Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Reality is a strange thing

it's the only thing in the world that has the power to warn you it's going to make you suffer, only you don't take the warning it offers seriously because you hope that the reality will change. It's like how you know that something is coming and you are given fair warning about it yet you still wake up one morning and it's managed to sneak up on you and make you think life sucks. The thing about reality is you have a lot of tools at your disposal that you use to try and convince yourself that things will change. Are you lost yet? Then let me give you an example, when you have an exam in three weeks time that you have to pass, three weeks is a long time right so there's no need to study today and you use that excuse for the next week or so. Time is on your side so there is no need to hurry, that's using the tool of procrastination. Then there's when the weather forcast says it's going to rain on the day of your wedding that's being held outside that tool there would be hope, you hope that the reality will change. Then there's the last one I want to talk about right now the one that only happens after procrastination and hope don't work anymore complete and utter denial when you simply refuse to believe the reality staring you in the face. Now you may be wondering why I am bringing this up tonight well my brother met a girl and they fell in love. Her family emigrated to New Zealand and they planned to follow once they had finished college and made arrangements. Well at first I have to admit we all had to attitude that we would believe it when we saw it. It was a long way off and things change. Well though their plans got delayed and they had some ups and downs they still planned to go through with it. Then we moved onto hoping that they might change their minds, maybe they would get bored of each other or he would realise he was moving to the other side of the world and think twice about his choice. Then when they got the money together and went for a visit there was the hope that maybe he wouldn't like it. But when he came back he was more enthusiastic about the move then he ever has been about anything. So it became obvious that denial was more than just a river in Egypt. I didn't want to believe he was really going. Don't get me wrong I wish him and his fiancee all the happiness in the world I really do and I would never ever try and stop him from leaving because I know that is what he wants. But to me even though here is only a few years age difference between us he will always be my baby brother. The one I used to defend at school, the one I worry about and want to protect. He also happens to be the only one who wants to have a relationship with me.It's really hard to know that's he's leaving and never coming back. There won't ever be a possibility of running into him again while I do my shopping or buying him alcohol to sneak into my mum's house lol. I am going to miss him and it makes me sad. In 3 short days he will be on a plane on the way to start his new life and because they gave up their flat and moved back in with my mum to save money I won't even get to tell him goodbye in person. I left him a facebook message telling him to be safe and just have to keep my fingers crossed that he sees it before he goes.

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