Journey of self discovery

So as good as the intention to write on here daily is, the theory is harder to make a reality.
Somedays the keyboard and the blank screen seem too daunting - I have done nothing anyone else is bothered in hearing about so why write it. Somedays the actual doing is just too hard, there's too much going on in my head and I can't concentrate on what I actually want to say, when that happens something that's bugging me can turn into a blog entry days or even weeks afterwards makes no sense to you but to me it's taken that long to work it out.
Lastly there's the very best excuse for not writing my blog technology conspires against me lol.
In the past week we have had days when we have had no internet connection, days where the connection lasts a few minutes and best of all days where the connection is fine and blogger is down. Typical! lol.
Anyway enough mindless rambling onto the topic of this post journey of self discovery.
Over at Scrapgirls, they have started something new every Tuesday. It's called
"Bachelor's Degree in Me - Becoming all that we can be". Sounds interesting, so I might give it a go avoiding anything about God and Spirituality.
I signed up for the FLYLady program as well. I'm going to completely ignore all the irrelevant parts like shining the sink but I do like the idea of babysteps.
I will try anything for a while to see if it can improve my life. I have a great collection of past hobbies and habits I have dabbled in. In my loft I have lots of books/information about alternative therapies. I bought aromatherapy oils, magnetic bracelets, sleep aids and the list goes on and on. They last for as long as it takes for me to get frustrated that they haven't helped. Scrapping has lasted the longest so far. When I started scrapping it was all about expressing my emotions and then it became about making art and creating because it was fun.
Lately it kind of stopped being fun, my ability to create layouts went on a long holiday. I was sitting staring at Photoshop CS2 and wondering why the hell I had bothered switching it on.
Over the weekend I got something from scrapping again and it was nice. I took part in a cybercrop over at UKS and I enjoyed it a bit. The computer acted up all weekend the internet only worked when it felt like it and I only managed to create a few layouts but it was nice.
But thats the issue isn't it lately the best anything can be is nice. I took part in two previous Cybercrops at UKS and bored everyone senseless from the minute they were announced until the Sunday they finished. I joined in with everything swaps, chats, gossiping, I scrapped all day and all night, I set alarms for stupid times so I didn't miss anything. Want to know what I did this time I started about 5pm Saturday did a few classes a few challenges, never entered the chatroom, ignored the gossip threads and the swaps went to bed by midnight because I was too tired to stay up anymore. Sunday I did almost the same. I took part in nothing that makes it fun. I worked it out today I am getting married in 51 Days. Invites have been ordered but not arrived yet, dress has been chosen and in process of ordering. BUT excitement has yet to make an appearance, I'm still bored by the whole thing.
Suppose it could be down to Leo's anniversary or Lukas being ill or any number of other things. Most likely though it's probably because getting married never interested me. Neither did having kids but that changed after Lukas, maybe marriage will work the same.
Surely things will be fine as long as Mark and everyone else is aware a ring does not make me his property, I am not going to change and become ms domesticated or crazy baby married lady. If he wants someone to wash his clothes and cook and iron he can do it his bloody self.
Im bored now so signing off. Will try and pop back for more moaning tomorrow.