Saturday, January 03, 2009

Not such a happy new year

If you had told me at Christmas that come January the 2nd I would have been spending almost the whole day at mym mum's house I would have laughed, told you that you were nuts and then wondered off to hunt down that phone number for the local funny farm. If you had told me that there would ever come a point in my life where I actually felt something other than dislie at best towards my mother I would have thought you were definately a not the sharpest knife in the drawer and you would definately way on your way to crazy town. Yet stuff has a way of making you do things you didn't ever think you would do, say words you didn't ever think you would say and think things you never thought you would say. A simple thing like a phone call can change everything. When Nan called me this morning (yes we live in the same house and she calls me what's your point? lol) at first I thought she was joking when she said that my mum had phoned her and my stepdad Karl had left her. Infact I would even go as far as admitting that at that point my thoughts were who could blame him and how did he put up with her for so long. See I didn't know the full facts at that point and my feelings towards my mum clouded my judgement. But the first thing I said was what can I do to help. I was worried that Nan said the kids were crying and upset I wanted to help them not my mum. So I got dressed and I dressed Lukas and we walked down there. After hearing the full story and giving the kids lots of hugs and affection I changed my mind. What he did was completely unforgiveable. He left in the middle of the night, packed clothes and other stuff. Never took a photograph of the kids with him, or the gifts with daddy on them he received for christmnas. He didn't leave them a note, or an explanation of any kind. Then later when Gavin got there he called a friend of theirs to see if she knew anything my mum was scared incase he has decided to run off with the friend so she couldn't do it. Then everything kind of got worse, not only had he not run off with this friend, he had borrowed £100 in cash from this person. After I came home (I couldn't stand the smoking and noise anymore and I had to make Lukas's dinner) then it got even worse. Gavin decided to look on his facebook and email accounts to see if he had left any clue about his plans there. He wasn't really expecting to find very public intentions for an affair with some woman my stepdad has met online 3 weeks ago. Very graphic details that were in a place where my brothers and sisters could have seen them without going looking for them. Right now I feel sorry for my mum. I think he is the lowest form of human life. What man would leave his 7 kids including one who is disabled and only recently had major surgery to follow his cock? They deserved better than that even if it was only an insincere note saying he was leaving. He's an asshole and he doesn't deserve to be part of their life right now I hope he gets some awful disease from his stupid online whore and suffers horribly. He should be glad he has gone all the way to the other end of the country because I think that if he was close enough my mum or Gavin might tear him limb from limb. It's not even like he has run off on a spur of the moment thing to leave the way he did must have taken a lot more than 3 weeks planning. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormomes or what but I ended up bursting into tears earlier and begging Mark never to do the same. Usually if we discuss him leaving with another woman he gets something more like go right ahead but you will be leaving with all the useful parts in a doggy bag. I can't believe that today I was a snot filled tearstained wreck begging him to please never ever do anything like that. Takara Bean you are messing with my head baby lol. I'm not all needy and emotional infact I am a little bit more like my mum than I thought she was more angry that he had done it than hurt by his actions. I take comfort from the fact that one day he is going to wake up either with this tart, some other one or probably by himself a lonely old man and he is going to wish he hadn't done this. He's going to miss those kids and be full of regret. All I can say to that is good I hope it really hurts, and he cries just like they did today.

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