We went for the scan on Monday. When they looked at us and started the sentance with Im sorry I actually felt my heart break more with every word. This baby was so longed for and wanted. Right now I cant get any further than the Its not fair attitude. When they wrote out my notes the parity at the top was 2+1/2+1 for anyone whose never seen maternity notes the first number refers to babies delivered, The second number refers to babies lost, the third number they added to refer to neonatal deaths. The 2/1 on mine is because before Lukas was born I had 5 weeks of bleeding that could have been a miscarriage but they weren't sure. The thought that is constantly on my mind is how unfair it is that mine says that while my mum's says 9+0. She doesn't even like kids.
Lukas is the reason I get up every day.
Gaiebraille the first angel baby
Leo was my miracle
We named this one Ambrose - It means Immortal always thought of. This one was my hope.
I dont even have that anymore.
Life without hope seems hardly worth it.
As miserable as I am now I know that I will get through it how long it will take is anyones guess. But im too stubborn to just give up. I have to have faith that one day things will get better because the odds have to work in my favour at some point I hope.
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