This rotten cold or flu thing is driving me insane. My throat is really sore and I am having trouble seeing the screen because my eyes are running. Im sick of blowing my nose and going for a wee every couple of seconds and just to make my day better my period came this morning. Yes I was hoping I was pregnant and I know it was stupid but I cant help myself.
To make my day even better still Lukas is having one of those days that makes you wonder why you ever had kids. He's poorly as well but still seems to have boundless energy lucky git. LOL.
So are you getting the picture that my day is kind of rubbish, its not getting any better yet I have broken the new dvd drive I slipped and bent the tray so if the warranty doesn't cover it, we have to find the cost of a new one. We currently have a printer thats printing everything green and requires 2 new cartridges and one that works when it feels like it. The router is another thing that works when it feels like it. So combined this equals no new hard drive this month either *sigh*. Mark has a slight cold so you can guess how much hes moaning today.
Im not even going to attempt to make any layouts today they are bound to go wrong and make me cry.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Bad Blogger
Oh I am so bad at updating this blog. But in my defence I have been busy and ill.
I have made quite a few new layouts you can see some of them on my other blog.
Ok so down to the moaning yesterday they came up with Joshua. Not only was he filthy as normal but hes lost loads of weight, it looked like he had fleas in his hair and there were bruises on his back and chest. They dont deserve him they really dont. I think we have reached the point now where it gone past just neglecting him. Hes also vicious and nasty now because hes never been taught the word no. Im going to have to do something but finding exactly where to start is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Lukas is supposed to be ill has a bit of a temperature,says his neck hurts (he means his throat) and has a cough yet he still went out with Marks mum and dad earlier. He always manages the impossible of getting blood out of a stone aka getting them to buy him stuff. Came home with a happy meal, cars and a windmill today.
This year seems to be going so fast its almost June already.
I was going to come on here the other day and moan about the way that my family treats me but I forgot and now it no longer bothers me as much. Dragging all the way to my mums to see my visiting Grandma and then having no-one speak to me was hurtful. But now Im starting to see it all as just what my family do. My mum actually spoke to Mark which is a rare occurance but admitedly it was only to go on about how fat I have always been etc etc. She also took great pleasure in running down my brother Darren - his crime to her this time is that hes moving out yay for him. Hes emigrating to New Zealand later this year with his girlfriend and her parents.
But he couldn't stand the witch that is my mum any longer so hes moved in with a friend.
Shes annoyed because she was relying on my brother to pay for the holiday they are going on.
My other brother Gavin is currently her dream child thats because hes as nasty as she is. LOL
Im feeling a bit unmotivated today, might go have a cuddle with Mark and have a break from the computer for the evening - wonder how long that notion will last before my addiction to my beast (computer) returns LOL
I have made quite a few new layouts you can see some of them on my other blog.
Ok so down to the moaning yesterday they came up with Joshua. Not only was he filthy as normal but hes lost loads of weight, it looked like he had fleas in his hair and there were bruises on his back and chest. They dont deserve him they really dont. I think we have reached the point now where it gone past just neglecting him. Hes also vicious and nasty now because hes never been taught the word no. Im going to have to do something but finding exactly where to start is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Lukas is supposed to be ill has a bit of a temperature,says his neck hurts (he means his throat) and has a cough yet he still went out with Marks mum and dad earlier. He always manages the impossible of getting blood out of a stone aka getting them to buy him stuff. Came home with a happy meal, cars and a windmill today.
This year seems to be going so fast its almost June already.
I was going to come on here the other day and moan about the way that my family treats me but I forgot and now it no longer bothers me as much. Dragging all the way to my mums to see my visiting Grandma and then having no-one speak to me was hurtful. But now Im starting to see it all as just what my family do. My mum actually spoke to Mark which is a rare occurance but admitedly it was only to go on about how fat I have always been etc etc. She also took great pleasure in running down my brother Darren - his crime to her this time is that hes moving out yay for him. Hes emigrating to New Zealand later this year with his girlfriend and her parents.
But he couldn't stand the witch that is my mum any longer so hes moved in with a friend.
Shes annoyed because she was relying on my brother to pay for the holiday they are going on.
My other brother Gavin is currently her dream child thats because hes as nasty as she is. LOL
Im feeling a bit unmotivated today, might go have a cuddle with Mark and have a break from the computer for the evening - wonder how long that notion will last before my addiction to my beast (computer) returns LOL
Friday, May 12, 2006
Things you realise
I was just sat here thinking about stuff and realised I would have been 17 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Also realised its less than a month until Leos inquest. I miss him so much and im a bit nervous about the inquest.
what is it with people lately?
Why does everyone seem to be of the opinion that it ok to be rude and insulting?
If people I consider friends feel its ok to be nasty then what hope does that leave for people I dont like and even strangers.
I am currently sitting here unable to decide whether to be angry or to sit and sob my heart out and all because of things other people say.
When I was younger I was bullied a lot, my biggest goal was to get out of school and away from the nasty comments and yet here I am at age 21 still getting upset over other peoples lack of self control I bite my tongue and then hate myself for not telling them to get stuffed.
I want to be proud of myself for my restraint but I cant I just feel like I am some kind of worthless doormat that lets people walk all over them and insult them and doesn't say a word in her own defence.
If people I consider friends feel its ok to be nasty then what hope does that leave for people I dont like and even strangers.
I am currently sitting here unable to decide whether to be angry or to sit and sob my heart out and all because of things other people say.
When I was younger I was bullied a lot, my biggest goal was to get out of school and away from the nasty comments and yet here I am at age 21 still getting upset over other peoples lack of self control I bite my tongue and then hate myself for not telling them to get stuffed.
I want to be proud of myself for my restraint but I cant I just feel like I am some kind of worthless doormat that lets people walk all over them and insult them and doesn't say a word in her own defence.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
fed up again what a surprise
Feeling really rough today tired and achy been asleep most of the day, when I got up is when I started getting fed up. Lukas has been dressed in his new england kit to play in the garden, hes been playing outside all day with no shoes on,no suncream or hat,and hes been put in training pants again because no-one could be bothered to take him to the toilet.
When I am around Mark is quite good with him, when I am ill or something Mark seems to just dump Lukas with his mother. Its not difficult to care for Lukas thats why I get so mad when no-one bothers. Since I got up Lukas has been dressed in clean clothes,with socks and shoes. We took him to the park with his remote control car. When we bought him home I have cut his hair,bathed and undressed him. Hes happy now and ready for sleep. It just really winds me up that Mark never even bothered to take Lukas to nursery today.
When I am around Mark is quite good with him, when I am ill or something Mark seems to just dump Lukas with his mother. Its not difficult to care for Lukas thats why I get so mad when no-one bothers. Since I got up Lukas has been dressed in clean clothes,with socks and shoes. We took him to the park with his remote control car. When we bought him home I have cut his hair,bathed and undressed him. Hes happy now and ready for sleep. It just really winds me up that Mark never even bothered to take Lukas to nursery today.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Moan first nice later
Men are stupid, and ignorant or at least Mark is. Silly idiot doesn't listen - "Have you put Lukas's quad bike away?" general grunt in reply so try again and get "in a minute". He goes downstairs comes up again "did you put the quad bike away" "yeah" which just proves my point that he doesn't listen because he hadn't. Massive rainfall and 12 hours later theres a strange buzzing noise through the whole house - Quad bike has been left in the rain and the kiddy music is now on constantly. Going to ask me now why I didn't just do it myself. I cant touch the quad bike because of the latex handles, I have a severe latex allergy and because the tablets that help a little weren't safe to take during pregnancy I dont have any because tut tut I haven't been back to the doctors yet, what a surprise LOL.
Marks working the twilight shifts this week thats 12:30pm until 1am no longer than what he does normally just means we annoy each other at different times of the day LOL.
I have quite a bit to catch up with on the 40 days of scrapping purpose but I have all the challenges stored on my hardrive to do at my leisure theres no rush. Im not all that fussed about the posting bonuses and things I just wanted some new motivation.
Thats enough moaning for today now onto some nice stuff.
I made some new layouts yesterday, trying out some new styles at the moment, I just like playing with my kits.
Do you know what I cant think of anything nice, or even something bizarre or lovely Lukas has done. So I guess thats the point where I should shut up LOL
I might be back later and add some more mindless rubbish or if I am really lucky I might have something interesting to talk about.
Marks working the twilight shifts this week thats 12:30pm until 1am no longer than what he does normally just means we annoy each other at different times of the day LOL.
I have quite a bit to catch up with on the 40 days of scrapping purpose but I have all the challenges stored on my hardrive to do at my leisure theres no rush. Im not all that fussed about the posting bonuses and things I just wanted some new motivation.
Thats enough moaning for today now onto some nice stuff.
I made some new layouts yesterday, trying out some new styles at the moment, I just like playing with my kits.
Do you know what I cant think of anything nice, or even something bizarre or lovely Lukas has done. So I guess thats the point where I should shut up LOL
I might be back later and add some more mindless rubbish or if I am really lucky I might have something interesting to talk about.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Cant say a damn thing right today!!
Having a rubbish day today, cant seem to get anything to come out sounding like I intended.
We are having problems between me and Mark lately we seem to be back in the bad place we were in before when we split up. The saving point for us last time was losing Leo. We turned to each other for comfort. To be honest its getting depressing that we never seem to do anything or go anywhere. He comes in from work and moans hes tired and does nothing. I dont say anything because he has worked a 12 hour shift but then on his days off he does nothing either. We never go anywhere. Now for example hes sat playing his playstation 2 the stupid game music is blasting out and driving me mad. It means I cant even listen to some music to help me relax. Him and Lukas argue constantly mindless bickering. I want to bang there heads together!
So back to things coming out wrong I have manged to offend a friend today without even meaning to i'm so miserable lately I cant seem to see the good side of things. A friend of ours had a baby girl yesterday and I am jealous as hell. Its getting to me now that I should be going to hopsital visits and stuff for our baby and im not because we dont have one. The part that gets to me most is she didn't even want the baby the only reason she had it is because they refused her another abortion (shes had loads already).
Apparently this crappy existance is called life. Perosnally I think it sucks and there has to be something better than this because right now I dont want to get up each day and be fighting with Mark or have the silence between us. I dont want to be insanely jealous when other people have babies. But most of all I dont want to be feeling so sad and low all the time.
Need a solution answers on a postcard please LOL
We are having problems between me and Mark lately we seem to be back in the bad place we were in before when we split up. The saving point for us last time was losing Leo. We turned to each other for comfort. To be honest its getting depressing that we never seem to do anything or go anywhere. He comes in from work and moans hes tired and does nothing. I dont say anything because he has worked a 12 hour shift but then on his days off he does nothing either. We never go anywhere. Now for example hes sat playing his playstation 2 the stupid game music is blasting out and driving me mad. It means I cant even listen to some music to help me relax. Him and Lukas argue constantly mindless bickering. I want to bang there heads together!
So back to things coming out wrong I have manged to offend a friend today without even meaning to i'm so miserable lately I cant seem to see the good side of things. A friend of ours had a baby girl yesterday and I am jealous as hell. Its getting to me now that I should be going to hopsital visits and stuff for our baby and im not because we dont have one. The part that gets to me most is she didn't even want the baby the only reason she had it is because they refused her another abortion (shes had loads already).
Apparently this crappy existance is called life. Perosnally I think it sucks and there has to be something better than this because right now I dont want to get up each day and be fighting with Mark or have the silence between us. I dont want to be insanely jealous when other people have babies. But most of all I dont want to be feeling so sad and low all the time.
Need a solution answers on a postcard please LOL
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