Who needs to type

I can just write my blog post in all the dust on here lol. It’s been almost a month since my last post sorry about that. Tomorrow I have plans to set aside some time to write a proper blog post and maybe even redecorate a little bit. But right now I have to run the boys are asleep and me and Mark are settling down to watch Bones.

Big project and quick catchup

Incase you are wondering where I have been, I am working on a huge project, I had a lot of free photo prints, so I decided to work on a brag book for Lukas about our 5 trips to Legoland this year. I started with finding all of my 5x7 templates. Then I moved onto choosing photos for each of them and writing all of the journaling to go with the photos. I saved all of the layouts in a folder called Brag Book and then started working my way through them adding the papers and embellishments. The goal is to have 100 pages in the end so I use up all of my free prints. I have 80 pages that are photos/journaling in templates and so far I have 20 I think that are completed fully. I have even roped Mark into helping me to get the pages done. Some of them only call for a paper or two, but some of them need a little more thought. As you can imagine it’s taking a lot of time, mostly because I need to search for everything I want to use. It’s times like this I really miss the organised system I had before the hard drive went wrong. I was nowhere near having everything tagged or relabelled but it was a lot better than the chaos I have now. I have been trying to apply the FLYlady principle to the scrapping too, 15 minutes at a time. I plan other pages while I am searching or step away from the desk and work on some tidying up in the bedroom. For the most part I am enjoying it, sometimes 15 minutes isn’t really long enough so I reset the timer and give myself another 15 minutes. I know it’s not really following the rules, but at least I am starting to get a better grasp of the time things take and a tiny baby step in starting to manage my time rather than wasting hours on end. It’s been really helpful for forums and blog reader as well, those are the main things I seem to waste a lot of time on. Me and Logan had our appointments on Monday (my post-natal and his 6-8 weeks check). The doctor we saw was really nice, he examined Logan thoroughly and said he couldn’t hear a heart murmur. We are just going to carry on watching him closely to make sure there isn’t a problem but he was very happy with him. I came home with a depression questionnaire to fill out and I have to make a double appointment and go back. Tuesday the lady from Peeps came to drop off some books for Logan and leave some information about groups in the local area. I don’t think I will end up going to the groups but it’s nice that she came around. Logan has great timing, just as she showed up at the door he threw up all over my bed. Somehow I managed to get the bed cleaned up and the baby changed in just a few minutes. Anyway I have more to say but Logan has just woken up and I have a lot of stuff to get done, before I finally get some sleep. I was awake all night last night with really bad earache. It’s been there for over a week now and keeps getting worse, on top of everything else it’s really starting to take it’s toll. Lukas has been off school ill all week and Logan seems to have a little cold, he’s got a runny nose but apart from that he’s fine. I never had him weighed this week but hopefully we will be able to go and do that on Tuesday. Really have to run now as Logan has decided he wants my immediate attention right this second and is starting to moan. I want to sort him out before it turns into a full blown screaming session. He doesn’t really do patience lol.

Logan didn’t get his injections

The doctor from the Vaccine Study came today, she had called me and asked if she could come earlier than originally planned I said fine. I rushed around and managed to get everything sorted before she arrived. After explaining all of the details about the study she asked if she could examine Logan while I signed the consent form. While she was examining him she came across a problem, she found that he has a heart murmur she called and spoke to someone more senior and they said she needs to speak to someone else. I need to go and get Logan checked by the GP and she will get back to me about whether this excludes Logan from participating or not. We already had an appointment made for Monday so we will just have to see what they say then. It could be nothing but that doesn’t stop me being scared and a tiny part of me wishing it was already Monday. Lukas has been home today he’s building Lego and Mark has gone to get takeaway for dinner, KFC for us and Macdonalds for Lukas and Logan is asleep on my lap. I am still sick and haven’t gotten much done today except for unpacking my order from Boots, more milk, nappies and wipes for Logan. Nan asked me why I was stockpiling it I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he will have drunk everything I ordered in about 3 weeks maybe sooner, told you he was a little piglet. Anyway Logan has just woken up so I better run.

So my twittering on Sunday

didn’t really go to plan something went wrong with my phone and it stored all of my twitters in my outbox and didn’t send them. But that’s ok because I can just take them off my phone and use them as notes for blogging instead, that’s all the twitters were going to be in the first place. I don’t really feel up to writing about the Legoland trip tonight though sorry. My new office chair came this morning, it’s nice to have one that’s not broken anymore. This one has a lower back and even though the actual seat is wider it feels more snug on my hips and bum because of the way the handles sit. It was a very reasonable price from staples online and i’m sure I will get used to it in a few days. Logan is having his first set of immunisations tomorrow and I am quite nervous about it. I think I mentioned he is having them done as part of a vaccination study so they are coming to the house to do them. I’m sure I have other stuff to talk about but my brain is mush tonight, I will try and pop back tomorrow but i’m not promising anything since I am not sure what Logan is going to be like after his injections.

It’s so good to have him home!

I had very good intentions of blogging yesterday but despite being up all night I never found the time lol. When I went to pick Lukas up from school, the two teachers came over to speak to me. They said he’d had a great time and really enjoyed himself but he did have a little accident on the last night so his sleeping bag needed washing. He chattered all the way home telling me what he had been doing and about various other things. When we got home I sorted all of his bag out and was surprised to see that his clothes weren’t that bad and he hadn’t even used his wellies. The only negative thing was that no-one had given him his allergy medicine or sent it home and he was covered in the nasty rash he gets from the grass. Didn’t seem to bother him much though. I was so glad to have him home I didn’t even get any photos of him, which is funny really since I thought he must be filthy from the colour of him, but he’s actually caught the sun quite a bit. He says he missed everyone and that even though he had a good time, he doesn’t want to go again and he’s glad to be home lol. Yesterday was Nan’s birthday and after picking Lukas up from school we all went out for a meal with Lisa, Gary, Conor and Ella and Lisa’s friend Heidi and her son Hayden. It was really nice to get out of the house for a while the food was lovely and we all had a great time chatting. Logan was really good and the other 4 spent most of their time playing in the outside play area. So all in all it was a nice day. Today has been a bit chaotic as Mark got called into work earlier than we expected. Lukas has spent most of the day watching television since he missed it while he was away lol. I haven’t really got much done apart from a few things for Nan and tomorrow we are off to Legoland and taking Ella with us. I really like the weekend it’s nice to have Lukas home and to not have to go anywhere or do anything. Right now Logan is asleep and I have a few things I want to get done before he wakes up again so I am going to love you and leave you. Hopefully I will be back on Monday to blog about our trip to Legoland, I am going to try and twitter while we are there to help myself keep track of everything we have done, much better than relying on my memory lol.

It’s been a busy day today

Me and Logan went to baby clinic so he could be weighed and then we took Nan to her hospital appointment. We did some shopping while we were there and bought Logan two new outfits. I wasn’t exactly thrilled when I went to pay for everything on my card and it was declined, no doubt that will be tonight’s argument between me and Mark. I had enough cash on me to pay for everything but it’s not the point, I am really getting fed up how much money he withdraws from my bank account without telling me. I don’t object to him withdrawing money it’s the not telling me part that drives me insane. Then when we got home I tried to stay busy. I was alright while we were out because it was just like Lukas being at school, I found the timer function on my phone and have been setting it for 15 minutes at a time and working on a few things. The first 15 minutes I worked on the rubbish and clutter on and around my desk, it’s the biggest hot spot in our room since everyone dumps everything on it no matter how many times I shout at them about it. I am always quite surprised by how much junk I take off it every time I clean it up. Then I spent 15 minutes doing computer stuff, deleting duplicate files and old scrapbooking stuff. I am trying to reorganise all the files but I need to make enough space first so I am working on purging a lot of the junk from my scrapbooking stash. Next I worked on the pile of clothes, folding them and sorting them into piles. The next task I attempted was putting things back into their proper places including the clothes. I was quite pleased because I managed to get all Lukas’s clothes put back in their drawers and even some of ours put away, but I really need to take everything out and restack all of them so more clothes can be put away. I have a pile of stuff for charity and a pile of stuff that I need to find hangers for but it does look better already in here. Then I had another 15 minutes of computer organising and managed a brief online chat with Amy before Logan woke up. He got fed and changed and we cuddled for a while, then I spent some time with Nan before we came upstairs. Logan was a bit miserable so I was giving him some gripe water when he decided to lunge forward on the syringe, which made me squirt it into the back of his throat, he gagged on it and promptly threw up lol. He wasn’t very happy that I had to put him down so I could clean it all up, luckily it’s only milk since I can’t do sick it makes me gag lol. After everything was cleaned up I got Logan undressed for bed and we had some more cuddles and he fell asleep in my arms before I put him in his swing. I think he has spent more time in the swing today than he has any other day since we bought it. He had his nap in it earlier (over an hour) and he sat in it for a while and now he’s sleeping in it as far as I am concerned that’s major progress lol. Speaking of progress he’s getting on great he was 8lb 12.5oz when they weighed him today and he’s all set for when they come to do his first vaccinations on Wednesday. Today was also the first time that he has cried it out, he was moaning to be picked up and I was in the middle of something so I left him to cry for a while. He got bored of crying and went back to sleep. Leaving him to cry it out is not really my style, but it might come in handy if he ever has another meltdown like he did on the bus, when we went to his hospital appointment. I have only seen Mark for a few minutes today since he went out to do washing and got back just as I was leaving. He will be home from work in a little while, tomorrow I am hoping he will be in all day, so we can get a few things done before Lukas comes home. I have really missed having the little guy around the whole house just seems so quiet without him and I don’t like it one little bit. I do hope he’s had a nice time though, missing him is a good thing really since it makes me appreciate how much I love having him in my life. Anyway I suppose I should get back to some more organising before Logan wakes up, but I will leave you with a picture of Lukas just before he left for school yesterday with all of his gear. Just excuse the red eyes since it is straight out of the camera, I haven’t got around to fixing it yet. You can click on it for a bigger view since I posted it in Windows Live Writer instead of how I do layouts.

Wonder what he’s doing now?

I know you are sat there wondering what on earth I am talking about don’t worry it will all become clear in a minute. I just need a few moments to gather my thoughts and type up some background so it makes a little more sense. The first day Lukas went back to school he came home with the usual pile of letters, what they are learning about this term, reminders about homework, permission letter for swimming, welcome back letter, welcome to year 3 letter etc. One of the letters mentioned a residential trip 3 days and 2 nights. When Lukas saw it he was adamant he didn’t want to go. They sent home a few other letters about the trip and then Friday morning the school rang and asked if he was going, we said no he doesn’t want to. They sent a kit list home anyway and between Friday and Monday he changed his mind backward and forward, one minute he wanted to go the next there was nothing he wanted less. We had tears, we had begging, we had pleading and even a few tantrums. Monday morning we received a phone call from the school saying Lukas had changed his mind and now wanted to go again. We dragged into school to discuss it with his teacher and ended up talking the LSA. They had only told Lukas all of the positives about the trip over and over again. He seemed to think the trip was going to be something like a stay in a hotel, which is so far from the truth it’s not funny. I know him and I also know that the trip is nothing like he thinks it is. I’ll be honest I didn’t want him to go, but I always make it a point to give him all the facts about everything and let him make his own decision. So I promised I would get everything ready and then let him decide what he wanted to do. Monday night he decided that he absolutely didn’t want to go. Tuesday morning between here and school something was said by Mark, don’t ask me what because I don’t know but Lukas apparently decided he wanted to go. So Mark not thinking straight as usual went ahead and signed the permission form and the medical form. Now as much as I love him, we have rules about him signing anything to do with the boys, because even though he lives with them and we have been over this hundreds of times he doesn’t know any of the important information about them. So a medical form he signs isn’t really worth the paper it’s written on since he knows nothing about medications or allergies or anything else that’s medically important. To say I was not happy was an understatement. I was left with under a day to find everything on the list and pack it all ready for the trip. To make things more fun he was working a different shift so I had to collect Lukas from school and organise everything for a trip I didn’t even want him to go on but that’s a story for another time. Last night after everything was packed Lukas changed his mind again and didn’t want to go. I was fine with that decision even after everything but Mark decided to do something really stupid and tell Lukas that he had no choice and he had to go now whether he wanted to or not. You can imagine the argument that caused can’t you. Anyway come this morning when we all got up and took Lukas to school, I was more than ready to bring him home with me if he didn’t want to get on the coach. Only because Mark decided it was more important, to sit watching TV and packing washing for his dad’s instead of helping me get the boys ready, we were late. Me and Mark argued the whole way to school and we never really got to ask him what he wanted. When we got there Lukas got rushed up to his classroom to be registered and I didn’t even get to kiss him goodbye. I made Mark stay with me so we could wave him off on the coach, only there was a slight delay so we ended up sitting in the cafe and having a drink. When the coach finally got there and they had everything loaded onto it the kids came out. I managed to see Lukas and he looked nervous and excited, terrified and happy all at the same time. We saw him on the coach and I blew him kisses. For the first time ever he was embarrassed by the attention and refused to look at me, I know he’s growing up but he’s still my baby and I kind of thought I had a little bit longer to be able to love him in public, well I don’t play fair so I got my secret weapon of his pushchair and made him wave to Lukas. Lukas couldn’t help but look at me, he also couldn’t help announcing to the whole coach that was his baby brother over there. He even gave me a big smile and blew me a kiss back and then he was off. Logan also managed to serve as a great way to not let Lukas see the tears in my eyes. I cried on the way home too, it’s just so hard to accept that my little baby is growing up so fast. This is the first time he has ever spent a night away from me, and it’s not even just one night. I am really going to miss him, I want him to have fun and enjoy himself, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there is a part of me who hopes he has a good enough time to enjoy himself but not a good enough time that he would want to do it again anytime soon. I really don’t know what I would do with myself if I didn’t have Logan here to look after. Speaking of the little monkey, I really need to run now because he’s woken up and wants my undivided attention NOW lol. I also have to make some more bottles because someone is a very hungry little piglet today and they are nearly all gone!

Crossing off something is better than crossing off nothing

My to-do list is starting to look more like a novel than a manageable list of things to accomplish, and it’s easy to look at it feel overwhelmed and then do none of it, once you add into the equation that I am very sick at the moment it becomes easier and easier to see why nothing ever seems to get done. Mark has gone to do some shopping and the boys are amusing themselves (Lukas is playing Lego and Logan is asleep) so I decided to remove blogging from my list. The problem with blogging though is it becomes a to-do list in it’s own right. I tell myself that I have to blog about this or that and it needs to be in some logical order and then I get behind and I feel like I can never catch up. Then as I get more and more things on my list that are waiting to be blogged about nothing ends up actually being blogged. A while back I started a twitter account thinking that making short notes via that might help me when it came to making real blog posts but unfortunately I don’t seem to bother with that either. But I am going to start trying to change that. Yesterday I signed up for the FLYlady system again my logic is slightly insane though, she says that you should spend no more than 15 minutes doing things. I have always struggled with that because time kind of gets away from me. I thought that being this sick would mean I wouldn’t be physically able to spend more than 15 minutes doing something without a break and I would have to follow the rules. Hopefully by the time I am feeling better it will be on it’s way to becoming a habit. I also thought that it might be a smart idea to not only read her advice myself but to make Mark read it too. He doesn’t have a great attention span so spending no longer than 15 minutes on something might actually motivate him to start something in the first place lol. Anyway I better run I have some things I want to get done before Mark gets home, like spending 15 minutes organising some digital files and deleting some of the digital clutter on my hard drives.

Wow, can someone explain

why the more I apologise about being a bad blogger the worse of a blogger I seem to become? I guess blogging is one of those things I always mean to do but never find the time to actually get done, there are other things I would rather do, like um sleep lol. It’s also one of those things that seems to hard to get done while you are holding the baby and trying to type with one hand. It takes so much longer to type one handed that I just see how many other things I could have gotten done in the time it takes to write one blog post and decide not to bother. But the truth is I miss blogging, I miss having a record of the things we have done or the things Lukas has said. So I have decided that I need to try harder to find a way to blog, but not tonight lol. Tonight I need to take advantage of the fact that Logan is fast asleep, somewhere other than my arms and finish up some bits on the computer before heading to my bed, ideally before he wakes up and decides he needs to be held, changed or fed again.

This is becoming a bit of a routine

Lukas is amusing himself with some colouring sheets, Logan is sleeping beside me in his bed, Mark is at work and Nan is out, so I am sitting here getting some stuff sorted out on my computer now that I can actually see the entire top of my desk again lol. Since I have just made something to eat I am going to sit here and blog while I eat it, multitasking is fun lol. I now have 2 different to-do lists one is things that I need to do while Logan is asleep and the other is things I can do while I am holding him I find it amusing that a lot of the things are interchangeable between the lists depending on the day and how I am feeling. I suppose I really should write about Lukas’s birthday while I am here since if I leave it much longer I won’t remember any of it. On the Saturday before his birthday Mark went and picked up his birthday presents, we decided to get him some games for his DS and since they were on offer in Argos he ended up with 6 from us and 2 from Nan. She bought Wall-E and Ben 10 Alien Force and we picked up Bob The Builder Festival Fun, Postman Pat Special Delivery Service, Bolt and Herbie Rescue Rally, then he got Go Diego Go Dinosaur Rescue from Lisa. I’m a naughty mummy because when he saw them and asked if he could have one, I said yes, then we spent the whole day with him trading me one for another one. He ended up opening all of them and having a play during the day, I explained that if he had them now he wouldn’t have anything for his birthday and he was good with that, what can I say he is definitely my boy, patience is not a virtue we are blessed with both of us prefer instant gratification which I suppose is one of my biggest reasons for loving digi scrapping so much lol. We did tell him that was all we were getting him but then the day before his birthday we decided that we were going to replace his portable dvd player which hasn’t been working for a while with a new one. We reserved it and didn’t were able to reserve one to collect on his birthday, he knew nothing about it so it was going to be a complete surprise. On his birthday we got up and had some cuddles in my bed before he went and opened his cards and presents. Nan had wrapped up his games and he had a little bag from Lisa with his game and a few other bits in. He really enjoyed looking at all of his birthday cards especially the one Nan wrote out from his toy dogs lol. I think his favourite card was one Nan got him but that might have had something to do with the 7 pounds coins she had stuck inside it lol. Then he had his usual strawberry milkshake and sat and played with his new games while I had a bath and got ready for my hospital appointment. I decided that we needed to pay a quick visit to Cowley Centre first so I could buy him a birthday badge to wear. He got 2 badge in the end I think because we couldn’t decide on one. We did end up picking up a few other things while we were there including some more styluses for his DS, a new case for his DS and a little storage container for his DS games from the Game shop. He got a mug with Best 7 Year Old In The World on it and a little trophy and a new teddy bear. He also made me buy a new teddy bear for Logan and to be honest I can’t even remember what else we bought lol. Then he decided that he wanted an iced bun, why I have no idea since he doesn’t even like icing but since it was his birthday we walked all the way down to the bakery to buy him one. We also bought him one of his favourite sausage rolls and some stuff for me and Mark to eat. While we were in there I spotted an iced bun with cream in the centre that strangely looked very appealing to me, it’s strange because I can’t stand icing at all. I guess it’s another example of pregnancy making me weird because I sent Mark back for another one and Lukas decided that while he was going he had a request as well. He wanted a pack of rolls, I told him they would be dry and they wouldn’t have fillings and he said “good, I want them naked”. I couldn’t help but laugh at him but he seemed to enjoy sitting on the bench eating his naked rolls lol. We were running a little late by then and had to rush to catch the bus. We ended up getting stuck in the road works in the city centre but we were still only 5 minutes late for my appointment. When we got there we handed in my notes and settled down for a long wait. Lukas was happy to play his DS and play with his new teddy. They called me for the usual urine sample, blood pressure check etc. They needed to send the sample off again not really surprising since I hadn’t started taking the antibiotics for the infection we already knew I had. Then we went in for the scan my consultant wasn’t in that day so one of the other doctors did it. She was concerned that the baby still wasn’t growing and that there were reduced levels of amniotic fluid. Since the baby hadn’t been moving as much she wanted me to go and have a CTG test while she went to see about moving up the induction. It took a while for them to get the CTG started as Logan didn’t feel like cooperating and they struggled to find his heartbeat. While I laid on the bed having that done Lukas had a great time drawing and colouring he was being such a little angel. I couldn’t help but feel sad this was how he was spending his birthday but he honestly didn’t seem to care. In the middle of the CTG the doctor came and told us that she had arranged for the induction to be moved up a week to Thursday. When the CTG was finally done, we just had to wait for them to take some bloods and give us all of the induction information. We were starting to get a little worried we wouldn’t make it to the store to pick up his dvd player before they closed, it also meant we were not going to be able to pick up his birthday cake. So we decided that we would go all the way down to Botley road and get one there so we could pay a quick visit to Toys R Us at the same time and then go to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. Lukas had no clue where we were going so he was all excited. When we went in Argos I kept Lukas busy while Mark went and paid for the dvd player. Lukas wanted to see what was in the bag but we made him wait until we got to McDonalds. We sat at the table and sorted out all of the bags of shopping so they were easier to carry while Mark ordered the food. I had to send mine back because they added tomatoes to it but they were really nice about redoing it. Lukas really enjoyed it and said it had been a great birthday then we shared an ice cream before heading home. You already know about what happened on the bus on the way home so I think as far as Lukas’s birthday goes that’s everything. Once we got home he got undressed and watched a dvd on his new dvd player and then went to sleep. He says it was a great birthday and when I asked him why he thinks that he said “because you and daddy were there to celebrate with me” how sweet is that. Anyway this post has taken a lot longer to write than I expected it too because I have had to stop so many times. First I had to make Lukas dinner then Logan wanted feeding, then Logan wanted changing, then we went to the shop to get electric for Nan we followed that up with a trip to the park and since then I have pretty much just been trying to get stuff done in between Logan screaming to be held, Logan screaming to be fed, Logan screaming because I am changing him or Logan screaming for some other reason. Lukas is very chatty today as well, so Mark has just got in I am tired out, have a headache and I am bleeding pretty heavy again so I am off to bed. Tomorrow we are off to Bicester village on the train to look for school shoes for Lukas, to be perfectly honest its a practice run for Monday when we are off to Chessington. This is the first time we have really gone anywhere with Logan that requires some planning, like how much milk to pack and how easy it is on public transport with the carseat. Wish me luck I am sure we are going to need it!

I missed this

Lukas is downstairs playing and Logan is sleeping next to me, Nan is cooking something in the kitchen and Mark is at work. Since I am too stiff to do much of anything at the moment I am taking advantage of using the keyboard to loosen up my hands and fingers a little and getting some computer stuff done, while I listen to some music on Itunes. The first night Logan came home I insisted on his bed being at the bottom of ours, I slept the opposite end to where I normally sleep and spent a very uncomfortable night mostly watching him sleep and prodding him to make sure he was ok lol. Then I decided that being the usual end of the bed wouldn’t hurt him, he’s got a great pair of lungs on him there’s no doubt we would hear him cry if he needed anything, but we left his bed at the bottom of ours. The 3rd night he was home was when I was really feeling ill and Mark offered to get up with him so I could sleep, I took a couple of painkillers and managed to get a few hours sleep. Pretty much since then we have shared the night shift with him, either I stay awake to feed him the 1:30am feed and then Mark does his 3/3:30am feed and goes down and gets his 7/7:30am feed for me to feed him, or I go to bed and Mark does the 1:30am feed and I get up for the 3:30am one. Well the problems with him being at the bottom of our bed are that it meant we had to move my desk chair for it to fit in which made using the computer hard, getting stuff out of the cupboard impossible and gave us even less floor space then we had before. It also meant that every time Lukas climbed onto our bed he was using Logan’s bed for support which is not something I want him to do at all. Yesterday we decided to move Logan’s bed back to the space it was supposed to go in and put the chair back at the desk, it’s nice to be able to use the desk properly again, or it will be once I get it back to looking the way it’s supposed to look. Since I wasn’t using it a lot of things have made it into their temporary home and right now it’s a bit of a disaster zone. I suppose while I am here I may as well give you some quick updates on the boys. The health visitor came for her 2nd visit yesterday and weighed Logan, he’s gained 1lb in a week he was 4lb 15oz and now he’s 5lb 15oz. He’s drinking somewhere between 8-12 bottles a day so he’s keeping me plenty busy between feeding and changing him. Logan’s a great sleeper and only wake up for his feeds overnight and then goes straight back to sleep. He’s catching on fast that crying when you put him in the swing or carseat means someone comes running to see what’s wrong and more times than not picks him up to soothe him. He’s starting to pay more attention when you chat to him and he really seems to enjoy music especially his bear. Mark seems to really be enjoying him and as soon as he walks in from work he is eager to take him for a cuddle. Lukas loves having him home and is always asking to hold him when he’s not busy fussing over him or chatting to him. He’s getting excited about going back to school next week but only because he can’t wait to show Logan to his friends. He’s not all that thrilled about his new school uniform and he hasn’t even seen the tie he has to wear yet because we can’t pick up that or his school sweatshirt until September 1st. We went out the other day (Tuesday I think) for a walk with Logan, we ended up sitting in the park for a little while. It was nice and peaceful and Lukas had a great time playing while Logan couldn’t really have cared less where we were he opted for sleeping the whole time lol. On Sunday we gave Logan his first bath which he seemed to enjoy, well apart from the getting out part that made him scream! Anyway Logan has just woke up and I think my nappy changing skills are required again, I will try and pop back later and write that post about Lukas’s Birthday. Mark will be home in about 4 hours so hopefully while he’s cuddling Logan and watching rubbish with Lukas I can get that done.

Taking a break

from talking about Logan’s Birth and what followed today, because I have something else I want to talk about. Or I suppose it would be more accurate to say someone else I want to talk about. Yesterday was his birthday and if he had still been here there’s no doubt that the day would have been filled with all the usual stuff 5 year olds love, cake and presents and more than likely a trip to McDonalds for a happy meal. But he’s not here and while usually I make the effort to celebrate his birthday yesterday I just couldn’t do it. Partially because I was feeling too ill to do much of anything yesterday, but mostly because this one was the hardest birthday so far. I’ve been missing him a lot lately, thinking about what he would be doing now and asking myself a lot of questions that can’t ever be answered. Some days oh ok most days I miss Leo so much it hurts and as much as I love Logan, I feel as if there’s something missing between me and him. I haven’t got a clue what that something might be so I don’t know how to fix it. I guess it doesn’t help that Logan looks so much like Leo, sometimes it’s a certain expression or way he moves it’s kind of like looking at a ghost and for a split second I want to push him away in case he’s going to hurt me the same way that Leo did, usually I just end up holding him closer to me and letting the tears flow. It’s sort of become a bit of a tradition for us to light a candle and sing Happy Birthday to Leo, only yesterday we didn’t. There was a part of me that just felt like it was wrong to sing Happy Birthday to Leo while I was holding Logan, Lukas never mentioned it so I didn’t want to bring it up in front of him incase I upset him and Mark hasn’t ever really seemed all that interested in singing to Leo, last year me and Lukas did it by ourselves in the back garden. What I didn’t tell Mark was that I still felt the need to do it, so I locked myself in the bathroom for a while and just chatted to Leo and sung Happy Birthday to him, I didn’t light a candle because I didn’t feel the need to. I often talk to him when I am in the bathroom by myself maybe because that’s where it all happened, or maybe because it’s just the only room I can lock other people out of for a few moments peace and quiet. I also sat and chatted to Logan for a while about Leo, I’m determined that even though Logan will never get to have the pleasure of knowing Leo personally he will now all about him. Leo will never ever be forgotten about in this house, every birthday and anniversary from now until the day I die will be remembered in some way, shape or form. Usually I try and make a scrapbook page about him or for him on his birthday I didn’t do that this year either, in fact I haven’t scrapped a single layout this month and that makes me a little sad too. The scrapping helps with the depression and when I don’t scrap I seem to spend more time crying and expressing my emotions in ways that are a lot less productive. I’m hoping that improves once Lukas goes back to school and I can spend a little time each day scrapping while Mark holds Logan or he’s sleeping in his little bed. I hate to admit this but I do feel a little better that both Lukas and Leo’s birthday’s didn’t really get celebrated this year, it makes them a little more equal. We will do something really special for both of them as soon as I feel a little bit better, fingers crossed before the end of the month. We are hoping to be able to take Lukas to either Chessington or Legoland this weekend, but we don’t have any definite plans yet. On Sunday night we did have a little celebration for Lukas, we bought a cake and put candles on it and then sung Happy Unbirthday to him. He had a great time blowing out the candles and eating chocolate cake. It’s the little things that make him happy. That reminds me I still haven’t wrote about Lukas’s birthday on here, I will add it to my to-do list and get it done as soon as I am sat at the computer long enough to type it up. Anyway I better run now since Logan is sleeping and Lukas is busy watching cartoons now is the perfect time to catch up on a few things before Mark gets home from work.

Sorry for the delay

Fingers crossed we should get to exactly why there has been a delay with this post. When I last wrote I had gotten through Logan’s actual delivery and when we got to the hospital. You would be forgiven for thinking he’s a baby how much more can there really be to the story. But you would also be forgetting one thing, he’s one of my babies nothing is ever that simple where we are concerned lol. I am going to pick up where I left off and we will see how far I get. After they had finished stitching everything up they took Logan’s temperature and found it was a little on the low side. Even though he had been well wrapped up because he was small for dates it was a bit of a concern. The health care assistant who was looking after us was nice enough to go and find a little heat table thing for him to lay under while I went to have a shower and get cleaned up. She was also nice enough to sort out towels and some baby bath to wash with since Mark hadn’t thought to pack any. Logan got all stripped off and was in just his nappy, he looked adorable a bit like he was sunbathing. They showed me where the shower was and explained that I had to pee into a bedpan so they could measure the amount and make sure everything was working the way it should. No-one warned me exactly how much it was going to hurt! I don’t suppose still having such a severe urine infection helped much either lol. I’m sure you will get a little giggle out of the next bit, there was a stool in the shower and I was starting to feel a little shaky, since I was bleeding quite heavily I decided that it would be a good idea to sit on the stool on the sanitary towel. You may remember me saying before how quick my blood clots, well lets just say that isn’t exactly helpful when you have stitches. I turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature and then decided that the only way I was going to get cleaned up was to direct the shower at my stitches. Yes I do realise in hindsight that it was a stupid idea, and I am still very shocked I managed to resist the urge to shout or swear very loudly at my own stupidity. I don’t think it would have hurt so much if the water hadn’t decided that was a good time to suddenly get hotter. I really couldn’t tell you how I managed to finish showering and to dress myself and walk back to the room, I was shaking like crazy, feeling sick and starting to really feel dizzy. I was really glad to be able to get back on the bed to stop the room spinning a little. When I got back to the room Logan was done sunbathing and the health care assistant was busy redressing him so he could have his first food. She said the guidelines say it’s her responsibility to make sure he took 20-30mls of milk or a decent breastfeed because of his size. It was hard for me to sit and watch someone else feeding him his first feed, but I did understand why they had these rules. Since they couldn’t find any latex free teats she ended up feeding him with a syringe. He already had a great suck on him and was happily to suck on the syringe to get his milk out. I have to be honest and admit that the exact order things happened in from here is a bit of a blur (this is why I should have blogged this the day after). I know that he had some blood taken for his blood sugar to be checked and it was a little low but I can’t remember if that was before the doctors from SCBU came to check on him or after. I know they wanted to retest his blood sugar after he had been fed again and I know that the repeat test was within the usual limits. I remember that the SCBU doctor was called Claire and she checked him all over and took some blood and managed to convince us to give him vitamin K. I know that he had another feed via syringe and that another doctor came in and gave him the Vitamin K injection into his leg. We had a lot of cuddles and Mark called Nan a few times. It was kind of surreal to be sitting in delivery suite with a baby, we have never had that chance before. Eventually we were told we had to go up to level 5. I wasn’t too impressed that they made me sit in a wheelchair and be pushed upstairs. We were shown to our bed and they sorted out a cot for Logan. Then Mark went and phoned Nan again and told her which bay we were in, so she could come up with Lukas to see Logan. We were happy to just sit on the bed, take some photographs and wait for Nan to arrive and enjoy the time as a family. Then it was finally time for Lukas to meet Logan, he came in first followed by Nan,Lisa and Ella. I’ll admit that I was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t just Nan and Lukas I was expecting Lisa to maybe drop them up and wait outside so Lukas would have a chance to really meet his baby brother. It seemed a little unfair that after waiting so long for him to arrive he had to share his first meeting and watch as Ella held him as well. He was fine about it though, but I suppose I can’t help being a little sad that absolutely nothing had gone as we thought it would. We went and sat in the day area and they all played pass the baby. Lisa took some photos on her camera of Lukas, Ella and Nan having cuddles. Then it was time for everyone to leave, Mark went with them because he had to pick up a few things from home for Logan. We were supposed to be staying in overnight on the ward and there were quite a few things we hadn’t packed in his bag. To be fair we were kind of expecting him to have gone straight to SCBU and although it was a nice surprise to have him with us we weren’t exactly prepared for it. After they left I spent a little time redressing Logan in some different clothes and I got to feed him his first bottle. I can’t remember exactly when they did it but Logan had his blood sugar tested again pre-feed and it was really low and then post-feed and it had gone up again. They came over and said that SCBU wanted him to go downstairs for some blood tests. At first she was just going to take him but I insisted on going as well. I was feeling a little worried especially since Mark wasn’t back. I thought he might panic if he came back and found me and Logan gone with no explanation but I didn't have any choice. Unfortunately I am going to have to leave it there for now, I will be back as soon as I get time.

Now for the gory bits

I left off last time just as Logan had been born in the back of the ambulance 2 minutes away from our house. I think I may have forgotten to mention the reason for the title of the previous post, the ambulance happened to be pulled up next to the postbox. I’m pretty sure Royal Mail would have refused to deliver our little bundle of joy though lol. Anyway after Logan was born and everyone was trying to get over the shock of his super quick delivery they were left with the problem of delivering the placenta. Almost straight after Logan was born the placenta started to be delivered, but apparently it didn’t appear to have all come out. The ambulance crew were hesitant as to whether they should try and deliver it or wait until we got to the hospital. They made a call to delivery suite for some advice and to say that the midwife they spoke to was unhelpful would be an understatement. They were told to call the community midwife and let her deal with it, they tried unsuccessfully to explain that wasn’t really an option since we were parked at the side of the road. They were then told to just leave it there, another option they were not really sure about since they were worried that the bumping from the ambulance could cause it to break apart the other option they were given before they had the phone slammed down on them was “just yank it out”. They decided to go with leaving it where it was, putting it in a sick bowl, covering it with a sheet and driving very slowly while hoping for the best. Logan was still perfectly content to lay on my chest and look around with one eye open. On the way to the hospital we had to answer all of the usual questions so they could fill out their forms, and chatting about various things. The ambulance lady who had delivered Logan was quite disappointed that he was a boy and we already had names picked out. She was kind of hoping we might want to name the baby after her since it was the first baby she had ever delivered. When we got to the hospital it had started to rain, they wrapped another blanket around me and Logan and started to wheel the bed down the ramp at the back of the ambulance. We almost had a slight accident because the bed wasn’t on the rails quite right and was very close to tipping over. There were people stood outside the entrance smoking as usual and they were all very interested to see them pushing us in with Logan. They wheeled the bed to delivery suite and a really nice health care assistant took him from me so he could be weighed and dressed. We ended up choosing a white vest, blue babygro and a little white cardigan for him from our bag and he already had on the little blue hat. While she was seeing to Logan a midwife came in to examine me. She was able to see that the placenta had come out in one piece, the reason it looked as though it hadn’t was because my blood clots really fast and had clotted around the placenta. She was able to remove it fully by separating the blood from the placenta. She did a lot of prodding and poking and said that I had a slight “graze” which she was unsure if it required stitching or not. She decided to clean everything up and then decide. They had a lot of fun trying to find sterile latex free gloves and then she poured something yellow onto a cloth to clean all the blood up. She was driving me slightly insane by continually asking if I wanted gas and air, I kept telling her no thank you and each time she just told me I was mad and then asked again. She decided that she was going to do some stitches and they had to go off and find all of the equipment that they needed for that. The whole time she was doing everything the student doctor from the ambulance had been in the room, getting an “anatomy lesson”. I felt really sorry for him because he looked like he was going to throw up everywhere. The next bit was quite amusing no-one could quite figure out how the stirrups worked on the bed, it took the midwife, Mark, the student doctor and the health care assistant to finally get them sorted. They raised the bed up and she inserted a tampon and then poured some lignocaine over it all before she started stitching. Obviously Lignocaine is another one of those drugs which doesn’t work on me because as she was stitching it all I could feel everything, let’s just say stitches hurt more than having the baby did lol. It’s a very odd kind off pain I think the only thing I can think of to compare it too is like a wasp sting, a very sharp pain followed by rapid swelling and a bruised feeling. The “slight graze” turned out to be a second degree tear and needed quite a few stitches, I am not entirely sure how many and I sort of lost track of the time but she seemed to take a really long time getting done. The poor student doctor was stood there watching it all and the ambulance crew came back in to drop off the papers and ended up staying to watch it all since they had never seen it done before. While she was stitching everything she found something that seemed to worry her and as soon as she was done stitching everything she went off to get a doctor to come and look at it. She came back with a male doctor who decided that it looked like a cyst of some kind to him, he left instructions that it was to be checked at my 6 week check and then left. It was only then that I was finally released from the stirrups and everyone left us alone for a little while. I am going to leave it there for tonight as I really need to get to bed, that’s pretty much all of Logan’s entrance to the world, but there’s still quite a bit more to his birth story that will have to wait for another day, hopefully it won’t take me a week to get back and write the next bit for you.

Special delivery service

Sorry we obviously have way too much Postman Pat on the television lol. But as I am sure you have guessed by the title, our little guy has finally made his arrival and he seemed determined to upstage both of his big brothers in terms of a dramatic entrance. But I suppose it would make a little more sense if I filled in a bit of the background first wouldn’t it. 2 weeks ago (that would be the 27th August) they decided to schedule an induction for 38 weeks (13th August), we had to go back again the next week on Lukas’s birthday (3rd August). I never bothered to write about the appointment because honestly I was a bit fed up after it especially since I was going to be spending Lukas’s birthday up there as well. On Lukas’s birthday we went back to the hospital and they decided to move the induction up a week to the 6th August because the baby was very small for dates. There’s a lot of other stuff to fill in between including Lukas’s birthday but that can all wait for another post. On Monday night we were getting the bus home and I got thrown backwards into the seat. I never caught my stomach yet the whole way home it was hurting across my stomach and into my back. I slept badly because it was hurting all night long, and when I got up it was still hurting. I think it was the combination of the usual pain and this new one that made sleep so hard. The new pain was more like a dull ache across the bottom of my stomach than anything worth bothering about, kind of like when you have a bruise you know it’s there but it’s not really too much to fuss over. The pain wasn’t really getting worse it was just always there being slightly annoying. I had a few pains that were different not really worse just slightly more sharp and decided to have a bath to see if it helped. After the bath we decided that it would be a good idea to go up to the hospital and get checked out. Nan was at Lisa’s looking after Conor and Ella because Lisa had a doctors appointment, so we packed the bag with stuff for Lukas to do and were intending on taking him with us. It was only then that the pain started to feel like something other than cramp. It still wasn’t anything like contractions it was just a sharper more persistent pain every so often no regularity. I told Mark that he should call Nan and see if she would be home soon so that Lukas could stay with her instead of coming with us. When he called her Lisa was still out at the doctors, we told her it was fine and we would wait for her to get back. We were intending on calling a taxi to go to the hospital to get checked out. After he called her the pain got worse and I did start having something like contractions the pain was lasting about 1 minute at a time every 15-20 minutes, my biggest issue was that I was feeling so hot. I was getting a little short tempered because I was feeling so flushed and was starting to sweat a lot. I had 2/3 of those and asked him to call Nan back and see how long she was going to be because the pain was getting worse. It was then we started considering that it might be a better idea to call an ambulance. It was about 10 minutes maybe 15 between Mark calling Nan for the second time and the pain going from that to constant. I told him that he had to call an ambulance and that if it came to it I would go on my own and he could stay with Lukas until Nan got back. Nan walked in as he was on the phone to the ambulance. By this point I was barely able to talk because of the pain, absolutely dripping with sweat and when Nan walked in I was leant over the freezer, she thinks it was because of the pain, I was actually trying to lay against the metal to cool down lol. Lisa walked in behind her with both the kids. Nan was fussing and Lisa said something about being glad it wasn’t her, I wasn’t exactly paying attention. Just as the ambulance arrived I lost a little bit of fluid, and managed to soak the pad and knickers I was wearing. I didn’t know until later that Lisa was walking over to try and rub my shoulder and be reassuring and she got splashed by it, I really don’t think I would have cared at the time but it made me giggle when she told me. I do think she should consider herself lucky that I had already had those previous leakages with water I told you about, if it had been like when they went with Lukas she would have had very wet clothes and probably had to throw her shoes away lol. The ambulance crew came in with a male student doctor, they were a little bit annoyed as they couldn’t understand why they hadn’t been called earlier no-one seemed to be able to grasp how quickly everything had happened. I had to take off the knickers and lay on the kitchen floor because they refused to transport us to the hospital if the baby was on the way, saying it wasn’t safe to have it while the ambulance was moving. When she checked she couldn’t see anything visible and they decided that they were willing to risk going to the hospital. I walked out to the ambulance, climbed up the 2 steps and got into the back with one of the crew, the student doctor was in the back too and Mark was in the front with the ambulance driver. I laid on the bed, they did up the seatbelts and we literally just pulled out of the street when I told her I needed to push. She shouted through for the driver to pull over and before she had even stopped fully he had come out in one push. The ambulance lady in the back seemed almost stunned she had barely even got out of the seat in time to catch him. Mark missed the whole thing which was a first for us, but it was all just over so quickly. The baby let out a piercing scream that was a lot louder than Leo had been and before I knew what was happening she had him in her hands and I got to catch my first glimpse of him. He was absolutely filthy all bloody and covered in white slime and vernix, but he was a great colour and was breathing fine all by himself. The ambulance driver had run around from the front and joined us with Mark just after he was born and they opened up a maternity pack and wrapped him up and handed him to me. My dress was covered in blood and god knows what else but the minute I laid my hands on him he stopped crying and just looked at me with this look of what the hell is going on here across his face. They asked Mark if he wanted to cut the cord which we haven’t ever had the chance to do before, they clamped it all and he cut it. This was all by the side of the road less than a minute away from our house. The pulled one of his little hats out of the bag for him to wear and he was perfectly content and happy laying on me wrapped up nice and warm. It was all so different from the other two. The student doctor went and got in the front with the driver and Mark was able to stay in the back with us. It was cute how the baby was looking at him with one eye half while the other was shut. He told me later that it bought tears to his eyes when he heard the baby cry. His birth story is far from over but I have stuff to do so I am just going to leave you with his birth announcement card.

Credits: Announced In Style by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Fonts are Orator Std and Bickham Script Pro.

Enabling: You can pick up the announcement I used as a fully customisable layered template and papers set here at Divine Digital, I went for different font choices and unfortunately the gorgeous little guy is not included as he's all mine lol.

Sorry I never got around to posting

anymore layouts yesterday, I had a really bad day and ended up doing not much of anything really unless you count the two layouts I scrapped. Last night Lukas drove me slightly insane with not listening, I asked him to go to bed and he ignored me, he asked for a drink which I gave him and then started messing around with it. I kept telling him to make sure he put the lid back on his bottle of drink and he kept ignoring me. He ended up spilling his drink all over our bed, you would have thought he would have learnt to listen after that wouldn’t you. But nope, he left the lid off again and spilt it over his own bed. I was really annoyed at him because if he had just gone to bed when he was told neither one of the beds would have needed changing when Mark came in last night. Today I am working on organising and deleting files since I have finally managed to complete the scan on the external hard drive without the electricity going out, it overheating or the computer refusing to complete the scan. Mark is at work until 7:30pm tonight, he started at 11 and I haven’t seen much of Lukas today. Nan had Conor and Ella this morning so he vanished downstairs to play with them, and then when Lisa came to pick them up Conor ended up staying and last time I checked they were happily playing the Playstation 2 together. He knows where I am if he wants anything and he’s been fed so I am happy to just leave him to it as long as he is behaving himself and not being too loud. I am taking full advantage of him being down there to sit here and work without the TV being on. I can’t tell you how nice it is not to hear anything except the sound of my own typing for a while, I don’t really pay much attention to it being on but I really appreciate the break from listening to cartoons or sport since that’s what is usually on. The headache is no better than usual because of it but sometimes the silence just makes a very welcome change, especially since Mark will be home tonight and that means an evening filled with him and Lukas bickering, the TV about twice as loud as it when Mark isn’t here and knowing those two an obnoxiously loud game being played on the laptop (they usually go for either games filled with gunfire, games with stupid sound effects or games with music that plays constantly at full volume). Actually I just remembered that a Sims 2 addon/expansion pack can’t remember which arrived this morning so no doubt they will be wanting to try that out, so it will be annoying music instead of gunfire tonight. Anyway I suppose I better get back to that organizing since I definitely won’t get that done with Lukas and Mark around later. Hopefully I will be back later to post some more layouts.

I’m not feeling very chatty today

So I am just going to make a start on posting those layouts, I decided that it probably makes more sense to work from oldest to newest so this might take me a while. Apparently the last one I posted here was the Buzz Lightyear car and that was in May so I might still be here doing this next year lol. I think I am going to go with 5 per post for now, and do a post or two a day with the enabling if I can sit here long enough to do it. Luckily I am not really feeling up to scrapping at the moment so at east I am not adding more and more to the list to be posted lol. If your wondering the font is different in this one because I am posting directly onto the blog instead of using Live Writer like I have been doing lately. The ones in this post and probably the next 3 are from May, I scrapped a lot of layouts in May thanks to the Queen Of Scrap Contest at Scrap Matters. Some of them were probably for other challenges as well but I haven't listed them because I can't remember exactly what I scrapped each of them for.


Credits: Layered template (NSD 09 Template Challenge) by Monsu, Hustle and Bustle Addon, The Bright Side Addon, Love Bytes Addon and Just Married Addon all by Britt-ish Designs, Hawaiian Happy Hour Mega Kit contribution by GG Digital Designs, Pewter Alpha by Tracie Stroud, Boys and Their Toys by Melany Violette (Simply Clean Digi Scraps), Glitter Sprays by Micheline Martin, Date Bits 6 by Misty Cato and Jiffy Layers Volume 2 Grunge Overlays by Rina Kroes. Font is Tekton Pro.

Journalling reads: One of the things you were really excited about and looking forward to doing, on our family trip to Legoland was Driving School. First we had to line up so you could have your photograph taken with the special speed camera. Next Mummy and Daddy had to leave you to watch a video teaching you how to drive the cars, and all the rules. Then you got to drive the special lego cars around the track. Daddy was nice enough to take the photographs while I had a rest. You had a great time, even though you did drive down the wrong side of the road. All that was left to do was go and collect and pay for your official Legoland Driving License and holder.

Enabling: Hustle and Bustle Addon, The Bright Side Addon, Love Bytes Addon and Just Married Addon all by Britt-ish Designs available here, here, here and here, Hawaiian Happy Hour Mega Kit by Scrap Matters Design Team available here and Boys and Their Toys by Melany Violette (Simply Clean Digi Scraps) available hereYou can download the Tekton Pro font here. I can't seem to find a link for the template I used but it was for a NSD challenge at Scrap Matters, Glitter Sprays by Micheline Martin, Jiffy Layers Volume 2 Grunge Overlays by Rina Kroes and Date Bits 6 by Misty Cato are now retired.


Credits: Layered template (Tuesday Template, 5th May 09) by Kathleen (kv2av), Office Space: White Alpha and Tattered and Torn: Primaries Papers by Tracie Stroud, Build A Dream by Traci Reed and 2009 Circular Dates by Bethany Harty (Elegant Wordart). Fonts are Delly and Downcome.

Journalling reads: We saw a lot of fun things at Legoland, but nothing else was as cool as these Duplo tables in the queues. While we stood in line and waited, you got to have fun building with the bricks and we just had to call you over when it was our turn to get on the ride.

Enabling: Layered template (Tuesday Template, 5th May 09) by Kathleen (kv2av)can still be downloaded from this blog post, Office Space: White Alpha by Tracie Stroud available here, Build A Dream by Traci Reed available here and 2009 Circular Dates by Bethany Harty (Elegant Wordart)available here.Tattered and Torn: Primaries Papers by Tracie Stroud doesn't appear to be in her new store at Scrap Orchard so they may be retired. I can't find a link to download the Delly font but Downcome is available here.


Credits: Layered template (Pimp My Page Challenge 1) by Cindy Schneider and Hawaiian Happy Hour Mega Kit contributions by Heather Nay (Haynay Designs), Jill Van Djik (Juno Designs), Heather Benson (Dirty Feet Designs), Denise Beatty, Jennifer Barrette, GG Digital Designs, Tracie Stroud, Britt-ish Designs, Kimberly Shontz (Geeky Diva Designs) and Erica Zane. Photos from Amazon.com

Enabling: Hawaiian Happy Hour Mega Kit by Scrap Matters Design Team available here. The template was a previous freebie for a template challenge at Peppermint Creative.


Credits: Layered template (Long N Skinny, Template 3) by Aisyah Roslan (Sya's Blueprints), Date Stamps Volume 2 by Britt-ish Designs and Foooore by Traci Reed. Font is DJB Play Misty For Me by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: When we went to the Christmas School Fete you both wanted to try all the games that were available. The idea of this one was to hit the golf ball into the hole in 3 tries or less. Ella managed to get a hole in one on her first try and for her prize she chose a brightly coloured square plastic bead bracelet.

Enabling: Long N Skinny Templates by Aisyah Roslan (Sya's Blueprints) available here, Date Stamps Volume 2 by Britt-ish Designs available here, Foooore by Traci Reed available here and DJB Play Misty For Me by Darcy Baldwin available here.


Credits: Layered template (Inspired by Kris, Template 1 flipped horizontally) by Bree Clarkson, Bead-a-holic Purple Alpha, Tabby Dates and I'm A Dreamer Addon by Britt-ish Designs and Fizzy Grape Slushie by Lauren Grier and Zoe Pearn. Font is DJB Play Misty For Me by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: Our family day out at Legoland had left all of us feeling really tired and worn out. The first thing we did when we got on the train home, was let you take off your crocs so they weren’t pressing on the blisters they had made. You were really fed up and tearful and all you wanted to do was go to sleep. Since the train was empty I did something I never thought I would do, I got Daddy to come and sit next to me and I let you lay down across the seats. Then I took off my cardigan and used it as a blanket for you. We were sitting in a 4 person seat bay, until the very nice couple opposite offered us the 6 person seats they had been sitting in. We were very greatful for the extra space and you slept like a baby all the way back to Oxford. You were still half asleep and more than a little bit cross when I had to wake you up and put your shoes back on so we could get off the train and get on the bus.

Enabling: Bead-a-holic Purple Alpha, Tabby Dates and I'm A Dreamer Addon by Britt-ish Designs available here, here and here, Fizzy Grape Slushie by Lauren Grier and Zoe Pearn available here and DJB Play Misty For Me Font by Darcy Baldwin available here. Inspired by Kris Templates by Bree Clarkson are now retired.

Nothing much to say today

I wasn’t feeling very well this morning when I got up, and I ended up feeling worse and worse. Mark went out this morning to pick up a new Argos catalogue for Lukas, ever since he saw the television advert saying the new one was being released he has been anxiously waiting for today to arrive. I swear that kid can spend hours just looking through the pages in that book, within a week it looks like it’s been mauled by a dog or something. His favourite section is the toys and the computer games but he’s also more than happy to look at baby stuff or electrical items. I had to get up and sign for a parcel for Nan and then managed a few things on my to-do list before Mark got home. Then I made a start on organising some more files on the computer. When Mark got back Lukas was happy to stay downstairs looking through his catalogue while we got a little bit of tidying up done. I told Lukas he could play the computer if he wanted to and then I laid down on the bed with Mark for a quick cuddle before he went to work and fell asleep. Mark was nice enough to leave me sleeping when he went to work and I was able to get an hour or so after he left before Lukas woke me up. He had somehow managed to flip everything on my computer again, it takes me a few seconds to fix it now since he has done it so many times, but it still freaks him out every time he does it. Maybe he remembers my reaction the first time he did it and had no clue how to fix it lol. I haven’t really seen much of him today, I left him playing up here while I went downstairs with Nan for a while. I came up at 7:50pm sorted out his pyjamas and the DVD player to record and then left him watching Kung Fu Panda. I ended up watching Casualty with Nan and when his film finished he was more than content to sit watching cartoons while I checked my emails. Now I have to run because Mark has just come in from work with chips from the takeaway, and a battered sausage for me just in case I wanted it lol. Sometimes it’s the simplest little gestures that are the sweetest, and remind exactly why I love him so much. The plan for tomorrow is some sport in the morning and then to sort out Lukas’s bedroom and do some tidying up in here. I’m hoping I feel a bit better tomorrow so I can help out a little bit. Then there’s a WWE Pay Per View - Night Of Champions on tomorrow night to look forward, hopefully we will be able to stay awake and watch but if not we always dvd record it, then I have a hospital appointment on Monday afternoon. Gotta run the chips are getting cold and considering I wasn’t even hungry they smell really good lol.

Quick update

I promise I am not going to ramble on like I did earlier, I just thought I would pop in and say that I have finally finished that post from the other day, you have to scroll down a little bit to read it but it is all done. The next thing on my to-do list for the blog is to start uploading all of the layouts I haven’t shared here along with the credits and enabling, you can see them by clicking on the blinkie on the right and then going to the month’s album but although I do add credits to them I don’t add any links to the products I have used. It’s a big job but hopefully I can just do a few at a time until they are all done. I haven’t decided yet whether it would be more sensible to work backwards from the latest to the oldest or forwards from the oldest to the newest layouts. I’m falling asleep sitting here trying to type this hopefully when Mark comes home in 2 hours I will be able to have a bath and get an early night. Usually I don’t like to go to bed until Lukas is asleep but since he doesn’t have to be at school tomorrow I don’t care when he goes to sleep, so him and Mark can just bicker and argue with each other all night long if they feel like it while I sleep lol. I suppose I really should think about going and doing some dinner soon I did Lukas some toast a little while ago, so he might not be hungry yet but if I leave it much longer I will have to listen to her complaining about the dishes. Lukas will probably want pizza again so that’s just a plate I haven’t got a clue what I want except some sleep lol. I might just make a sandwich or cereal since it’s quick. 

I have a feeling today is going to be a long day

The weather is rubbish, we have already had a thunderstorm and some really heavy rain, right now it’s not raining but it’s really damp and cold everywhere. Nan is driving me mad moaning about how it’s July and it should be summertime. She’s driving me mad because when it was hot she was moaning just as much about that there is just no pleasing her. I am feeling pretty miserable since the weather is making me really stiff and sore on top of everything else. I’m also really shivering but I don’t want to put on any more clothes because I get too hot, I will be so glad when the baby is born and I just get to be one or the other again. I have a lot of things I am supposed to be doing but for now I have no motivation so I am taking advantage of the fact that Lukas is downstairs with Nan to just have some peace and quiet, catch up on my blog reader and do some other bits and pieces on the computer that are impossible to concentrate on with Lukas around. Mark’s working a different shift today so he has already gone to work and will be home about 7:30pm tonight. Yesterday he spent the majority of the day in Lukas’s room and while he may not have made a great deal of progress making it clean enough to satisfy her the bunk bed that I have always despised is finally in pieces in the garden waiting to be collected by the rubbish people. We are lucky that we are allowed any 3 large items at a time to be collected and disposed of free of charge, all we have to do is ring the council and arrange collection. The only problem is they are very vague when I phoned yesterday she said they might come and collect it today but it might be anywhere between 5-10 working days. It’s not my fault they are now going to have a very wet and soggy mattress and bed base to collect from the garden. The bed is one of the many things me and Mark have been bickering about lately. I want it gone so Lukas has more room to play in his room during the holidays, Mark thinks he should be made to sleep in his own room again. I don’t want him to feel pushed out by the baby coming, so I refuse to make him sleep in there. It’s one of those things we are never going to agree on because Mark is off the opinion that Lukas shouldn’t ever have been in here in the first place, but I think he has forgotten that for a long time Lukas slept in here with me in my bed because he wasn’t here. I have always hated to sleep on my own, I would be lying if I said I am not still a little scared of the dark so I understand why Lukas doesn’t want to sleep in his bedroom on his own. I can’t understand why it’s a big deal where he sleeps, I do get that we don’t really have room in here for all of our stuff and the stuff Lukas brings in but doesn’t put back. I guess I just think we should be working on making him put his toys back when he has finished with them instead of making him stay in his own room all the time. Mark is hardly ever here and I kind of like having Lukas around for company. The television being on cartoons all the time doesn’t even bother me. Mark seems to be of the opinion that the television and pretty much every other electrical item belongs to him. He thinks he should be able to watch what he wants all the time (usually sport), play the playstation whenever he wants, and play the laptop whenever he wants and when he doesn’t get his own way he throws a temper tantrum. He’s also never happy to settle for just one or the other, like he always wants the laptop and the sport at the same time, which annoys Lukas. He also seems to think if he wants to play the laptop and Lukas wants to play the laptop I should get off my desktop computer for Lukas to play that, but if I try and watch something on tv while he plays the laptop and Lukas has my computer he sulks or just plays his game so loud I can’t hear anything anyway eventually I get frustrated and turn it off. Mark will also cause rows about every little thing he is asked to do, even down to the simple things like putting his rubbish in the bin, or taking the washing downstairs. None of these things are new with Mark, but they have gotten a lot worse lately. I don’t just mean they are bothering me more because I feel ill, he’s done this every single time I have been pregnant, I talk to him and he ignores me, he doesn’t seem to want me to cuddle him or show him any affection and then he sulks and acts jealous because he’s not getting as much attention as Lukas. Usually it gets to a point like this, we fight he packs his bags and moves back to his mothers house. This is the first time he hasn’t had that option, when I told him a few weeks ago that I just couldn’t cope with it all anymore and I asked him to leave he said he had nowhere to go. I guess either he isn’t welcome at his dad’s with the new girlfriend and the lodger being there or maybe he just doesn’t feel like he is welcome. Obviously everything would be easier if we had our own place since we wouldn’t have Nan contributing to the arguments. I am not naive enough to think that moving out would solve all of our issues or that we would never fight it’s always been our nature to disagree. Hopefully once the baby is born we can pack our bags and go to Chessington for the weekend again, those few days away from it all seem to help enough. I guess I have rambled on enough for now, especially since Lukas is now back up here and I have to find something to amuse him for a little while, I kind of got sidetracked with this and haven’t done any of the things I was hoping to do while we was downstairs. Maybe I will be back later.