I love it when I get to plot things

I have a secret, and before you say anything no it's not one of those annoying blog posts. You know the ones I mean where people post they have a secret and then revel in keeping people guessing what store they are selling at or what CT they are on. The secret I am talking about is infact only a secret from one person - my little man. I have a surprise planned for him for tomorrow and I am very excited about it. We have booked tickets to go to Chessington again (full theme park day), stay overnight in the onsite hotel and go back to Chessington on Monday (Zoo only day). It's going to be so much fun, even the part where I drag him out of bed at stupid o'clock tomorrow morning it will be worth the inevitable scowls and moaning. See Lukas is like my mirror image he hates being kept in the dark about anything, he hates surprises and he will bug you endlessly to reveal what the secret or surprise is. He's also like me in another way he does not, absolutely definately does not do mornings lol. I am only this chirpy because I haven't made it to bed yet. This week is going to be a lot of fun, this morning we are off to take Lukas and Ella to see Kung Fu Panda at the cinema for the bargain price of £3 (that's total not each!) in the Saturday Morning Kids Club. Tomorrow is the big Chessington trip, we will be back Monday night. Then Wednesday me and Lukas have tickets to go and see Angelina Ballerina Baller at the theatre. Long story short the school sent home letters saying they had 20 tickets available to see Angelina Ballerina for £7.50 it was open to years 2,3 and 4. Well Lukas decided he really wanted to go so we signed the form and Nan gave him the money to take to school the next day. Only when they got there they were told all the tickets had been sold the night before. Lukas was really upset so it was a little bit of mummy to the rescue (with daddy's debit card lol). It's actually a lot better like this it means we get the chance to spend some quality time together and do something and I get to take photographs, lots and lots of photographs lol. We will probably go for a happy meal or a pizza afterwards and then come home. I'm excited, and for the 1st time in a long time I am happy. I am still sick but I don't care we are getting away from it all on our 1st "holiday" it may only be one night away but I desperately need to get out of this house for whatever amount of time I can get. Nan's moaning and whining is annoying and depressing. I need this break and I am determined that we are going to have a blast no matter how ill I feel. So I will catch you on Tuesday I have a couple of layout to share but they can wait if you really want to see them you can always go to September's layout folder here and see them.

Truthful Tuesday again

As if my moaning earlier wasn't truthful enough for you lol. I'll keep it short because I still feel really sick and my bed is practically yelling my name. There are a lot of times when I feel like I am failing miserably as a mother. I look at the reading book from school that I always mean to leave a comment in but never get around to. Don't misunderstand me I read with Lukas and I read to Lukas but I never get around to telling his teachers that. I put Lukas in the bath and leave him to play because I can't stand the light in there. Lukas dresses himself because I can't do up buttons. Mark making Lukas's sandwiches for his packed lunch because I am too tired. It's the little stuff usually that's really unimportant in the scheme of things but that drive me crazy. Lukas won't remember that I didn't do this stuff everyday but I will. But there's nothing that makes me think I am doing a really bad job at this mothering thing like Lukas looking at me and telling me "my heart is broken all the time, because I miss my Leo". I never know what to say to him except "I know baby, mine is too". I feel like I failed as a mother, I couldn't stop Leo from dying or stop Lukas's heart being broken. I can offer kisses and cuddles but I can never really take away Lukas's pain or my own. I will never stop wishing that things could have been different or wonder if the results would have been different if I had done this or done that. I am always questioning whether I am helping Lukas get over losing Leo or just making it worse. I don't want to forget he ever existed, or pretend he was never here but I also don't want to drag up all the hurt and pain and it's a hard balance to find. Mark says I live in the past, dwell too much on the ones who aren't here anymore. I struggle with how much is acceptable to think or talk about the ones who aren't here. I blame myself for a lot of things even though in my heart I know it probably has nothing to do with me. I often wonder if given the chance to do it over whether I would do the same things again because those choices seemed right to me at the time. So tonight I am sitting here, feeling ill and holding back the tears because I just wish there was an easy solution to it all. I wish that I could make sure Leo is remembered, take away the pain of losing him, or just find some way to make it more bearable for Lukas but I can't and it sucks!

Still sick and getting sick of it!

Warning this post will more than likely come complete with moaning, if you don't want to read it you have two choices, either scroll down and you can look at my layouts or come back tomorrow when I might be in a better mood, thank you. Now let the moaning commence. As my title suggests I am getting pretty fed up with being sick. I was able to cope when it was just the headaches and the high temperature, the shivering and the difficulty breathing. I told myself and everyone else it was a cold and it would go away in a few days. I knew it would get worse before it got better it always does. But I have now reached the point where I am fed up. It hurts to open my eyes, I don't like the lights, I can't concentrate on anything and I am having a really hard time reading anything it's blurry and hard to focus on any text especially on the computer. I have been ill like this lots of times but never had problems with my eyes before. I am worn out all the time, and honestly I am starting to get really depressed about the fact, that the only few hours of bringing things back to where I can cope with them come after taking a load of different medications. I don't like taking paracetamol and other stuff more than once or twice a day I know the instructions say I can take them more often than that but I don't care. All I really want to do is to be able to get some work done. Catch up on some of the CT stuff that's outstanding, answer emails without having to guess what they say. My desktop is still the one from August because I haven't gotten around to making a new one, the room is still a mess because I don't have the energy to do anything and whenever I look down I get really dizzy. I have everyday stuff that needs my attention but I just can't get around to doing it. Everyday I get up and I force myself to get dressed and sit here and try and do stuff. Yet everyday all I seem to do is add more things to my to-do list. I just want to get back to feeling like myself again. I know the normal me is sick too but I can deal with that kind of sick. Do I have layouts to share with you today? Can't remember hang on let me go look. Just one created for a challenge at Sweet Shoppe Designs but I can't remember which one right now. Let me go and take some more paracetamol and try the stupid eye drops again and I will be back to post it. Ok back apparently it was for an Inspiration challenge at Sweet Shoppe Designs where you had to Spin-A-Lift one of your own pages. I ended up spinning one of my pages made without a template, well technically the new one was made with a template since I made a template as I made the first one lol.
The original layout was this one - Sweet Ruby (created for the 1st Neopolitan challenge at SSD):

Credits and enabling can be found in this post here, and here is the Spin-A-Lift version (spun 90 degress clockwise).

Credits: Pud Muddles by Kristin Cronin Barrow and Kay Miller. Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: When the rain came down and the garden flooded, we decided that it looked like a great time, to put on our wet weather gear and go outside for a splash in all of the puddles. We got soaked up right up to the waistbands of our trousers but it was fun!

Enabling:

I'll be back to do the enabling later. Yes I know I said that yesterday but I have to go feed Lukas.

Scrapping Saturday and Sicky Sunday

I was going to write a proper post explaining about the weekend and what happened but all I really feel like doing now is crawling back into my bed. I scrapped a few layouts on Saturday and spent the whole of yesterday really sick in bed. I have 4 layouts to share with you in total, three of them were made on Saturday and one was made last night/this morning while I was trying to take my mind off feeling so ill. I don't know if there will be more layouts to share later because all I want to do is sleep. I will leave you with the layouts and maybe I will get back later to write a real post.

The three from Saturday were all made with the items Chrissy had on special in the dollar deals at Elemental Scraps, I meant to post about that here with the layouts but with everything that went on I forgot sorry. You can always pick up the items in her store though, they are just not $1 each.

The first one was created with a template from Sample Pack 2 and a new kit called So It's Your Birthday by Angie Kovacs which was also included in the dollar deals promotion.

Credits: Layered template (Sample Pack 2, Template 1) and Paper Cutters 4x12 (Number straight edge) by Chrissy W and So It's Your Birthday, Journalling strips and A Boy Outdoors by Angie Kovacs. Fonts are FO Printing Primer Abundant and FO-Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Waiting impatiently for it to be time to go to your friend Morgan's 6th birthday party.

Enabling:

The second one was created with a template from the Patti'licious set and a kit called Summers Hot Hot Hawt by Royanna Lea Fritschmann.

Credits: Layered template (Patti'licious, Template 3) by Chrissy W and Summers Hot Hot Hawt by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Font is FO Weathered In Between by Fontologie.

Enabling:

The third one was created with a template from the Mixin' It Up Set and a kit called Petal Pusher by Royanna Lea Fritschmann.

Credits: Layered template (Mixin' it Up, Template 1) by Chrissy W, Bubble Overlays by Antonio Rafaello and Petal Pusher (slightly recoloured) by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Fonts are FO Textura Traced and FO Textura by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Do you know how rare it is, that we have the chance to get a photograph, of the 3 of us together, at the same time? either me or daddy are always the ones behind the camera, because I don’t trust anyone else to even touch it. so when we had the chance to get a photograph of us as a family we jumped at it. The 1st time it didn’t come out great because we weren’t sure where the camera was. So we decided to try again. this time we were ready and we were smiling and then we got to the kiosk to pay for it and we saw this... You pulling a face and poking your tongue out! Not quite the nice family photo I had in mind. But I guess it shows you off as the cheeky little monkey that you truly are Lukas.

Enabling:

The one from this morning was for the class I signed up for called One-in-48 run by Hillary Heidelberg. I know the class provides sketches and layered templates and it's raising money for charity (Save The Children) that was enough to get me to sign up and I am looking forward to starting it later today and seeing exactly what it is about. You can download a sample class for it here, that's what this layout is based on.

Credits: Layered template (One-in-48 Benefit Class Sample) by Hillary Heidelberg, Those We Love Karah's Elijah (slightly recoloured) by Traci Reed and Foam Stamp Text Action by Atomic Cupcake. Fonts are FO Textura Traced and FO Textura Empty by Fontologie and DJB How Cute Am I by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: These photographs show your unique personality perfectly. You went from pouting because you didn’t get your own way, to trying not to smile because we were taking photos of you and teasing you, to being unable to stop giggling all in the space of about a minute. It’s impossible for anyone to stay miserable for long with you around.

Enabling:

I will do the enabling later I just don't feel well enough to sit here anymore right now.

From Our Blog To Yours - How real are you quiz

This prompt is another quiz, the subject this time is how real are you. This should be interesting to read the results, back in a minute with the results.

You Are 66% Real

You know who you are, and you're pretty darn comfortable with yourself. Like everyone, you struggle with the parts of yourself that aren't so great...But you're good at accepting who you are and not dwelling on your faults.As a result, you're confident, optimistic, and very real.

How Real Are You?

From Our Blog To Yours - Could you be a vampire quiz

This time it's a little quiz fuelled by the current Twilight addiction everyone seems to have been hit with. Personally I haven't read them and I wouldn't have even known they existed if everyone wasn't talking about them. But I am a little bit of a sucker for these silly little quizzes lol. Here goes.

You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could.Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most. But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you? It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low. What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

Could You Be a Vampire?

Welcome home mojo, it's great to have you back

I have been busy today, despite still feeling crappy (worse today than I have been for a long time) I have managed 4 layouts today.I am caught up on emails, I am caught up on my blog reader backlog and I even got a little tagging done. I know bizarre isn't it, but I am definately not complaining. I feel a lot more content now that I can see I am making some progress. So do you want to see them?
You know if you are sitting there saying no, I only have one word for you - tough lol. Here we go

First up is a page not actually from today, it's one that drove me slightly insane. It has been sitting in my work in progress file for a while but I am fed up of looking at it so for now it is done. I am still not entirely content with it and I am not sure why I think it might be bacause there isn't much journalling on it, but it seems to be getting positive gallery feedback. Always seems to work that way, the layouts I love get no comments at all and the ones I am unsure about always do, the ones I really don't like tend to go down really well. But I can't scrap for people's praise it's just not me. But anyway here is the layout you decide what you think about it and let me know if you like. I am always happy to hear feedback even if it doesn't make me change the way I scrap.

Credits: Layered template (Mcturtleicious, Template 3) by Chrissy W, For The Boys Mega Kit (Contributions by Leslie Bodoh, Valorie Brown and Colie's Corner), Neutral Stitches and Doodled Journal Tapes by Kate Hadfield and Edges by Lauraskathi. Font is DJB Andrea D by Darcy Baldwin.

The second one was for a cookie decorating challenge at Sweet Shoppe Designs.

Credits: Layered template (Cookie Decorating 101, 17th September 08) by Jacq Delfin and Foooore by Traci Reed. Font is DJB Andrea D by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: Daddy and Lukas - Getting ready to play miniature golf @ Cutteslowe Park for the 1st time. 15th September 08

The third one amazing as it may sound wasn't created with a template, I did it from scratch. This one is a strange one because I quite like it and it seems to have gone down well in the gallery. It was created for the Bits and Pieces challenge at Elemental Scraps, Chrissy donated the mini kit.
I did make a layered template out of it if anyone wants it, I would be happy to upload it for you.

Credits: It's Fall Y'all by Chrissy W and Stock Photo by MarcoMaru. Font is DJB Andrea D by Darcy Baldwin.
Journalling reads: Things we do in Autumn
-Back to school
-Go to St Giles Fair
-Go to the park
-Feed the ducks
-Admire all the colours
-Listen to the sounds
-Watch the squirrels
-Go for walks
-Wrap up warm
-Jump in leaves
-Leaf pictures
-Collect conkers
-Halloween
-Jump in puddles
-Bonfire Night
-Snuggle up together.

The fourth one was something else I never usually do, it was for the It's Elementary My Dear Scrapper challenge at Elemental Scraps. They give you a basic qp to dress up as you like. This time around it was using Chrissy and Angie's collaboration BFF 4 Life. I just added the title to it.

Credits: QP by Sya Potter using BFF 4 Life by Chrissy W and Angie Kovacs and Alpha from BFF 4 Life by Angie Kovacs. Font is DJB Andrea D by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: It takes a while for you to wake up every morning Lukas. We usually start with a lot of grumbling and moaning when we first wake you up. Then slowly we move onto you scowling and then rubbing your eyes. You yawn a little and then finally start being a little less of a grump. It takes about 10 minutes for you to be fully awake and ready for breakfast. It's only then that you turn into the Lukas we all know and love.

The fifth and final one for today was created for the Treat Of The Month challenge at Sweet Shoppe Designs, using one of Bree Clarkson's inspired by Nikki templates.

Credits: Layered template (Inspired by Nikki, Template 1) by Bree Clarkson, Saturday In San Diego by Sara AMarie and Eva Kipler, Page Templates by Janet Phillips, Date Stamps Volume 2 by Brittish Designs and Spell It Plastic Beads by Kin Jensen.

I'll be back to add all the enabling in the morning.

Things I say on this blog

always come back and bite me. Remember this from the other day "I think the part that's really frustrating me about my scrapping is I have ideas, if my inspiration was on holiday I could deal with that. But it's feeling to ill to put those ideas into practice that makes me miserable." Well now I have no ideas either I sit down I spend the few hours of energy I can drag up, moving stuff around before closing the page in sheer frustration and I was wrong I can't deal with that, every day puts me further behind and there is no end in sight. I have uttered the phrase "there aren't enough hours in the day" many times yet for now I am changing it to "there are too many hours in the day" it's endless when you feel crappy. The hours drag on and on yet I get no further forward than I already was. I was going to go to bed with Mark because I am so wiped out but I thought I would just sit here and attempt to get something done, anything at all just so I had something to show for today. Want to know what I have managed to do? Drink a bottle of ribena and snack on half a bag of doritoes because my stomach reminded me I hadn't bothered to feed it today. Anyway while I am here I may as well tell you about what we did yesteday. Lukas had a hospital appointment, ENT referral from the doctor. No it wasn't for the endless ear infections or the massively swollen tonsils that have kept him home from school for lots and lots of days since he first started school. It was for the stupid infection he had already had antibiotics from the doctor um 3 weeks ago. It's been clear since he finished the antibiotics. Apparently he needs seperate referrals for each issue. We were sat in the waiting room for nearly 2 hours, before Mark finally lost his cool and went and asked reception when Lukas was going to be seen. She went off to check and came back with that face. You know the one that says those damn doctors have screwed up again and I have to tell these people how incompetant they are. Apparently the doctors had taken all the notes in with them and instead of seeing patients by arrival time (their system) or something sensible like by appointment time, they were doing it in a completely random fashion and were of the opinion that Lukas had already been seen so they had filed his notes. Eventually we went in to see the doctors yes you did read that right doctors plural as in 3 of them. Lukas sat in the chair, the male doctor turned on a light on his headpiece looked up Lukas's nose and said oh I can't see anything up there you can go. We were in there all of 30 seconds. I had already told the GP that no, Lukas doesn't put anything up his nose that's why he gave him antibiotics. The GP had requested an emergency ENT appointment because he was worried about what sort of infection it was. Lukas had a rash all over him because he was so run down and the GP was even afraid it was menegitis for a while, he went off and got a second GP to come and take a look. They decided it was an upper respitory infection that had probably started as yet another ear infection. So since we had wasted £7 on bus fare up to the hospital we decided that we needed to use it for more than just going to the hospital. So I took an unplanned day off and we went for a family day out. First we got the bus into the city centre and then caught another one to Kidlington. We went to Tesco and bought some food for the ducks, Lukas had a bit of an argument with us when they didn't have any white bread, he was adamant that "ducks don't like brown bread". We then caught another bus to Cutteslowe Park. We looked at the birds for a little while and had a little picnic. Then we went to feed the ducks, once Lukas saw that ducks eat brown bread and like it, he decided that he wanted to eat it instead of feeding them with it. So I got out some pitta breads for him to feed them with and he managed to hit one of them, with a whole one which he thought was hilarious. Even when we told him off he still kept giggling to himself about it. For the rest of the day I heard sniggers followed by the words, pitta bread and duck lol. Then Mark and Lukas had a game of mini golf and about halfway through that the camera batteries died. I wasn't amused that was the set I sent Mark to buy after the set he put into the camera died. Only he would take used batteries out of the video camera and put them in my camera, with no spares silly man! So I never got any photos from the end of their game when Lukas finally started to master holding the club and hitting the ball. But I was most sad that I didn't get any of Lukas playing in the park, eventually tiredness won out (I kind of hadn't been to bed again) so we went home and I went to bed. Lukas wasn't all that thrilled that he had to have a daddy made lunch for school today lol. I have been making him lunches lately, I like to make his food interesting. So he gets sandwiches cut with cutters (hearts are his favourite), cheese slices cut into shapes and anything else I can get creative with. Daddy only makes boring square sandwiches lol. We had a nice day it was a great way to take our minds off the fact that yesterday was Mark's Mum's birthday. It's the first one since she died. I promised Lukas that he could go into the garden, light and candle and sing happy birthday. But because I went straight to bed because I was feeling so ill, he never got to do that, so I promised that we will do that on Mark's next night off which I think may not be until Sunday. But we were thinking of her yesterday and wishing she was here. I almost missed having to nag Mark to write out a card for her and pick up the phone and ring her. Anyway I better go, my ribena bottle needs to be refilled and I really should think about getting some sleep even if I can sleep later.

Still nowhere near back on track

scrapbooking wise, but I suppose for now one layout every few days is better than no layouts at all. I managed a grand total of 1 today and I was finally able to locate the credits I was missing to upload the one I found in the July work in progress file. That one will eventually be a little hybrid project as soon as I can get Mark to cut it out for me, my hands are too bad at the moment to attempt it. I am hoping to get a little scrapping done later today (yes it's sunday already 5:36am *sigh* I don't think I will ever be able to sleep like a normal person during nightime hours.) Lukas has a hospital appointment on Monday and Mark goes back to work on Tuesday. I think the part that's really frustrating me about my scrapping is I have ideas, if my inspiration was on holiday I could deal with that. But it's feeling to ill to put those ideas into practice that makes me miserable. Anyway here are the two layouts I have to show you. Hopefully there will be more later on.

The first one was created for a Scrap With The Sugarbabe's challenge at Sweet Shoppe Designs. If you are wondering the photo was taken at Mark's brother's wedding just over 3 years ago. I didn't add any journalling or date to it because it will be part of the wedding album when I do it.

Credits: Layered template (Mcturtleicious, Template 4) by Chrissy W, Love Bites by Dani Mogstad, Traci Reed and Shawna Clingerman, Elegant Wedding by Heather Roselli and Say It Again Wordart by Carol McFarland (Calligraphy by Carol).

Enabling: Mcturtleicious Templates by Chrissy W available here, Love Bites by Dani Mogstad, Traci Reed and Shawna Clingerman available here, Elegant Wedding by Heather Roselli available here and Say It Again Wordart by Carol McFarland (Calligraphy by Carol) available here.

The second one as you know was an unfinished layout I came across it will be a hybrid jigsaw eventually but for now it's just a layout. Lukas wanted a weddding one so that's what he got.

Credits: Layered template (Sample Pack 3, Template 1 resized) by Chrissy W, Love of my life collection (Changing, Dreaming, Forgiving, Growing, Loving and Solids) by Iara Gomes Baer (BaersGarten) and Love Actually by Amanda Kay.

Enabling: Sample Pack 3 by Chrissy W available here, Love Of My Life Collection by Iara Gomes Baer (Baersgarten) available here and Love Actually by Amanda Kay available here.

Have I shared any layouts this month?

I really don't think I have, I know I meant to and I know I started posting some the other day but I don't think I got around to actually posting them lol. Ok so I will show you all the layouts I have done so far this month, that would be a grand total of 5 yes you read that right 5. I really suck this month, I have 3 more in the work in progress file but even if I finish them that's only 8 altogether.
*sigh* it's not like I have a shortage of new photos or kits to play with. Just off the top of my head I know I haven't scrapped anything from out trip to chessington, haven't scrapped Lukas's 1st day of school, haven't scrapped the new photos Mark took of Ruby when she came to visit. It's depressing that I just don't feel well enough to sit down and scrap. But anyway enough moaning I need to get on with showing you the ones I actually have done lol.
First up was a wedding layout, not done for any challenge I just liked the template lol.

Credits: Layered template (For The Girls, Scrap N Art) Chrissy W, Lavender Tea and Denim Blues Alpha by Megan Farrow (Flergs), Gettin' Fancy 04 Overlays (Overlay 02), Swirly Labels by Susan Bartolini (ScrapKitchen), Folded Corner 1 Template by Karah Fredricks. Fonts are DJB Smartypants and DJB Nicole both by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: My wedding day should have been the happiest day of my life. We shouldn’t have been able to stop smiling, yet here we stood putting on a brave face for the camera. Me and Nan both feeling sad because yet another day was being ruined by my mum, this time because she wasn’t there. I tried to enjoy my wedding day, but it was hard to try and keep smiling, when all I felt like doing was crying, because my family were not there to celebrate with us.

Enabling: Lavender Tea and Denim Blues Alpha by Megan Farrows(Flergs) available here and here, Gettin' Fancy Overlays 04 by Royanna Lea Fritschmann available here, Swirly Labels by Susan Bartolini (ScrapKitchen) available here, Folded Corner Template 1 by Karah Fredricks available here and DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin available here. I can't seem to find DJB Smartypants by Darcy Baldwin sorry and the layered template is currently available free in the new edition of Scrap N Art Ezine, you can subscribe here for free.

The 2nd and 3rd ones were made with Chrissy's new template set, but the 2nd one is also for the Recipe challenge at Sweet Shoppe Designs.

Credits: Layered template (AD it up, Template 2) and Paper Cutters (Scallop Edge Thick) by Chrissy W and Scary Moon Cat by Lauren Grier. Fonts are AL Highlight and color me purple by Kimberly Geswein.

Journalling reads: You were on your way downstairs, as I noticed that someone had left my camera on the stairs. As I bent down to pick it up, you rapidly turned around and raced back upstairs. As you giggled I chased after you and managed to snap this picture. I guess that is one way of telling me that you don’t want your photograph taken today Lukas.

Enabling:Layered template (AD it up, Template 2) and Paper Cutters (Scallop Edge Thick) by Chrissy W available here and here, Scary Moon Cat by Lauren Grier available here, Fonts are AL Highlight available here and color me purple by Kimberly Geswein available here.

Credits: Layered template (AD it up, Template 4) by Chrissy W, Prehistoric by Dani Mogstad, Basic Straight Stitching by Jessica Bolton and Messy Staples Cardboard by Kate Hadfield. Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: When mummy told you that we were going to visit the Oxford University Museum of Natural History you really weren’t very enthusiastic about the idea. You couldn’t understand what could possibly be interesting about seeing “old stuff”. But since it was one of the many things mummy had planned but not not been able to do with you during the school holidays, mummy was insistant that we do something educational on our last day out as a family before you went back to school. First we went to the fair and you got to see all the lights and ride on some rides. When mummy couldn’t stand the loud music, the flashing lights, the smoke and the crowds anymore then we walked down to the museum. You moaned and whinged every step of the way. In the end we made a deal, if you shut up moaning and went to the museum we would go back to the fair. So you stopped moaning and started asking about what was in the museum. We told you to wait and see and reassured you that you would like it. When we got to the museum, you saw that the big heavy wooden doors were shut. Daddy helped you to turn the handle and open them. As you stepped inside you were surprised to see that there were lots of people inside. You held daddy’s hand and walked inside towards the exhibits. The first one was rocks and fossils. While mummy was taking some photographs, you and daddy wondered around for a while. You were really unsure about touching anything, but with a little prompting you did gather enough courage to stroke the stuffed animals and touch the fossils. Then you saw it - the interative miscroscope in the geology section. and your little eyes lit up, but although you were itching to touch it you were afraid you would get in trouble. We reassured you that you could touch it and still you refused. Until daddy had a go, and you couldn’t resist the temptation anymore. You had a great time spinning the sample tray, pushing the buttons, zooming in closer and closer the displayon the screen was literally a blur. You couldn’t believe you luck that there were buttons, that made stuff happen and you were allowed to sit down and play with them! You had a lot of fun doing this and were fascinated by all the different rocks and how they changed as you zoomed in closer and closer. When we said it was time to go you moaned and asked when we could come back. I only had one thing to say to you “I told you that you would like it here”. I just couldn’t resist that little bit of mummy pride at knowing I was right, and you had really enjoyed our educational trip.

Enabling:Layered template (AD it up, Template 4) by Chrissy W available here, Prehistoric by Dani Mogstad available here, Basic Straight Stitching by Jessica Bolton available here, Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin available here. The Messy Staples Cardboard by Kate Hadfield are now retired.

The 4th and 5th ones I did this evening, they are both for Cookie Decorating 101 challenges at Sweet Shoppe Designs (Challenges 49 and 50)

Credits: Layered template (Cookie Decorating 101, September 3rd 2008) by Meghan Mullens, Birthday Cake: A Second Helping by Dani Mogstad, Pokey Spots Alpha by Darcy Baldwin, Paper Shapers and Got A Date Strips by Britt-ish Designs and Studio Styles 2 by Royanna Lea Fritschmann.

Enabling:Birthday Cake: A Second Helping by Dani Mogstad available here, Pokey Spots Alpha by Darcy Baldwin available here, Paper Shapers and Got A Date Strips by Britt-ish Designs available here and here. I can't seem to find Studio Styles 2 by Royanna Lea Fritschmann in the store anymore sorry. Template is for Cookie Decorating 101 #49 all the details including download link can be found here.

Credits: Layered template (Cookie Decorating 101, September 10th 2008) by Cindy Schneider, Retro Boy by Fee Jardine and Newsprint Alpha by Melissa Bennett. Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: You had a great time playing splat the rat at the school summer fete. It was really hard for you to coordinate swinging the bat and hitting the “rat” but eventually you got it. I was so proud that you kept trying and didn’t give up until you did it. 5th July 2008.

Enabling: Retro Boy by Fee Jardine available here , Newsprint Alpha by Melissa Bennett available here, Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin available here. Template is for Cookie Decorating 101 #50 all the details including download link can be found here.

I'll be back in a minute to do the enabling

It's impossible to forget

no matter how hard you try, that on this day 7 years ago something happened that changed the world forever. September 11th 2001 when the Twin Towers in America were taken down by terrorist hijacked aeroplanes. A quick google search will summarise this day better than I ever could with it mixture of images of suffering, terror, fear and despair combined with stories of patriotism, heroism, bravery and more than anything hope. Through the darkest of times people showed just how much they are able to cope with, how strong they could be and as difficult as it was they survived and they walked out of the other side. This day makes me cry every time I think about it, all those people who just went to work that day thinking it was a normal day. They never knew they wouldn't be coming home, that when they kissed wives/husbands and maybe kids goodbye that would be the last time. My thoughts wonder to the people who didn't get to do that maybe they left in a hurry, or they had been arguing with their loved ones and my heart aches for the guilt and sorrow the people left behind must feel. But I try hard not to think about it, sure there are things about September 11th that should make us proud, but today my thoughts are with those left behind, the others who are tormented by the events that occured 7 years ago and to the ones who like me are trying not to remember just why today is not just another day on the calendar. This date will always bring back memories, no amount of time will ever change that. It will always be the anniversary of the day the world waged a war on terror. That we stood up and recognised there are people in this world who will stop at nothing to make a point, there are people who don't care how many lives are lost to get their message across.

Happy Birthday Mark

It's Mark's birthday today, he turned 31. I got him a Lord Of The Rings DVD boxset but haven't been out anywhere to get him a card. I was intending to make him something but because of how ill I have been feeling later I didn't manage that either. I feel really guilty but he doesn't seem bothered. He's had a drink, played his playstation and is content with that. I honestly don't think he has had a decent birthday since he met me, every year something comes up and everything I plan to do to make his day special goes to hell. I was afraid he might be upset since it's the 1st birthday he's had without his mum but I suppose it helps that she wasn't really all that interested because he really didn't seem to notice. He might be a bit different on monday when it's her birthday though. We had a great day out together as a family yesterday. We went to St Giles Fair, and then the museum before having dinner in Pizza Hut and then coming home because me and Lukas were feeling poorly. Mark spent the evening playing the computer and me and Lukas spent it sleeping. Lukas went back to school this morning, the little troll wouldn't let Mark take any photographs though. Poor little guy came home to the wrath of a picture deprived mummy, I was hoping to scrap with those tonight. So he's promised he will sit still tomorrow morning and have some taken. I think he would have agreed to anything just to get me to stop looking at him and making him feel guilty lol. It's just a talent that I have lol. Anyway I know this is brief but I have lots to do tonight before I go to bed and um it's already nearly 2:30am. I'll probably be back tomorrow with a more detailed update and some layouts to share.

From Our Blog To Yours - Crayola Colours

This is a fun little quiz on the Crayola website where you have to name the colours of the crayons in the box. I didn't really have much hope for this since I have never actually owned a set of Crayola crayons in any shape or size lol. Yes I know I am a freak of nature I never liked crayons, the smell of them or the feel of them just made me shudder. I loved to colour but it had to be with colouring pencils and then later my addiction became gel pens. I still have a fondness for the stationary section in any store even now. There is an insane amount of colouring materials in this house. But anyway on with the quiz. My results were:
Congratulations you names all 64 crayons with 81 mistakes. You are a certified colour genius.
That's even worse than I thought it would be lol but at least I got them all right eventually lol.

Am I alone in thinking that it never ends?

There always seems to be one thing after another going wrong around here, first there was Nan's broken arm and her hospital stay, then we added in Lukas being sick and Mark being off work and this was all on top of my own health issues. I always seem to find myself saying it will get better when... insert something here Mark goes back to work, Lukas goes back to school. Then something else goes wrong and I just end up further and further behind then where I started. It feels like swimming in the ocean, and the tide is always against you leaving you further back then where you started originally. Basically you have two choices either lay back and let the current take you where it wants you to go or swim against it. The problem with choosing the swimming option is sometimes you get tired and you just want to give up and drown. Right now I am doggy paddling my way through life, I am getting by not really making much progress, not getting too far just doing enough to prevent being dragged too far back. I am not ready to admit defeat and just lay back and let life take me where it wants me to go. That's why I am sitting here, and I am choosing to sit and go through emails, and do all my other day to day stuff when every part of my body is screaming to be allowed to go back to bed. That's why I bothered to get dressed and I am not taking painkillers which will only make me more sleepy. In a minute I am going to attempt to cross some things off that are written on the huge to-do list that is threatening to become a to-do book lol.

Truthful uh Wednesday technically lol

I kind of had the intention to do this earlier but I was a little busy feeling icky and sorry for myself. It's just that time of the month again where I despise being a girl. There are lots of reasons why it sucks, starting with it being a glaring reminder that I am NOT pregnant (yes I know irony isn't it considering my truth from last week). It's painful, it's energy draining, it's messy, I get sick of the even more erratic mood swings than normal, I hate not being able to regulate my body temperature spening the day alternating between layering on jumpers and stripping down to the smallest t-shirts I own is frustrating to say the least, planning a day out is impossible when you have to rush to the toilet every few minutes (just don't ask I don't want to bore you with the details) and it makes me into what you see before you the whiny, miserable, emotional wreck with the concentration span of a goldfish. It truly sucks but the worst part is the PMT comes a week before and brings with it the mood swings and the irritability. While the energy levels being um zero and the restlessness and general inability to focus on anything stay around for anything between a few days and 2 weeks afterwards depending on how heavy it is. Changing maternity/overnight towels etc every 2-3 hours is a "normal" one, changing them every 15-30 minutes is a "bad" one. Those are my options (not that I really have any control over it) nothing else just which of the two evils I happen to get stuck with. *sigh* guess I am feeling more depressed than normal today. Doctors are no help either we went yesterday (well monday but it feels like yesterday to me), his only recommendation - see a counsellor. I don't want to see a counsellor, I don't need to talk about my problems I need to fix them or even just one of them. I don't want the doctors to snap their fingers and fix everything I just want them to listen to me, to do tests or something and try and find out what causes the problems and then maybe treat them or just treat some of them or hell just treat one of them and I would be happy.
If I could sleep, I wouldn't be so tired. If I wasn't so tired, I wouldn't feel so depressed. If I didn't feel so depressed the pain wouldn't seem so bad. If the pain wasn't there I wouldn't have difficulty moving around or doing anything. If I didn't have such a hard time doing everything maybe I wouldn't be so tired. See it's a great big bloody circle we are going around and around in.
Hell I would even be happy if they would sort out precautions for my latex and wasp allergies so I didn't have to spend my entire time downstairs looking at the door incase a damn wasp flies in. They have seen how severe of a reaction I have to latex yet not a single one of them has ever followed up and sorted out an epi-pen. I spend my life avoiding the things I am allergic to and trust me until you are allergic to something you don't realise how many things contain it. I have to look at everything from pens, to shoes, and kids toys to make-up it's insane. Shopping is horrible because of all the latex in the trolley wheels, Mark can't fix his bike unless he wears clothes that cover everything and then leaves them in the shed because the wheels set me off. So yeah allergies, being sick and being a girl all suck today and I am a real moaning minnie aren't I. Sorry I don't mean to offload it all here, it's just I don't have anywhere else to vent it. Anyway I am going to leave it there (yes I can hear those sighs of relief lol). I will be back tomorrow and tell you about Lukas's doctors appointment (his was monday too but I can't be bothered to type it up now) and why he hasn't gone back to school like he was supposed to.