Friday, April 23, 2010

Sorry just didn’t feel like blogging yesterday

don’t really feel much like blogging today either if I am being honest. I’ve had a really bad day health-wise and lately I have found myself pulling away from everything again. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, I can’t focus on things and nothing holds any interest for me. I hate being like this. It doesn’t really help that things are not great around here at the moment either. There’s a lot of tension between me and Mark and I am just longing for a break. We are hoping to fix some of the the issues with a trip the Chessington next week. It seems incredible to think that we haven’t even been there once this season yet. Unfortunately until then you are just going to have to accept that I will probably be a little distant. Blogging doesn’t help because there’s not really a specific problem, it’s more of a I think my life sucks problem, it comes and goes. The time has definitely come to go back to the doctors again though. Should Biggest problem with that is that they usually dismiss it as “oh, you can’t be that sick if you haven’t come and seen us for months”, they don’t get that I just don’t have the energy or desire to bother. I fail to see the point when they can’t even understand that yes I am depressed I understand that, but I am depressed because I am sick not sick because I am depressed. The pain was there before the depression, actually the pain has pretty much always been there even before I bothered to tell doctors about it. If I am completely honest I don’t ever remember the pain not being there, I just used to work around it better than I do now. The constant comments about “just being lazy” didn’t used to bother me so much either. I guess it’s like everything else, things change and there’s nothing me or anyone else can do about it except shut up and deal. So that’s what I am doing, shutting up and dealing. The only advantage to feeling like this is that I tend to like purging clutter. So sometimes boxes get sorted, clothes get recycled etc, generally though I tend to purge digital junk. Like old freebie kits and anything I consider inferior quality. I also tend to be quite ruthless about doing it and that’s a good thing. I like seeing how many GB of junk I have gotten rid of, I also like buying stuff to fill the space I just cleared lol. If nothing else it lets me find all the stuff I had forgotten about ever buying.

*Day 4 of the daily download at DSDI are now available*

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