*sigh*

Yesterday was a strange old day, we were sad and miserable as to be expected. But we also put up the Christmas Tree, and started decorating the house. It felt so wrong to me to do it but we have always had all of our decorations up by the 1st December usually it's so they are up for my mum's birthday on the 4th. I can't get into any kind of christmas spirit. Nan is really poorly, when I was younger she had a serious problem with one of her legs and had to be admitted to hospital. It's much worse than she had it before but when she went to the doctors they just gave her a week's worth of antibiotics and sent her home. When she had it before they took her straight into hospital for some IV antibiotics. I am worried about her, she can hardly stand on her leg and it's swollen to about 2/3 times the usual size and it's very red and angry looking. Lukas is more ill than I have ever seen him before he can't stop coughing can hardly speak because his throat is so sore and has a constantly running nose. He gets a lot of coughs and colds but not usually like this he gets a nasty barking cough and that's it or he gets a runny nose never both at the same time. He's currently watching Cartoon network because he's too sick to sleep bless him. I have been asleep most of the day because I am wiped out from all the emotion of yesterday and I am in a lot of pain. I still have my stupid period and it's really heavy this time. I just feel utterly miserable with life and tomorrow I have to try and decorate the Christmas Tree, it takes almost the whole day pulling the branches out on it, adding the lights and then when that's done it's time to start the task of putting up all the other lights around the house. It's supposed to be a fun family activity but I just can't get motivated to be happy about it, truthfully it just seems like a waste of time and effort we aren't enjoying any of it because we feel ill but I guess the hope is once it's done seeing it will make us happier. I just wish I knew how to find some of that holiday spirit I used to have, I used to really love Christmas now I swing between being completely indifferent about it to despising it for all it's falseness and work it brings with it. There's not anything to look forward to with Christmas this year, there won't be any getting together with family since my mum still isn't talking to me , my dad can't even manage to pick up a phone and call me or write a letter, heck I would be thrilled with an email even and don't even get me started on Mark's family. There won't be any party on Boxing Day this year, so no getting dressed up and having fun to look forward to. We don't drink much so it's not like we could even look forward to doing that and being silly and to be completely honest even Lukas doesn't seem to be all that bothered this year. *sigh* if anyone has an spare Christmas Spirit they could lend me I really would appreciate it, catch you tomorrow after the tree is decorated. Maybe I will even bother to take photos of it to show you.