actually that’s a lie, I have plenty of other things I should be doing I just can’t find the motivation to do them. I have a to-do list that is becoming more of a to-do book but between a poorly and very clingy little boy and some other things I just can’t seem to get started. Sometimes I think it’s because I just don’t know where to start, and indecision is the worst offender when it comes to things not getting done. This week I missed my first P365 photo. The problems were simple, I couldn’t find anything interesting to photograph, then when I found something to photograph I couldn’t find my phone, then I found the phone and the battery was almost flat so I started charging it and somehow between putting it on to charge and going to bed I forgot all about taking a photograph. I am not exactly thrilled that I slipped up so early in to the year. I have extra photos I can use, or maybe I will journal that there really wasn’t anything worth photographing that day I haven’t decided yet, are you seeing a pattern here yet lol. Logan has two very sore eyes today looks like he has an infection of some kind, I am cleaning them with boiled water and cotton wool like they told me to when he had it the same in hospital they have only needed doing once today so that’s good but if they are not better by Monday we may need to take a trip to the doctors. Lukas has been off school this week with ear problems again, he hasn’t had them for a while I was kind of hoping he might have grown out of them, but apparently not and I have never seen them this bad before. *sigh* since I have a good idea what the doctor will say I am trying to avoid taking him. Everyone thinks I am a bad mother for not taking him straight away, but I have taken him so many times for this problem. The advice is always the same to treat it and I have been doing everything they always tell me to do, but it doesn’t stop people passing judgement. If that hasn’t cleared up by Monday he will probably need to go as well. It’s not that I don’t want to take him because it doesn’t concern me it’s just that I feel so ill that I can’t find the energy to drag on the bus to the doctors to be told to do everything I am already doing. I don’t know maybe that does make me a bad mother, I love my boys but there is only so much I can do. I am caring for them to the very best of my abilities what more can I do. Sometimes I truly believe they would both be better off without me and they deserve a mummy who isn’t sick. The thing is the boys don’t seem to care. They are both perfectly content and they love me, even when I am sick and we have to spend the evening cuddling in bed, watching things on the laptop because I don’t have the energy to do anything else. One day I will wake up and realise that it only matters what my boys think of me, but that day is not today. Today I am tired of people passing judgement on me and my parenting. I just wish they would leave me to it and mind their own business.
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