Updates

The heat here has been unbearable for the last few days, give me freezing winter anytime.
This has meant that our wireless router has overheated frequently, I have hardly been able to check my emails even stupid thing, so now we have resorted to hardwiring the desktop machine and losing the internet connection for the laptop. At least until it cools down or we can buy a better router.
So apart from the heat what else has been going on,
Yvonne passed away early on the 9th of June. Her funeral is currently being planned and will be amazing with a horse drawn carriage and limosines for her family. Im pleased that her son is making such an effort to give her a lovely send off , just a shme shes not here to enjoy it.
Lukas goes to nursery for full sessions now and I dont even have to stay. Hes looking forward to the trip to the wildlife park soon.
England won their first game in the world cup 1-0 due to an own goal by Paraguay. We play again on Thursday against Trinidad and Tobago. I love football and get really into cheering when they score, im patriotic lol. But I also cheered when Australia won 3-1 this afternoon. Its great to see teams people dont really consider winning.
What else oh Mark has been signed off work for another 4 weeks because of worries about infection in his thumb, the good news is he seems to be a lot more like the old Mark now the anti-depressants are kicking in. Its slow but steady progress we will get there eventually.
I promised some more detail about the inquest didn't I, ok here goes:
Cause of death was narrowed down to two possibilities neither of which they could prove or disprove, the first was that water had caused the back of his throat to spasm and temporarily stop him breathing as a response everything shut down in his system. This could have been from even a tiny bit of water like Lukas splashing. The second was that the infection they found present had overcome his system. The effects of this virus have not been widely established in small babies. Drowning was definately ruled out as was abuse, or an accident.
There was a lovely letter written by doctor about how she thought I was "capable and caring beyond my years". The coroner himself also stated that I obviously cared a lot for not only Leo but Lukas as well. They talked a little about my past medical history which annoyed me but they never actually questioned my abilites as a mother. The neurologist from the hospital said I seemed unaware of how ill Leo was, I knew I just didn't show them my tears, thats not me. When they told us we had lost Gaiebraille, they said I didn't care or understand because I didn't cry. They didn't see the total breakdown in the car park afterwards. Only Mark has really seen how much I hurt same as only Mark knows the real me and why I am the person I am.
I have to make a doctors appointment soon so they can try and get to the root of some of the medical issues, the doctor seems to think some things will get better if I get pregnant but I disagree, I would love another baby but right now I am too tired to do the job of being a mother as well as I want to.
So my current plans are to :
1. Feel better somehow
2. Lose some weight but exercise is impossible at the moment I am shattered for a few days after my weekly swimming session with Lukas.
3. I have some scrapping projects in mind. One is to scrap TV programmes from my childhood and Marks and then from Lukas's so he can see not only what he liked but what we did as well. The second is to scrap things that made my life better that he probably wont get to see inventions, fashions etc. They are big projects but I think they will help Lukas to know who I am. But first I need to find some drive and inspiration maybe they are sunning themselves in the horrible heat lol.
I might pop back later and ramble some more xx