Worst Mummy EVER!

So it's a pretty well known fact that I would never ever win any mummy of the year awards. I am too sick all the time to even be a fairly decent mummy half the time. But still I like to think that for the most part I fall into the acceptable area as a mummy. For the past week I have been pretty much out of comission. It started with an earache on one side, I put up with the pain and got on with things as normal. One ear turned into two, still got on with things. Two ears turned into one minor annoyance and one major pain. That pain spread into my neck and then my shoulder. Over the weekend the pain went for being able to cope to crying pathetically, taking vast amounts of painkillers and sleeping a lot. I also kind of ended up looking like the elephant woman as half of my face is swollen to about double the usual size. Through it all I have felt miserable but I have managed to keep my temper in check and not scream at people or burst into tears every few seconds (well mostly). Yesterday I went to the doctors and despite being a rude obnoxious cow who couldn't care less if she tried gave me some antibiotics. Last night the pain reached new heights. I vaguely remember sobbing into my pillow this morning and shouting at Mark for being an idiot. The reason it's vague is because I resorted to taking some majorly strong painkillers we happened to have in the house. It kind of took me the whole day to sleep them off. Now you may wonder what this has to do with me being the worst mummy ever. Well it's really simple, on my desk is a letter telling me all about the schools Harvest Festival celebration. Which I glanced at and managed to misread. The event I thought was on Thursday and had actually planned on attending no matter how ill I felt, was actually today. So as you can imagine I feel like a complete failure. I let Lukas down and I feel so guilty there aren't even words to begin to describe it. But what makes it worse is that Nan revelled in telling me. Telling me all the things I already knew "Poor Lukas, was the only one there with no-one", "All of the other parents were there to watch". When I burst into tears she tried to act all sympathetic "tell mummy it's alright that she missed your Harvest Festival Lukas", "Mummy was too ill to come to your thing wasn't she". But yet still she couldn't resist the snide comments like "Well why didn't Mark stay and watch him", "He could have at least done that for poor Lukas". The only thing worse than knowing your a bad parent is having someone else reiterating that not only do you suck, but the other parent doesn't make an effort to pick up the slack either. She was in a bad mood anyway and when I did get up I heard a whole list of complaints about Mark. Amazingly though now that she has ruined my day and broke my heart she seems to have cheered up, funny that isn't it. I suppose I better go and do bath time, so that she can't throw in my face that I couldn't even do that for Lukas. *sigh* all I want to do is take more painkillers and go back to sleep but instead I will end up sitting here feeling miserable and reminding myself that as a mummy I really really suck.