We interupt the posting of layouts to deliver this moan

Today is Friday the 13th and damn don't I know about it. Was awake all night and then about 5am decided to go downstairs for a while. First I decided to make Lukas's lunch and realised Mark hadn't remembered to get the ham out of the freezer, minor panic (Lukas only eats ham sandwiches) and then decided will just make bread and butter. Then decide to make some breakfast for me, toast's out because bread if frozen Lukas has different bread then we do so decide on cereal. Only Mark never mentioned that we had nearly used it and obviously Lukas will want something before school. Plan B make ready brek and then discover we have no sugar. I only add a little bit but I can't eat it without it, fine will mix it with chocolate spread looks gross tastes a bit bland but is edible. I always spray a little aerosol cream on the top, went to spray it and can let out huge burst of gas and covered me. This was all before 5:30am! Then I went to make Nan a coffee and knocked it over everywhere, I burnt myself on the kettle and then Lukas came downstairs. He wanted to be carried back upstairs, he's way to heavy for me now an accidently headbutted me straight in the face. Did I get around to mentioning about the abcess that burst the other night, no I don't think I did anyway long story short my face is all swollen from it and it hurts and Lukas made it worse. I had been awake all night and I was tired and miserable but I wasn't going to let Lukas down by not going to his sports day, so I take a few painkillers. I have only found one thing that takes the edge of the pain only problem is that they make me feel sick. So I thought I would lay down just to stop my head spinning and ease some of the nausea and I fell asleep. When Mark woke me up I felt so ill I couldn't even move. Lukas was crying because I was going to miss his first sports day, I really tried but I just couldn't do it. Don't worry Daddy will take pictures I told him and he went off to school happy. When Mark came back and woke me up again I asked if he had taken any good photos, he told me he had forgotten the camera. Lukas had kept saying to him don't forget the camera daddy, I had reminded him and the last words I said to him was have you remembered to put the new batteries in the camera, and he answered "yeah" just proves he doesn't listen to me. Lukas had a complete meltdown when he saw the Mark never had the camera and everyone else's mummy was there and his wasn't. I cried myself back to sleep because I felt like such a failure. I always swore I would never ever miss anything of his at school. When I was little I was that kid, you know the one that's at every school thing looking around for her mummy that's never there. The number of times I ended up in tears because my mum couldn't be bothered to come and watch anything is more than I can count. I never wanted to be that sort of mum. I never wanted to make Lukas feel like that and yet I did. It was beyond my control and I hate that, I hate being ill. But even though I wasn't there Mark had the power to make sure Lukas knew I wanted to see him taking part but he didn't and yet I am the one with the guilt. He has no remorse or anything about what he did. That's yet another first that I missed. I am completely and utterly devastated. There are other issues that are bugging me but my hands are hurting too much to vent about them, so my only option is to cry about them and feel miserable.