Friday, July 24, 2009

I have a feeling today is going to be a long day

The weather is rubbish, we have already had a thunderstorm and some really heavy rain, right now it’s not raining but it’s really damp and cold everywhere. Nan is driving me mad moaning about how it’s July and it should be summertime. She’s driving me mad because when it was hot she was moaning just as much about that there is just no pleasing her. I am feeling pretty miserable since the weather is making me really stiff and sore on top of everything else. I’m also really shivering but I don’t want to put on any more clothes because I get too hot, I will be so glad when the baby is born and I just get to be one or the other again. I have a lot of things I am supposed to be doing but for now I have no motivation so I am taking advantage of the fact that Lukas is downstairs with Nan to just have some peace and quiet, catch up on my blog reader and do some other bits and pieces on the computer that are impossible to concentrate on with Lukas around. Mark’s working a different shift today so he has already gone to work and will be home about 7:30pm tonight. Yesterday he spent the majority of the day in Lukas’s room and while he may not have made a great deal of progress making it clean enough to satisfy her the bunk bed that I have always despised is finally in pieces in the garden waiting to be collected by the rubbish people. We are lucky that we are allowed any 3 large items at a time to be collected and disposed of free of charge, all we have to do is ring the council and arrange collection. The only problem is they are very vague when I phoned yesterday she said they might come and collect it today but it might be anywhere between 5-10 working days. It’s not my fault they are now going to have a very wet and soggy mattress and bed base to collect from the garden. The bed is one of the many things me and Mark have been bickering about lately. I want it gone so Lukas has more room to play in his room during the holidays, Mark thinks he should be made to sleep in his own room again. I don’t want him to feel pushed out by the baby coming, so I refuse to make him sleep in there. It’s one of those things we are never going to agree on because Mark is off the opinion that Lukas shouldn’t ever have been in here in the first place, but I think he has forgotten that for a long time Lukas slept in here with me in my bed because he wasn’t here. I have always hated to sleep on my own, I would be lying if I said I am not still a little scared of the dark so I understand why Lukas doesn’t want to sleep in his bedroom on his own. I can’t understand why it’s a big deal where he sleeps, I do get that we don’t really have room in here for all of our stuff and the stuff Lukas brings in but doesn’t put back. I guess I just think we should be working on making him put his toys back when he has finished with them instead of making him stay in his own room all the time. Mark is hardly ever here and I kind of like having Lukas around for company. The television being on cartoons all the time doesn’t even bother me. Mark seems to be of the opinion that the television and pretty much every other electrical item belongs to him. He thinks he should be able to watch what he wants all the time (usually sport), play the playstation whenever he wants, and play the laptop whenever he wants and when he doesn’t get his own way he throws a temper tantrum. He’s also never happy to settle for just one or the other, like he always wants the laptop and the sport at the same time, which annoys Lukas. He also seems to think if he wants to play the laptop and Lukas wants to play the laptop I should get off my desktop computer for Lukas to play that, but if I try and watch something on tv while he plays the laptop and Lukas has my computer he sulks or just plays his game so loud I can’t hear anything anyway eventually I get frustrated and turn it off. Mark will also cause rows about every little thing he is asked to do, even down to the simple things like putting his rubbish in the bin, or taking the washing downstairs. None of these things are new with Mark, but they have gotten a lot worse lately. I don’t just mean they are bothering me more because I feel ill, he’s done this every single time I have been pregnant, I talk to him and he ignores me, he doesn’t seem to want me to cuddle him or show him any affection and then he sulks and acts jealous because he’s not getting as much attention as Lukas. Usually it gets to a point like this, we fight he packs his bags and moves back to his mothers house. This is the first time he hasn’t had that option, when I told him a few weeks ago that I just couldn’t cope with it all anymore and I asked him to leave he said he had nowhere to go. I guess either he isn’t welcome at his dad’s with the new girlfriend and the lodger being there or maybe he just doesn’t feel like he is welcome. Obviously everything would be easier if we had our own place since we wouldn’t have Nan contributing to the arguments. I am not naive enough to think that moving out would solve all of our issues or that we would never fight it’s always been our nature to disagree. Hopefully once the baby is born we can pack our bags and go to Chessington for the weekend again, those few days away from it all seem to help enough. I guess I have rambled on enough for now, especially since Lukas is now back up here and I have to find something to amuse him for a little while, I kind of got sidetracked with this and haven’t done any of the things I was hoping to do while we was downstairs. Maybe I will be back later.

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