Lately my life seems to be taking a trip down a slippery slope back to a place I dont want to go.
The worst part is I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop it.
Im being very vague aren't I, lets see if I can explain a bit better. I have a stack of new pictures I had to take, beautiful flowers and a whole camera full of our trip to the park last weekend with Lukas and Marks nephew. But have I even attempted to scrap them nope.
PSE4 has been open all day want to know what I have managed to do? 1 layout (thats not great) and altered a picture for someone.
I feel tired, like I can't be bothered to care about anything anymore.
I dont have the aching desire for a baby anymore because I dont have the energy to want anything.Since Marks had his anti depressants he doesn't seem interested in me. Theres no digital kits I feel I have to have and it all makes me feel sad. What a difference a few months make. At the beginning of the year I was all excited I was working for dedicated2digital and loving creating layouts. I had my group of friends in the team at ukscrappers and everything seemed better. When I felt positive and hopeful the pain and misery seemed to be a distant memory, it still bothered me but it was easier to ignore. Things made me feel passionate like the way they neglected Joshua now I just think why do I bother, no-one else steps in and anything I do for him will just be undone when he goes home.
Yesterday was the first time in a while I felt a really strong emotion and that was just utter defeat. We had an arguement and instead of being my usual self fighting every inch of the way until Mark admitted he was wrong I sobbed. He didn't have a clue what to do with me because in his words "it was a different person".
He felt like he was comforting a stranger. Maybe its the heat we have had lately thats been so draining. I really don't know. I want to go back in time and be happy for a while.
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