Sunday, June 10, 2012

Drawing A Line

I don't really know why I decided that today would be a good day to actually deal with all the spam posts on my blog, usually what happens is that I get an email notification telling me that there is a new comment on x post. I read whatever rubbish it is this time and then delete the email leaving Blogger to deal with it. But today I didn't I clicked on it to go and delete it myself. It wasn't a special comment just the usual spam. I found that Blogger has an entirely new interface, not quite sure if I like it or not. The photo in my header has Logan as a baby, he's 2.5 now and we have Leia whose nearly 8 months old. To see a post that is more than just a layout posted from Flickr you have to go all the way back to November 28th 2010, Leo's anniversary. So what changed? I used to post almost every day, sometimes more than once a day. I used to share everything, all the tiny details of our lives, my thoughts, my feelings, photos and anything else that I felt like sharing. I used to use it to help with the journalling on my layouts Did my life suddenly become too uninteresting to share, or did I suddenly decide to be worried about privacy?. In a word, no. It's not that simple. There are a lot of reasons I just stopped Blogging, Facebooking, Tweeting. Time was one for a while but I would be lying if I said that was really ever a true reason. If I really want to do something I find the time to do it. Change was another issue, so much has happened it was hard knowing where to start again. It became impossible to recap what had happened since I last posted so I just didn't bother. Mostly it just comes down to the fact that I was just too uninterested in life to care. I get up each day and I just go through the motions until the day is over and then repeat the process over and over again. On the rare occasions I felt the urge to blog something I started writing a post and either couldn't find the words I needed or just got distracted by other stuff and ended up closing it and deciding to "deal with it later". But I am tired of putting everything off and hoping that one day I will wake up and feel better, that one day there will magically be no pain or desire to die. This is my life and it sucks but so what, it's still mine. This is me drawing a line under it all and saying I want to start again, I need this blog (if for no other reason than simply because my journalling on my layouts sucks when I have to rely on me to remember all the details lol). So there will be no recap post, no apologising for not blogging, I am just starting fresh from here and the first order of business is to redecorate so you can at least see all 3 of my little monkeys up top. It might take a little while for me to decide how I want the finished item to look so don't expect it to be finished today or anything. The second is to try and post more often of some of the real life "stuff" even if it's literally a post of funny stuff the kids have said, a cute photo of one of the them, or just some random fact once a week, maybe I will actually use that blogging app I installed on my phone when I first got it lol. I think I might start including some CT promotion posts as well, because being part of a creative team is an important part of my life too. I am not entirely sure what I want this blog to be right now, just that I want it to be mine again, and more than just a collection of layouts and credits one after the other.

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