies everywhere and goes all daft again) at night logic gives way to sentiment my head caves into the demands of my heart and I cry a lot. I really hate night time.

Thats day 38 done

Its just occured to me that I am posting these on the wrong blog they should be on my scrapping blog, but since I have nothing much else to share at the moment I will just floood this on ewith layouts lol.

Credits: Autism Awareness Mega Kit and Brag Book Layered Templates template 3 by Bunny Cates.

I think I am going to go to bed now. Hopefully I will be back later with some more layouts.

Thats another one done

Lukas is still asleep, I haven't been to sleep but at least my night was productive lol.
Here's the layout for Day 39 of the 40 days.

Credits:Layered Card template by Andrea Gold, Blossom, Hope is not always balck and white its pink,My Gurlz all that and Pearls Of Joy by Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Black Lace, Satin Cami by Traci Reed, Text in a shape and Text in a path by Rebecca Myers.

Hopefully I will get a few more done today, unless I take Lukas to go and see Nan.

1 down 13 to go

Incase you are wondering I am talking about 40 days layouts. This is the page for day 40 the cover page.

Credits: Adversity quotes by Shellyrae Cusbert, Life Unexpected by Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Contents Page Layered Template by Doris Castle.

I also did page 39 but bloody photoshop ate it. Sometimes I really hate technology.

Wedding Brag Book again

I was feeling guilty that I never got Nan's mothers day album finished. So I thought it would be a good idea to finish (or at least attempt to) making the wedding album and have it all printed in an album for when she gets home from hospital.

Credits: My Love Album template 10 by Amanda Lee, For your love (recoloured), Turkish Delight, From This Moment and SketchaDoodlez all by Rina Kroes.

Hailey

I have a list of things that need to be done, including boring stuff like tidying up. I also have lots of scrapping to do for challenges etc. So would anyone like to tell me why this evening I have scrapped something that doesn't fit any challenges, been and had a bath and talked to Nan on the phone lol. Wanna see what I made? This is Hailey, Marks Niece I dont scrap her very often because I dont have many photos of her. I take them whenever I see her though. David has promised me some more pictures of Joshua. I am so excited about being able to scrap some new pictures. I love scrapping Lukas but he is so uncooperative when it comes to letting me take new ones.

Credits: Joyful kit, Rectangles Layered Sketches number 3 and Essentially Fall Alpha by Traci Reed.

Missing Nan

and she hasn't even been in the hospital for a day yet! It's so quiet without her. Lukas is all whingy because he misses her, we all seem to be lost without her. I don't have much else to say today, the meeting with that woman at school was cancelled and she was supposed to ring this afternoon to reschedule but never bothered. I haven't scrapped anything today yet. So I guess I should come back later when I either have something to say or something to show lol.

Nothing like leaving it until the last minute

When you are given a challenge and you have a whole week to post the layout, what do you do?
a: Post it on the 1st day, link it up and get it out of the way
b: Post it midweek, link it up and be relieved its done.
c: Delay, Panic, and then rush to post 3.5 hours before the deadline.
Well I guess C is for Crystal roflmao. Wanna see what I made?
Credits: Charmed by a baby {boy} by Eva Kipler and Baby Love layered template 2 by Traci Reed.

I got that last night in Eva Kipler's close out sale at Scrapbook Bytes. I also picked up
Bella Sari
Blended Baroque
Dreamy Joy
Commercial use paper templates
School Girl Crush
Warm spiced mocha
A Day in the life

I just went back and got the other items in the sale as well. The only thing I didn't want was a set of quick pages.
Dilly-Dally
Forgotten Cove
Flowers 4U Paper Pack
Flowers 4U Element Pack
Paper Patterns Combo Pack
Charmed by a baby {boy} quickpage album
Glitter Beach Paper Pack
Glitter Beach Element Pack

If I mention the word shopping for the rest of the month please shoot me, chop of my fingers so I cant type in my debit card number or at least shout at me a lot!!

Happy Mothers Day

Yeah right lol. I was awake all night with earache and when trying to get some sleep I was woken up by screaming and shouting between Mark and Lukas. Marks had bloody sport on nearly all day, Lukas has done nothing but moan and whine. I'm just fed up with life in general today. What I would love to do more than anything else in the world is have a bath and go to sleep. I cant be bothered to scrap or do anything else. Its raining outside I hate rain it always seems to make me feel miserable. Isn't this post a downer. Maybe I will be back later with something a bit more cheerful.

I meant to get back earlier and say this

Happy St Patricks Day!! and Happy Birthday to my baby sister Keisha she's 8 today.

I have some news to share I am going to be an auntie but its more than likely I wont get tose the baby. Since the fight with my mum I haven't seen any of my brothers and sisters. Darren's girlfriend is pregnant and its pointless me even phoning him to say congratulations. He will see the number and not answer it because he is too scared of what my mother would say if she knew he spoke to me. Families are a pain! I went shopping with Lukas today we had fun picking cards for Nan. She ended up with quite a few lol. We went because Lukas wants a pair of rabbit ears (he wants to dress up for easter), we got the last pair in the shop they are white with silver sequins very cute. He also got a new toy motorbike, some new trainers Thomas the tank engine weelingtons that flash when you walk, kinder eggs, a rabbit chocolate lolly, I got Mark some new trainers and finally we picked up some food and the cutest little St Patricks Day hat.Tomorrow I will be spending most of mothers day on buses. We have to go to the cemetry to leave flowers and a card for Nans mum. Thats 2 buses to the cemetry, then 2 more buses to go up to Marks mums to drop her cards off and then another 2 buses to get home. We also have to go food shopping for while nan is in hospital. I'm feeling really tired so I am off to try and sleep now. But I have a layout to share first. I made it using some of my purchases from Traci Reed.

Credits: Joyful kit, Blendstrokes,Superstah alphas and Onederfuls Layered sketch. I think Josh definately got better with age. He's quite cute now. Latest picture I have of him is one from the wedding (ok admitedly not the most flattering picture of him lol.)

I think it's quite sad that they live around the coprner from us and we haven't seen Josh since the wedding. I haven't seen Marks parents or his sister and Hailey since then either. I just don't have the energy to go and visit people. Mark on the other hand just doesn't want to. The only one of his family we see on a regular basis is his auntie Rachel and her kids and that's because Charlotte (one of her daughters) is in Lukas's class at school. On monday we have to see someone at the school about Lukas's attendance between when i'm too ill to take hi and he's too ill to go his attendance is at 55%. They seem to prefer that I would send him to school ill and have to go and get him (as well as obviously infecting other people with his germs or when he has earache deafening the whole school) You have all seen how many times I have posted that Lukas is home with earache lately. I don't give a damn what they say when he has been up all night screaming in pain its not right to send him completely exhausted to school. Its also not right to send him to distract everyone else when he is crying with anything hurting. The poor little man seems to have his mothers ability to catch everything going. That reminds me wanna know what I did today? I almost knocked myself out cold. I bent down to get Lukas's pyjamas he has left on the floor, he shouted something I turned around and whacked my head on the bannister. I have a wicked bump and lovely bruise from it. He shouted because he had seen a lamb on tv. this would make a lot more sense if I explained why a lamb would make him shout. Yesterday he went on a trip to the farm. When I went to meet him Rachel said to me £he caught a lamb" I thought I had heard her worng. When Charlotte came out she told me Lukas had caught a lamb, "a really big one". Confused I asked Lukas what happened with the lamb and he informed me "I chased it and chased it until I caught it, then I picked it up to bring home" from other information i have managed to graps that the lamb was at least twice his size and he picked it up lol. What am I going to do with him? Can you imagine how cool of a picture that would have been?

Amazing customer service

Just after I bought all that stuff last night I saw the store opening ad in both my email and at DST. It contained a coupon code for 35% off I was majorly bummed. I posted in the thread at DST that I was sad about it. Before I say anything else I need to make a few things clear one I only posted because it is exactly the same as when you buy something at full price and its on sale the next day and you say that you are annoyed that you didn't wait. When money is the issue its nice to get more for your money. I never expected the designer to do anything about it. She is worth way more than she charges anyway. I just wanted to have my little moan to someone about it because I felt stupid. The very last thing I expected was a gift certificate equivalent to 35% off both my orders. So do you want to know what I did. I bought every set of the papers to match and used the 35% off code from the ad. I didn't use the gift certificate I was sent and do you want to know why? It was never about the money the fact that she made the time and the effort spoke volumes. Last night I justified that I have hundreds of papers I haven't got around to using, that's why I just got the elements. Today I justified that at 35% off I couldn't afford to miss them lol. I now own every item in the store. I am a very satisifed customer and I am feeling very cheerful. Off to scrap with all the cool stuff I got. Before I go links to the papers I bought:
Natural Woman: Comfy Jeans Papers
Natural Woman: Linen Capri Papers
Natural Woman: Ruffled Skirt Papers
Natural Woman: Satin Cami Papers
I Dig Dirt Papers
Heart of Grace Papers
Super Boy Papers
Essentially Fall Papers
End of Summer Papers

Back later the little man is moaning and I have a mothers day gift for Nan to finish.

Yet another shopping spree

I suppose I could justify it and say that it's my mothers day present but I paid for it myself. The reason is really simple, I have been feeling really down lately and everything is getting to me. I have a destructive personality, some people do daft things when they are miserable they turn to drink or drugs me I shop, and then I cry and feel guilty. I follow this up by writing a post here about it lol. Its very therapeutic. The consequence will come though usually in a form of nasty letter from bank manager telling me I have gone over my overdraft again. I pay the charge and then for a while I am good. I pay all my bills, and I keep my account at least within the overdraft. Do you remember the other night when I wrote the post about music? That's usually a sure sign I am about to go on either a spending binge or in one of those moods where I don't want to talk to anyone. I need to find a way to stop being so destructive I think the place to start is with more anti depressents. I can't remember the last time I took them. I am a very bad girl I never remembered to take them unless I was reminded, I run out and I don't have the energy to go back to the doctors. I think the last time I saw the doctor was the Monday after the wedding. I believe he told me to make an appointment for the next week, and it got delayed and eventually forgotten. Its often when these low moods hit I turn to scrapbooking I vent in my pages just like I vent and ramble to myself here. Holidays are hard for me especially this year its Keisha's birthday technically today since its past midnight. I miss my brothers and sisters so so much. I would have loved to send her a card and a present but knowing my mum she would have destroyed it in spite. I hate Mothers Day because Mark always seems to be on a mission to make it the day from hell (that applies to every holiday) we have been together 5 years and we have yet to have a single "special" day that Mark hasn't caused a row on and made me miserable. I miss Leo, Nan is going to hospital on Monday and I am banned from visiting her because of my latex allergy because she doesn't want me to get ill. She's off on holiday soon and I am going to be lonely without her I hate being in the house on my own. I guess the point I am trying to make is there are a lot of reasons I feel down and a lot of reasons I feel like I need to buy something to make me feel better. Want to know one last thing I honestly think I am trying harder to convince myself that it was justified than I am my readers. OMG I just realised I have rambled this much and I haven't even confessed to what I have bought lol.
Everything from this shopping spree came from Studio Traci Reed @ Scrapbookgraphics.
I now own almost everything in the store lol. I have bought element packs rather than kits so that's why I don't own everything. Tonight I picked up:
Superstah Alphas
In my studio: Joyful
Crayon Stickers
Blendstrokes
I dig Dirt Embellies
Heart of Grace Embellies
Super Boy Embellies
Essentially Fall embellies
End of summer embellies
Layered templates (now these I have all of lol) tonight I got:
Rectangles, Rectangles 2, Rectangles 3, Photo Collages, Photo Collages 2, Photo Collages 3, Onederfuls and Double Trouble 2.

On the subject of guests

are they actually considered guests if you are sitting there the whole time wishing they would bugger off? Lisa told Nan her, Gary and the kids would be coming here to watch comic relief and ordering pizza. I was not best impressed since Friday is usually my favourite night of the week because its peaceful. They were supposed to be here at 6:30pm and never turned up until 7:30pm, because Lisa had been on the phone to her friend. She vaguely asks what pizza to get and then orders what the hell she wants ignoring the request anyway and then informs me, I am paying half. Rapidly sliding from unhappy to very pissed off. If I wanted pizza I would have gone to the supermarket and bought a twin pack for £1.50 from Iceland I certainly wouldn't pay £10 for a pizza with toppings I don't even want. The kids are running around screeching, I am missing NCIS and right now I would kill to be a coffee drinker. Caffeine sounds fab right now. I am so so tired. I have resorted to lime squash and vodka, it was just going to be lime squash but 10 minutes with those kids and out came the vodka. Nan is moaning because the house is wrecked, she's tired too and she's worried about eating anything this late. I guarantee she will be whinging about this for a least the remainder of the weekend. Sounds like there is speedway at the stadium, I would so much rather be there. But above all I would rather be asleep in my bed or at least laid in it watching my TV programs.

Comic relief and another shopping spree

Oh dear lol.
For those of you not in the UK Comic Relief details can be found here http://www.bbc.co.uk/scoopcps/comicrel/news/2007/03/15/41613.shtml basically it is a fundraising event where comedians and celebs do various things to raise money. The main event is a live show that you can ring in and donate to. They seel loads of merchandise including the red noses which change every time they do it. As for the shopping spree My Digital Muse is having another Grab bag event. You can pay $2 for a mystery bag you never know what the designers have decided to drop in there until you unzip the files. You can check them all out here but hurry they are only available for two days! Just incase you were wondering no I couldn't restrain myself I bought all 9 of them. I also picked up these teo by Royanna Lea Fritschmann - Posh: Element Pack and Posh:Princess of Spring.I haven't managed to do any scrapping yet but I am not short of inspiration I still have 14 layouts to do for the 40 days, the new chalenges are nearly all up at Digiscrapdivas and I have another pet RAK to do. Problem is I have had no sleep and it's friday night and that means I tolerate Lukas's tv until 7pm and then its stuff I like all evening NCIS, Blind Justice I can't remember what else lol. Might be back later with some layouts to share.

Next layout done

I have finished this one as well for PeggyC.Credits: Layered Template by Carol Rupley and ASPCA Collection - contributions by Kylie Clark,Ali Folendore, Theresa Hernandez, Jessica Bolton, Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Amy Teets and Jen Caputo.

The way to my heart

is via the local chinese takeaway lol. We had a really nice chinese earlier - Mini spring rolls, sweet and sour chicken in batter (no sauce), chips, egg fried rice, and soft fried noodles. I am feeling amazingly serene and calm today and almost happy. Yesterday I bought the ASPCA Collection there is no point in me linking to it because it has now been removed from sale. All the proceeds go to the ASPCA. I could never own an animal myself i'm just not that fond of them but I cannot stand to see anyone hurting them, it makes me so sad. Anyway I offered to scrap some pictures of people animals for them using the ASPCA Collection. I really enjoy doing things for other people. So far I have made this layout for dedicated2digital

Credits: Layered Template by Kim Lizzy DIP Divas Blog Freebie (altered by me) and ASPCA Collection - contributions by Jessica Bolton, Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Sue Jones,Amy Teets, Heather Ann Designs and Amber Clegg. (some items recoloured)

and this layout for Theresa Hernandez

Credits:ASPCA Collection - Contributions By:Janel Kretschman,Tiff Brady, Sue Jones, Toni Berman, Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Shabby Princess.

I have a few others to do as well, so I am looking forward to that I made this one as well from our Cotswold Wildlife Park pictures.

Credits: ASPCA Collection - Contributions by Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Laura White PrincessLala, Rhonna Farrer, Amy Teets, Kimberly Geswein and Kylie Clark. Font is JPaige_Crystal by Jeanelle Paige.

I might be back later.

The love songs albums are out again

which can only mean one thing, me and Mark aren't getting along. Whenever we fight out come the cds and the tissues and I usually end up crying myself to sleep. Mark's at work, Lukas is asleep and today it's all just too much. I haven't had any sleep and I just feel fragile and weepy. I suppose the only bright point is I haven't quite got to the Gareth Gates CD yet only Lemar. The Gareth Gates CD makes me sob my heart out it only comes out on the days when there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. It's probably because I played a lot of it on the darkest day of my life - Leo's funeral. Music has strange effects on me, there are some songs that make me smile whenever I hear them and others that make me cry. Atomic Kitten's version of whole again makes me shudder that's what was playing the night I met the ex boyfriend. Normally when I feel like this I scrap while I cry but I don't know what it is I feel. I am just miserable.

I must be crazy!!!!!

I just applied for CT team position. I saw it and I applied before I lost my nerve. Why is it things like this always seem such a good idea at the time. Its really really unlikely that I will get a spot I mean there are hundreds if not thousands of people who create better layouts than I do. I guess I was kind of thinking that the love of the product might be enough. I am a serious hoarder of this designer. I have almost everything they have ever made and the idea of scrapping with there stuff which I do anyway and not having to pay for the kits was majorly appealing. Oh well guess we will have to wait and see. Put it this way if I do get a place I will be screaming it from the rooftops lol

Hurray I got my font!!

See isn't it cool lol. It made my day a lot brighter, last night I was awake all night again because of my chest hurting (did I end up doing the post about how Lukas broke a couple of my ribs?) he was coughing all night again, and he had an accident in his bed. Mark had to go into work late so he could take him to school. When I went to pick Lukas up he said his ear was hurting again and he coughed the whole way home. So looks like he will be home from school again. I swear that kid has no immune system what so ever. But then I guess neither do I lol. Anyway Lukas has been asleep for a few hours and now he's wide awake again I am longing to go to bed and mark is still at work because he has to make up the 2.5 hours late he was. *sigh*. I do have some good news to share I was lucky enough to win a $5 gift certificate from the lovely Miriam Lima last night. Wanna see what I got?

August Shadow-Elements and Mi Casa Element pack. I was also chosen for today's authenticity award hosted by Kelley Macdonald at Digiscrapdivas for my Leo layout I used my $3 gift certificate prize to buy Scrappin' Pattern and Quick 'n' easy combo #3. I have #1 and #2 from the amazing Digiscrapdivas Kickoff event from earlier in the year. I love templates whoever invented them was a genius!! What else do I have to talk about, Lukas is supposed to be going on a visit to a farm on Friday. I am really annoyed I wasn't allowed to go with him. Imagine the pictures I could have got. Hopefully if he's not well enough to go the school will refund the cost of the trip. Im off for a while now Lukas is currently playing the playstation so I want to get a layout done.

Miss you baby

Night times when I can't sleep are the times when I shed my tears. When I realise exactly how much I miss Leo. I think now is when I can talk about how I feel with the added guilt I feel when Lukas is around. He asks me all the time why he cant have his "Lilo" back, he looks at babies in prams and starts to cry and ask me why we can't have one. He tells me a lot that its not fair and he misses Leo, he wants him back and why won't mummy go and get him. He doesn't understand and I don't know how to ease his pain when I feel so much of my own and I try and hide it. Lately Lukas has been getting angry with me and everyone else a lot, Nan took Leo's picture down to dust the other day and he went mad. He tells me off all the time when he looks through my layouts and sees none of Leo. I had to dig out all the cds to show him how many I have. I only keep one/two months worth of layouts on my machine at a time. When he sees layouts of Leo they make him cry they make me cry making them. I think what's bothering Lukas is he thinks we have forgotten about Leo. We try not to mention him a lot because it upsets him.I feel like I just can't win either way. It's wrong to mention him and wrong to not mention him. I made a layout with that photo of Leo that I love (the one that won the Oh Angel Baby competition at Divine Digital). I hope that makes Lukas a little happier. Hopefully if he can see that Leo is gone but will never ever be forgotten he will feel less sad. I used the new kit I bought earlier Lost Gifts By Stacy Carlson.

Uh Oh

More shopping lol.
I have been a very very bad girl. I have bought way more than I could afford and definately way more than I needed (with a collection like mine I could never buy anything ever ever again and still have enough to scrap until the next millenium and not reuse stuff lol). Oh what can I say I took a pregnancy test today it was negative I was fed up, I wasn't really expecting it to be positive I have just been feeling sick a lot lately but for some reason even when I am not hoping with all my heart for a positive, 1 line instead of two always makes me sad. Anyway that's enough on that subject for today you have a lot of that to come soon because April 10th is one year since we lost the last baby. So do you want to see what I bought??
If you answered no that's just tough roflmao.

Digital Freebies has a very cool sale - "All kits priced up to $10 are now on sale for $3! Enjoy and browse HERE!" They have had this sale before at Retrodiva and I bought almost everything she had for sale. Today I only picked up a few things.
Lost Gift by Stacy Carlson would you believe me if I confessed I bought this kit based purely on a piece of wordart in the preview. I know crazy but it looked so perfect for some layouts I want to do soon.
A&E by Maria LaFrance I have had my eye on this since it was released lol.
Always With You by Maria LaFrance.
Sparkling Ice Storm by Eva Kipler
Sparkling Ice Storm Addon Kit by Eva Kipler
Baby It's Cold Outside - Add-on by Retrodiva I already have the full kit that matches this!
Bohemian Poetry by Retrodiva

I then headed over to OAKS and I ended up placing 2 seperate orders. In my defence I have two words 40% off lol.
Order one - I got something I have been after for a while a custom font made of my own handwriting. Fancy a Font:Print Resellable by Jeanelle Paige.
All foiled up by Faith True
Shabby Dot Brushes by Miss Tiina these are very cool and they are commercial use so i can make stuff to giveaway or even sell (yeah right) with them.

The second order was prompted by a truly astounding piece of customer service from Faith True. I love it when I get good service it makes me happy and more often than not it leads to major purchasing as and when I can afford it lol. This is usually how I end up with massive collections by certain designers. My top designers in terms of service:
dedicated2digital.com has amazing service, and although I may be slightly biased that's my honest opinion. You can also check out her designs at Scrap Outside The Box Krista Mettler (can be found at Digiscrapz,Scrapdish and Scrapbook Graphics) Royanna Lea Fritschmann (can be found at Divine Digital),Retrodiva (can be found at Digital Freebies and Retrodiva), Miss Tiina (can be found at OAKS and Miss Tiina), Rina Kroes (can be found at Scrapbook-Elements and 3Scrapateers) and Traci Reed (can be found at ACOT and NDISB) have all gone above and beyond what anyone would expect from a designer in terms of customer service. That's why they occupy vast amounts of my precious hard drive space lol. There are others but these are the names I usually search for when looking for the perfect thing for scrapping. To be honest I have only had a few incidents of bad customer service and my solution to that was not to shop with them anymore lol.
My second order consisted of - Flower Brushes by Faith True, My Boy collection by Faith True, Rainbow Shapes by Faith True, Sketch Pad doodles by Faith True and Sketch Pack doodles three by Faith True but knowing me pack two wont be long falling into my basket.

That's all I bought today lol I am off to try and scrap something I cant sleep and it sucks. I might well be back later.

Oh Dear

8 days since my last post and that was one about what a bad blogger I am lol. We had a great time when we went bowling last Thursday. We played 1 game in total and then had a meal in there. Mark won the game but Lukas wasn't far behind him. They are so competetive I would hate to see what they will be like when Lukas is older. Neither one of them likes to lose or is willing to concede, I will admit the fact that Mark was the way he was with Lukas who is only 4 really annoyed me. But he has never been any different I have been to a few different places with him and every time I have said never again lol. I have been feeling really unwell lately and I am finding it hard to get anything done. Two of the wedding brag book pages are doing double duty for the 40 days. I have something else I managed to scrap to share with you. I think Mark may have some new layouts on his blog as well if you want to take a look you can here. When I get a spare minute I will add his link to my sidebar. The two layout I wanted to share with you are these two they are a large step away from my normal scrapping style but I kind of like them.

Credits: Credits: Boy Theory and Reindeer Games Alpha by Traci Reed, Grab Bag 3 by Amy W and Layered Sketch by Brenda MillerThis was for the scraplift challenge at Digiscrapdivas I chose to scraplift this layout by bohtieque http://www.digiscrapdivas.com/photop...amp;perpage=16 using the Scrappin Pattern 2 by Kelley Macdonald.Credits: Punk Love by Traci Reed and Scrappin Pattern 2 by Kelley Macdonald. Fonts are: KGD Renee and KGD Jackie by Kimberly Geswein.

The pages for the wedding album doing double duty for the 40 days of scrapping purpose are this one posted previously and this one

Credits: Winter Bliss paper pack by Miss Tiina, Imagine,Whispered promises and From this moment by Rina Kroes and My Love album by Amanda Lee.

The other layouts for the 40 days can be seen here, journalling reads:Mirrors are strange things. Sometimes they show you someone you hate,you see the weight that you cant get rid of, the dark cirlces from lack ofsleep. Other times they make you feel positive you can see scars and marks from accidents and realise that you are still standing. They show a reflection of how you feel, if you feel positive you notice the good bits, if you are in a negative mood you see the stuff you don’t really want to. But even normal mirrors are sometimes like the carnival mirrors they distort everything and make it look worse, its all a matter of perspective. You could look and seeevery negative thing and feel depressed about it, or you could look and say ok I don’t like whaty I see what can I do about it? There is also a third option where you could accept that what you see is what you have and you are stuck with it and just accpet that. I dont believe that we are ever stuck with anything, even my medical issues have to be fixable somehow its just finding out how to fix them. I also dont usually believe in hating what I see, admitedly sometimes I do but I prefer to look at things from the point of view that they could be worse. I hope that looking on the bright side and being proactive to change things are the leagcy I teach Lukas, I hope he sees the world like I see it.

Here,journalling reads:My sight allows me to see the wonders of the world,sunsets, flowers and precious things like Lukas’s smile.My hearing allows me to experience his laughter and helphim when he is distressed. My sense of touch allows me to feel when things are sharp/dangerous as well as helping me to feel things I love like my satin bedding. My sense of smell usually helps to make me hungry when I smell food. I can also smell things that bring back memories like the perfume I wore on my wedding day. Taste allows me to enjoy food especially chocolate. All my senses help me to experience the things that make each day part of my life rather than just another day of living. I have been unlucky enough to lose all my senses at times in my life. It really made me appreciate how lost I am without them andwhile it is possible to learn to adapt without them its not something anyone would choose to do I feel blessed to have all my senses.

Here Journalling in arrow reads: I find it really hard to talk about myself it feels really conceited but on the other hand I suppose it would be selfish for Lukas to know nothing about the person who is his mummy. So I will start with a few simple things about myself. Main journalling reads:My name is Crystal Louise Blake, I was born on 30th December 1984. I have one little boy called Lukas and one big boy aka my husband called Mark. I also have 3 angel babies called Gaiebraille, Leo and Ambrose. I have 2 sisters and 6 brothers. My strength is never letting life defeat me.My weakness is letting my medical issues rule my life.What inspires me more than I could ever begin to describe on one page. What empowers me overcoming feeling ill and being able to do things with Lukas.My best attribute is looking on the bright side.Something I want to change about me is feeling ill all the time.What I desire most is to feel better so I can be a better mum and wife.What I am passionate about so many things that it requires its own layout.I am unique because I am the only me anywhere.

And here journalling reads:The 40 days of scrapping purpose has faced me with many challenges. The hardest thing for me about scrapping is tojournal about myself, my thoughts, feelings and emotions areoften hard to describe and put into words. I love every layout I have made in this series of challenges. I have really enjoyed the wide range of challenges I have been offered. Therehave been times when I have foundit difficult to keep up. It’s made merealise I have limitations and pushingmyself too hard means I achieve a lotless than I wanted to. I have to accept that I can only do so much.
I might be back later I have some other layouts to share. But since it's between 6-11pm and Tiscali suck it would be pointless to even attempt uploading anything else. I cant even read my email until 11 *sigh*

Such a bad bad blogger.

But I haven't really had anything to say. I have a wedding layout to share with you, I also think there may be a 40 days layout I never got around to uploading. I suppose you also want to know what I have bought?


Shall we start with the shopping?
First up Scrapbook Graphics
Bree Clarkson has a new range called snail mailers, they are a card and envelope template set. Currently there are 5 available, I was very restrained and only bought two of them lol.
Launch Pad Snail Mailers #5 and Launch Pad Snail Mailers #3
I also picked up even more brag book templates for the wedding album, it really seems like it's never going to get finished because so many of the templates I already have aren't really suitable.
4x6 Brag Book Templates by Doris Castle.



Next I was lured by that special word that seems to attract me like a magnet SALE lol.
Kristi Reever is running a special over at The Daily Scrap almost everything in her store is $1 to celebrate her little ones 1st birthday. There were a few other bits that fell into the basket including some freebies.
I picked up:
Ohana Package Special (and then discovered I already had the Ohana kit lol, but since the album and kit are sold seperately for $1 and I got both for $1 I didn't actually waste any money just time)
Just Blush Package Special ( and did the same as above again lol)
Photo Template Pack
Funky-N-Fresh Edge Templates
Template Grab Bag
4x6 Layered Card Templates
7x5 Brag Book Layered Templates (I will resize them)
12x12 Mini album templates
8.5x11 Calendar templates
All Cut up photo templates
Kristi's 5x7 Brag Book Templates
Photo Easel card Templates
Birthdays Addon
Blue Bayou
Holly Jolly Freebie
Sweet Treat Templates
Julesgirlstalk (Font)
Juleslove Valentines cardware (Font)


Then I picked up some more templates at Digitals
4x6 layered templates by Lori Imel and after looking through my stuff I noticed I actually had most of them because they were given away a while back see this is why I need to record my purchases on here lol.


Finally there's this from 1 Hour Scrap
If you haven't heard of them they specialise in quick pages and things to speed up your scrapping. Spellweaver has a 50% off sale at the moment.
Purple Passion CD Album
French Pastry Scrapkit
Snow Much Fun 2
Penguin Alpha bundle
Winter 4x6 Album (free gift with purchase yay)



Marks going to buy me Traci Reed's new kit in her Natural Woman Collection Strappy Sandals and the Laundry labels - Girls additions as soon as his paypal account is sorted. They make everything so difficult, because he changed his name to mine when we got married and had new cards his old one no longer works. When we tried to add new crads we couldn't when we called paypal they offered us two options send us some forms so they can change details estimated time to sort 2 weeks. Or open a new account and go through all the verification stuff again estimated time 2 weeks. Its so stupid, never mind I am sure I will find other ways to get my spending fix if theres anything I "need" lol.



If you have any suggestions about what I should get as a mothers day gift feel free to leave me a comment lol. Mark doesn't get paid again until after Mother's day so I have to pick my present while he has money still lol.



Onto the wedding page, I used my new winter brag book and a few extras embellishments to make this page.

Credits: Winter Mini Album page by Michelle Ramsey, Bath and Bubbles by Lady Jane, Always by Valerie Randall and Sparkle Styles by Miss Tiina. Font is Frosty.

Mark made himself a new insert for his cup you can see it on his blog if you are interested. http://www.lukasdaddy.blogspot.com

40 Days page that I didn't get around to sharing before can be seen here, journalling reads:I have a passion for boots, at the last count I had 15 pairs of boots in various colours and styles, I love the ones with heels because they give me the added height I adore without the awful thin heels and feeling of unbalance with shoes. No shoes I own are exceptionally comfortable so I may as well hurt in sexy shoes.

I do have one last thing to share before I go and do some scrapping. We had a major breakthrough with Lukas he's now dry at night and sleeps in proper pants. He has had one accident that was on Tuesday night when he was screaming all night with earache. He was off school yesterday because of his ear and we will take him to the doctors later, the earaches are getting worse. It's about time the doctors looked into why he has all these problems with his ears. We have a special treat planned for tomorrow we are taking Lukas bowling as a reward for staying dry every night. No doubt I will have lots of pictures to share. Gotta run now want to do some scrapping before everyone else wakes up.