If you are not in the mood to read a bit of a ranting post please feel free to come back tomorrow when I might be in a bit of a better mood, tonight I am frustrated and I just need to vent before Mark gets home. You all know the problems I have living with Nan, her constant moaning, whinging and complaining are tiring to listen to and depressing, sometimes she makes life completely unbearable because her complaints are just endless. From the minute I get up in the morning until she finally goes to bed around now, I have 2 choices either stay in the cave I call my bedroom and only listen to her grumbling when I venture down the stairs for food or whatever or make the effort to be nice or sociable to her and have to put up with alternating between being ignored completely or listening to her moaning. This is all fairly normal I would probably even go as far as saying I am used to it, I tune out some of it and sometimes it gets to me but for the most part I have come to accept that it’s a part of living here. So you may wonder exactly what my problem is today, my problem essentially boils down to 3 things neither of which I can do anything about. The first problem is the endless competing, you know that the pregnancy is not exactly easy on me, I don’t really need to say anymore than that do I. Well if I happen to mention to her that I am not feeling well she interrupts and launches into a tirade about her. It’s got to the point where I am just tired of listening to the constant thing of her trying to outdo me, like its some sort of competition. I mean honestly who really wants to be the one who is the sickest anyway. She insists that she’s too ill to do this or that but then does it anyway. She doesn’t comprehend the concept of the word can’t. I frequently hear I can’t stand up or I can’t breathe, and I feel like saying well what do you call what you are doing now then. The argument then moves on to her saying things like “I have to do this to keep going”, again she doesn’t grasp the concept that there are a lot of things I physically can’t do, in her mind anyone can do anything if they try hard enough. The word I have used to describe her many times before is martyr I think she does a lot of things just so she can complain about doing them. It feels like she makes everything a competition, she wants to be the centre of attention and the “most ill” all the time, if you don’t make it all about her she sulks and basically acts like a three year old or she just rants on and on louder and louder until you either give up and say her problems are far worse or you walk away. Even on my most stupid days I don’t have enough of a death wish to mention the fact that most of her problems are self inflicted and she could easily fix them. I hear constantly about how ill she’s feeling, I also have to listen to her hypochondria and self diagnoses as she reads magazines or the leaflets that come with her medications and convinces herself that she has every single one of the side effects or problems listed. The second problem is that I have to hear all of her moaning about other people, Lisa and the kids have gone on holiday for two weeks. Pretty much since she booked the stupid thing I have had to hear about it. Lisa making a big deal because Malcolm will be away at the same time, Nan complaining about Lisa, Nan complaining about Lisa complaining about Malcolm. Then there’s the so called friends of Lisa’s who offer to do things for Nan and I have to listen to all of that to. Actually I am not even going to get started on that one today it’s a whole other blog post since no doubt if I start talking about Nan moaning about other people, I will end up having to talk about the builders and the housing association and everyone else Nan feels like complaining about. Then there’s the third thing, as I mentioned before, it’s currently very hot here. Everyone is fed up with the heat, everyone is hot and uncomfortable but yet only Nan is making a huge deal about it. She has put fans all around the house, and has spent the last few days whinging about it constantly. The other day she left her ceiling fan on in her room, with the door closed all day long and come 11pm ish when she went to bed the room was like an oven. I ended up having to drag all of her crap downstairs so she could sleep in the recliner chair. I offered to move the fan in the living room so it wouldn’t blow directly on her, she whinged and complained I ended up telling her to just do what she wanted. Then I got called all the way down the stairs to move the stupid thing because “It’s taking my breath away”. The following day I had to listen to her complaining that she got no sleep (bullshit because I could hear her snoring up here!) and it’s not long enough for her legs. Because she insists that it has to be in an almost seated position her feet come to the end of the leg rest, unless of course she’s telling you in which case her legs hang off the end completely. So that night we tried a different tact, I explained to her that putting her fan on just before she went to bed might help, leaving her windows open would help and not closing her bedroom door all day might help. She left the small window open but refused to open the big one, she left the door open a little bit but then insisted on closing it up when the guy from the builders came to inspect the crappy job on the bathroom (again for another post), so as you can guess since the day was hotter than the one before the room didn’t really feel much cooler. She did however listen to me and leave her bedroom door open a little last night. Only problem was that meant today I also had to listen to how the noise kept her awake and again I say bullshit because we could hear her snoring over our television because we turned it down so as not to disturb her. We tried yet another tact, put a fan on the landing, leave the door wide open and open the windows right up. Again she refused to open the large window all day, but she did leave the door open, and the fan on the landing has been on all day. But for some reason she only wanted her ceiling fan on half power tonight and she’s insisted on the door being left wide open tonight so I am almost certain to have yet more complaints tomorrow about the noise, especially since she also insisted on leaving the fan on the landing on all night. Tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter still and as much as I try and be understanding and patient with her but I honestly feel like I can’t cope anymore. I am fed up with the heat, I haven’t slept properly in over a week, the baby is making me uncomfortable and I tripped over a bottle Mark decided to leave in the doorway earlier and pulled something in my stomach and my back trying to stop myself falling down the stairs. I have reached the point where I can no longer cope with the pain, and paracetamol isn’t helping one little bit. I feel like I am desperately clinging on to my very last bit of sanity and right about now drinking or massive amounts of painkillers are holding a certain appeal. I am not quite ready to give in to either but I am not entirely sure how much longer I can hold on to that resolve. I really can’t see an end in sight and I don’t know what I can do anymore. I feel like I have nowhere to turn and that there is absolutely no-one who can help. Right now I would honestly be happy to settle for just some sleep, or 5 minutes of relief from either the pain or the heat. See I am not at all fussed about which one it is, I just can’t deal with everything going on and her.