I mentioned to my team mates today that I didn't think I was very good at this scrapping thing. Obviously they all told me that I was wrong. But I dont think so, see the layouts may look alright but I feel they lack the passion they seem to be technical now and I dont think they show the real me any more.
When I first started scrapping it was a lot of poetry and verses. I think I stepped away from the kind of work I really wanted to produce after some pretty harsh criticism. Now I produce stuff that other people including Mark compliment me on but I dont think I really like them.
The layout I made earlier (its called black and white and its on my scrapbook pages blog) I like it but I dont love it.
Do you want to see one of the only layouts of mine I love?
You dont need to be able to read the verse, but if you want to you can see it here. Its not very technical it didn't take any talent to do it and I probably coud redo it better but I dont want to.I aspire to giving Lukas a collection of layouts with a piece of me in them. I want to be able to produce pages I love maybe that will happen once I feel happy again. When I don't know what I feel theres no feeling to install in the layout. There used to be ideas in my head and lately that seems to have gone now I open something and I play until it looks "alright" but I dont want alright I want "amazing". So I have something to aim for, something to make me better and what more can I ask for?
On a completely different topic Marks mum went to the hospital again today. They took 9 samples of breast tissue so they can confirm whether there are cancerous cells present again. She looked so sad and scared this morning, I felt so sorry for her. I know she annoys me and we dont get on very well but I wouldn't want anyone to feel like that. I was actually very grateful to her today, she never went to work and let Lukas go downstairs and play with her while I slept. I had another bad night last night Mark said the fits were really violent. I don't know but I do know I am bruised all over and ache a lot so they must have been quite bad. Bless her she sorted his clothes out and everything. I got up and dressed him but I didn't have to. She also saved me from having Joshua again they started dropping hints, me I can't say no. I tried looking away and pretending I didn't hear them and then just as he started asking Marks mum pipes up and said "she can't they are going out tonight". A teeny lie, we were planning on going swimming but thats not really out, but I am too tired. Joshua is a lot of hard work and I dont really feel up to it at the moment. Going to get Lukas's bike (for his birthday) tomorrow. Oh joy City Centre on the busiest day of the week also the day the new Argos catalogue comes out, which just for double joy is where we are going to buy the bike.
Im tired now time for bed.
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