I kind of had the intention to do this earlier but I was a little busy feeling icky and sorry for myself. It's just that time of the month again where I despise being a girl. There are lots of reasons why it sucks, starting with it being a glaring reminder that I am NOT pregnant (yes I know irony isn't it considering my truth from last week). It's painful, it's energy draining, it's messy, I get sick of the even more erratic mood swings than normal, I hate not being able to regulate my body temperature spening the day alternating between layering on jumpers and stripping down to the smallest t-shirts I own is frustrating to say the least, planning a day out is impossible when you have to rush to the toilet every few minutes (just don't ask I don't want to bore you with the details) and it makes me into what you see before you the whiny, miserable, emotional wreck with the concentration span of a goldfish. It truly sucks but the worst part is the PMT comes a week before and brings with it the mood swings and the irritability. While the energy levels being um zero and the restlessness and general inability to focus on anything stay around for anything between a few days and 2 weeks afterwards depending on how heavy it is. Changing maternity/overnight towels etc every 2-3 hours is a "normal" one, changing them every 15-30 minutes is a "bad" one. Those are my options (not that I really have any control over it) nothing else just which of the two evils I happen to get stuck with. *sigh* guess I am feeling more depressed than normal today. Doctors are no help either we went yesterday (well monday but it feels like yesterday to me), his only recommendation - see a counsellor. I don't want to see a counsellor, I don't need to talk about my problems I need to fix them or even just one of them. I don't want the doctors to snap their fingers and fix everything I just want them to listen to me, to do tests or something and try and find out what causes the problems and then maybe treat them or just treat some of them or hell just treat one of them and I would be happy.
If I could sleep, I wouldn't be so tired. If I wasn't so tired, I wouldn't feel so depressed. If I didn't feel so depressed the pain wouldn't seem so bad. If the pain wasn't there I wouldn't have difficulty moving around or doing anything. If I didn't have such a hard time doing everything maybe I wouldn't be so tired. See it's a great big bloody circle we are going around and around in.
Hell I would even be happy if they would sort out precautions for my latex and wasp allergies so I didn't have to spend my entire time downstairs looking at the door incase a damn wasp flies in. They have seen how severe of a reaction I have to latex yet not a single one of them has ever followed up and sorted out an epi-pen. I spend my life avoiding the things I am allergic to and trust me until you are allergic to something you don't realise how many things contain it. I have to look at everything from pens, to shoes, and kids toys to make-up it's insane. Shopping is horrible because of all the latex in the trolley wheels, Mark can't fix his bike unless he wears clothes that cover everything and then leaves them in the shed because the wheels set me off. So yeah allergies, being sick and being a girl all suck today and I am a real moaning minnie aren't I. Sorry I don't mean to offload it all here, it's just I don't have anywhere else to vent it. Anyway I am going to leave it there (yes I can hear those sighs of relief lol). I will be back tomorrow and tell you about Lukas's doctors appointment (his was monday too but I can't be bothered to type it up now) and why he hasn't gone back to school like he was supposed to.
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