Sunday, February 01, 2009

Where to start?

I wish I had the time to sit here and type a long blog post, full of rubbish about how well the pregnancy is going, and how well I am feeling etc but I don't tell lies on my blog. This pregnancy is just like the previous 4 lol it sucks! I am missing my computer and my internet friends, I am missing the forums and the chatter but more than anything else I am missing the scrapping. I need the creative outlet that it gives me, I hate letting my CT's down and to be honest scrapping just makes me happy. I have been lucky yesterday and some of today that I felt a little better, enough to sit on the bed with the laptop for a little while. Caught up on some emails and cleared some blogs but no scrapping. I did manage to do a tiny but of scrapping yesterday on the desktop and I paid for it by being up nearly all of last night in pain lol. *sigh* I'm sorry I know this is a very whingy post and this pregnancy is a huge blessing (or at least the end result will be) but for now I am feeling very depressed and miserable, I am missing my life and my routine. I get kind of grumpy when I can't do anything. Mark has been out all day and today just seems to have been a bad day. I have been on a bit of a short fuse all day to be honest, when we were making dinner I couldn't open the box of stock cubes and ended up launching them across the kitchen, maybe that tells you how fed up I am. *sigh* I haven't ever liked February much we have the first anniversary of Mark's mum dying this week. There are appointments that need to be attended for both me and Mark. Lukas looks like he may be coming down with something, he's been very quiet and spent the whole day alternating between playing the computer and being curled up under the duvet in my bed with me. This month we also have Valentines Day, Gaiebraille's anniversary, Mark's mum and dad's wedding anniversary (although redundant I still feel it deserves mentioning) and various other things. All I really want is to feel more like myself so I can start clearing some of the backlog I am really tired of feeling sick, being in pain and having no energy all the time. I suppose it really all comes down to, is the simple fact that although I think the baby is totally worth anything I have to go through I was kind of hoping all the pregnancy crap would come a little later. It would be nice to have a real bump to go along with all the problems at least then people wouldn't just assume that it was all laziness, although then I suppose I would get what I usually do which is people saying I am "putting it all on for attention" because they don't believe pregnancy could cause all of these issues. Sometimes I just wish I could be pregnant like a normal person instead of all of the complications and illness. I am going to stop whinging now it really is time to get off the laptop, at least there is a film on the tv I want to watch, they are showing the St Trinian's film tonight and I am going to watch it with Mark and my duvet lol. Hopefully next time I manage to get on here I will be feeling a bit more myself or at least not such a miserable cow.

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