Damn I hate November

I really really hate November. I am so tired of feeling unfocused, unmotivated and unfulfilled in my life. I know that Leo's anniversary always makes my life a little strange, I know it hurts and I also know that it will probably always hurt but usually I function semi-normally until at least a the week before, and then I just feel a little down and blue, I tend to keep to myself and avoid the forums and the blogs for a few days and spend more time than usual hugging Lukas and telling him I love him. I crave physical touch in any way I can get it, be it hugs or kisses or just holding hands. I understand that and I accept that I almost expect that to happen. But this month has been different I have spent the whole month feeling depressed, and wanting to cry a lot of the time. I had a meeting today with Lukas's teacher and she didn't tell me anything I didn't know already but I was fighting back tears on the way home. Hearing all the areas he's behind in and needing extra help makes me sad, I feel guilty and responsible. I suppose it's because I know how much of his mummy got lost the same day as Gaiebraille died, how much more was lost with Leo and what he was left with by the time we got to Ambrose. I wanted to be so many things to him I had these dreams of sitting with him and doing his homework, helping him to be the best person he could be and being loving and supportive and I know I failed miserably in my opinion. I know that in other people's opinion I am doing the best I can do and that should be good enough but for me it's not I want to be so much better than I am. Creativity usually helps me to focus to turn the negatives things into more positive ones but I am completely uninspired. I can't drag up the effort to open photoshop let alone scrap. Lukas is cross with me because I haven't made any new layouts. I am mad at my self because I am letting this negativity overwhelm my life and Nan is driving me insane, yap yap yapping about Christmas. I don't want to think about Christmas and it's all she Nan is talking about fairy lights and decorations just make me angry at the moment. I hate the falseness of the holiday, buying gifts for people you don't speak to any other time of the year. Pretending you like people for that one damn day and know full well that the next day they will be right back to bitching about you like they do the other 364 days in the year. I'll get over it but right now it's safer for everyone if I stay in my bedroom and avoid as much conversation as possible. Because otherwise I am bound to say things I will regret and mabe even end up hurting people's feelings when I don't mean to. I hate this damn black cloud I am under right now I wish it would just bugger off and annoy someone else for a little while.

Reality is a strange thing

it's the only thing in the world that has the power to warn you it's going to make you suffer, only you don't take the warning it offers seriously because you hope that the reality will change. It's like how you know that something is coming and you are given fair warning about it yet you still wake up one morning and it's managed to sneak up on you and make you think life sucks. The thing about reality is you have a lot of tools at your disposal that you use to try and convince yourself that things will change. Are you lost yet? Then let me give you an example, when you have an exam in three weeks time that you have to pass, three weeks is a long time right so there's no need to study today and you use that excuse for the next week or so. Time is on your side so there is no need to hurry, that's using the tool of procrastination. Then there's when the weather forcast says it's going to rain on the day of your wedding that's being held outside that tool there would be hope, you hope that the reality will change. Then there's the last one I want to talk about right now the one that only happens after procrastination and hope don't work anymore complete and utter denial when you simply refuse to believe the reality staring you in the face. Now you may be wondering why I am bringing this up tonight well my brother met a girl and they fell in love. Her family emigrated to New Zealand and they planned to follow once they had finished college and made arrangements. Well at first I have to admit we all had to attitude that we would believe it when we saw it. It was a long way off and things change. Well though their plans got delayed and they had some ups and downs they still planned to go through with it. Then we moved onto hoping that they might change their minds, maybe they would get bored of each other or he would realise he was moving to the other side of the world and think twice about his choice. Then when they got the money together and went for a visit there was the hope that maybe he wouldn't like it. But when he came back he was more enthusiastic about the move then he ever has been about anything. So it became obvious that denial was more than just a river in Egypt. I didn't want to believe he was really going. Don't get me wrong I wish him and his fiancee all the happiness in the world I really do and I would never ever try and stop him from leaving because I know that is what he wants. But to me even though here is only a few years age difference between us he will always be my baby brother. The one I used to defend at school, the one I worry about and want to protect. He also happens to be the only one who wants to have a relationship with me.It's really hard to know that's he's leaving and never coming back. There won't ever be a possibility of running into him again while I do my shopping or buying him alcohol to sneak into my mum's house lol. I am going to miss him and it makes me sad. In 3 short days he will be on a plane on the way to start his new life and because they gave up their flat and moved back in with my mum to save money I won't even get to tell him goodbye in person. I left him a facebook message telling him to be safe and just have to keep my fingers crossed that he sees it before he goes.

So I know lately

that my posts have been kind of well depressing, and I am sorry for that I really am. It's not like I enjoy writing posts that only highlight the bad parts of my life, the problem is sometimes it's hard to see the good parts it's easy to overlook the little things that make me smile. So today I decided to share with you three things that have made me smile this week. The first would have to be Lukas who always has this magic talent to make me feel better, he can definately turn any frown upside down. His latest trick for the want of a better word is to simply look at me and say these words "Mum", "What Lukas?", "Your beautiful do you know that", (instantly getting a lump in my throat) "aww thank you baby, that's really sweet" "your the best mummy in the whole world" (getting more choked with every word) "and your my best boy" "I'm glad your my mummy" "i'm really glad your my baby Lukas" "I love you 100" "and I love you a million Lukas". So that's something in my life that makes me feel loved every single day yet I have never bothered to blog about it before. The second thing would again be Lukas and stuff he says only this time it's not his loving nature its his sense of humour. Last night we had a very fun conversation that went something like this. I was cuddled up behind him after I had given him a bath and washed his hair and I said to him "Oh you smell really nice now" his answer just made me laugh out loud, "Do, I? because I just farted and it was a really stinky one" lol. He says stuff like that all the time,no hesitation just things he comes out with that make me smile and yet I never blog about those times either. Then finally the third thing is the pride Lukas has for me. He looks at every layout I make and begs me to print them out for him, asks me often why I don't pick him up from school and when I ask why tells me "because I want to show you to my friends". He doesn't care that I am ill, or fat or that I don't act anything like a normal mummy and yet he still loves me anyway. I am so very blessed to have him. He's been telling me off for not posting my layouts for him to see on here so I am going to do that for him now and then I am off to do my job as a mummy and rub his poor leg (he hurt it yesterday at school and can't stand on it so he's been off school today and had a great time sitting down on my computer watching stuff playing games and being waiting on hand and foot lol). Before I go here are the layouts. I only have 4 to share sorry, the first 3 are using Chrissy's new Angie'licious 3 templates and the last one is using the Elemental Scraps November Mega Kit by Team 2 Egocentric.


Credits: Layered template (Angie'licious 3, Template 3) by Chrissy W and Just Say Boo by Royanna Lea Frtschmann. Font is FO Messy Bessy by Fontologie. Journalling reads: Since our 1st day at Chessington was a complete washout thanks to the rain we had to wait until our second park visit to take some cute photos of you sat on one of the pumpkin patch displays around the park. This one was in Beanoland and I almost felt guilty asking you to sit on it since it was so cold and the hay was bound to still be damp. Your grinning because you know that this one photo is a trade for the endless goes on the ride you want to go on. You know that I wanted it so badly I would have agreed to almost anything you wanted in exchange for this one shot of you, looking adorable on the pumpkin patch I take comfort from the fact that one day you will have kids of you own and they will be the ones doing the bargaining while you stand and beg them for “just one nice photograph please”.


Credits:Layered template (Angie'licious 3, Template 1) by Chrissy W, Legacy Treasures by Royanna Lea Fritschmann, I'm Talking 'bout remembering you and Play 2..0 wordart by Jodie McNally. Fonts are FO Textura Traced and FO Weathered In Between both by Fontologie. Journalling reads: God sent an angel to the earth... The sweetest angel too and for such a tiny little thing, he had so much to do. He knew he did not have much time upon this earth to stay, so he did not waste a second he got started right away. His eyes were bright and sparkly, he took in every turn. he did not miss a single thing, because Leo came to learn! God sent him here to touch the hearts of those He could not reach... He taught us courage, strength and faith,because he came to teach. His tiny little body was so full of God above, you felt it when you held him, because Leo came to love. In three short months he managed what many never will. When he went home to heaven, his purpose was fulfilled. He learned and taught, smiled and cooed, he learned his lessons well. I know it was his time to go but losing him was hell.


Credits: Layered template (Angie'licious 3, Template 2) and Oh Boy, I'm Worn Out Alpha (slightly recoloured) by Chrissy W, Journalling Strips by Angie Kovacs, Hand Sewn Neutral Stitching and Heavy Duty Staples by Kate Hadfield, A Papered Life 16 - High Style Terracotta (slightly recoloured), Gettin' Framed 02 (Slightly recoloured), Gettin' Handled And Buckled and Ripped & Worn Paper Notes by Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Plastic Mesh Action Small by Tandika Star. Fonts are FO Printing Primer Abundant and FO Printing Primer In Between both by Fontologie. Journalling reads: When we told you that it was time to go home from the holiday, we were expecting a tantrum, or maybe a few tears at the very least a really really bad tempered little boy. But we couldn’t have been more surprised to hear you asking us if it was time to go home yet or you bursting into tears when we told you that we were going to the zoo. You were so exhausted from the previous three days, fed up of the weather, homesick and missing Nana you begged us to not go and please go home. I have to admit I was secretly a little glad we didn’t have to add all that travelling onto our day again or try and negotiate the zoo with all the luggage. But I was still disappointed we hadn’t got to have our planned zoo day. We packed up all of the clothes into the suitcase and all of the souvenirs between the bags and the rucksack. All of your teddy bears and stuffed animals went into your pyjama bag and I ended up with all the other bits and pieces in the John Cena bag. People must have thought we had been on holiday for a month instead of the only 5 days! By the time we dragged all of this to the bus stop me and daddy were starting to feel tired you on the other hand looked like this. You were so happy that we were finally on our way home. Or at least we would be after one last stop - Our 1st trip to Ikea! Whether you were looking forward to going there and getting a present or just glad to leave the hotel and know we were heading home we will never know. But I will say it was really nice to get some photographs of you looking genuinely happy and excited,it’s just a shame we had to wait until we were leaving for them!


Credits: Layered template (Egocentric, Team 2 November Mega Kit) by Chrissy W, Everything else is from the Egocentric kit contributions by Jannylynn Brokken, Chris Wasielewski, Chrissy W and Nikki Scott. Font is FO Journal Away by Fontologie. Journalling reads: One of your favourite things about Chessington is getting to go to Pizza Hut and have your very own pepperoni pizza. First we have to order the pizza and find a bench to sit on. When you take the first piece out you always gaze out of the window for a little while. Then you suddenly remember there’s a pizza in front of you! The first piece always gets eaten super quickly, I don’t think you even taste it. The second piece a little slower you usually pick off the pepperoni and eat that first. The thrid part is slower still you often stop and chat to me between bites. The last bit is the one you eat the slowest because you don’t want to finish the pizza, you love sitting in there and hate it when we have to leave. Then you lick all of the pizza off of your fingers, before you do the part that makes me laugh every single time you pick up the pizza box and peer inside, shaking it just to make sure that there is definately none left inside. That’s followed with a sad face and then a quick drink before you sigh and pick up your things and get ready to go.You are always so disappointed that we have to leave. Poor little man.

Be back with the enabling a little later on the little master needs his mummy lol.

Is there anyone out there who feels happy at the moment?

Because it doesn't seem like it to me. Everywhere I look people are sad or miserable, everyone seems worn out and snappy. I know personally I feel even more tired than I normally do and my temper has been a lot shorter than normal, I put it partly down to me still being sick but that argument only works for myself. I know that I feel yuck but it can't just be down to me. Nan and Mark are driving me insane if it's not one whinging it's the other. I am so sick of hearing them talk I just want to smash their heads together or duct tape their mouths shut for a while. Almost everything they are saying and doing is irritating me. I fail to grasp why they both feel the need to vocalise every bitchy complaint about each other to me, why can't they just cut out the middle man (well middle woman actually lol) and bitch at each other instead. I don't want to hear both sides of the argument or more accurately I don't want to hear either side of the argument. I just want to be left out of it completely. I feel a lot more withdrawn and depressed than I have done for a while too. Lukas is laying around a lot like he just can't be bothered to do anything. None of the kids seem to want to play with anything they all just seem really listless and fed up. But fed up and tired is one thing irritated constantly is another.Today Mark has annoyed me by going to his dad's all day yet again. He did finally find Lukas's swimming trunks that he lost but I am still mad nothing he promised to do has been done. He's borrowed some money from Lukas's piggy bank because we are seriously low on funds this week, I could care less as long as he replaces it when he gets paid but that set off Nan. Firstly I don't think it's any of her bloody business and secondly why does she feel like I need to know about it? If she has a problem with something Mark has done why can't she tell him? Then I had a lecture about a letter that came home from Lukas's school. I hate letters from school they are a major cause of arguments around here. I can not grasp why Nan feels like she is entitled to read every letter that comes home addressed to lukas's PARENTS, yes capital letters because it really iritates me. She isn't his parent and she doesn't have the right to have an opinion about school stuff as far as I am concerned. But that's my opinion I choose to bite my tongue usually but sometimes I have to resort to scratching chunks out of my hands when I am clenching my fists to avoid punching her. Lukas's school sent a letter home yesterday about a fund raising thing they are doing. I don't like school fundraisers I prefer to choose what charities I support and how I support them. The charity they are fund raising for happens to be one of the ones I don't agree with so I am choosing not to participate and donate money. I believe I am entitled to express that view. Nan on the other hand tries to bully me into supporting a charity I don't believe in with what I basically call blackmail. Words like "Lukas will be the only one who doesn't", "How will that look to other people" and "people will comment" generally don't achieve any result except making me want to thump you. I refuse to be bullied into doing something just because "everyone else will be doing it". I want Lukas to form his own opinions about charity and donating. I don't think charity should ever be forced. I'm also in the position right now where I can barely avoid to pay my bills and feed Lukas so charity is kind of the last thing on my mind. Don't get me wrong we are not always like this we will be ok for money at the end of the month but for now thanks to the holiday we are struggling. Everytime the school does things like this is causes a row because usually she goes behind my back and makes a donation in my name anyway. They did a fundraiser a while back where the kids had to take in £2.50 and they would get a pair of socks, all the money went to a charity I firmly disagree with so I said no I wouldn't be doing it. Lukas came home with the socks and said Nan gave him the money which drove me insane and caused a huge row. I hate it when people go behind my back, I hate it when she makes me feel like I am a bad mother and I just wish she would butt out and mind her own business once in a while. It's no different when his school reports come home she often gets them out of his bag and reads them before I do. I guess I have just reached the point where I want to be allowed to be the parent I am supposed to be. I am his mum and I just wish that people would start seeing me as that. The only way I can ever see a way out of this is to move out since it's her house, I have to end up following her rules and her butting in and making me feel guilty, I have to tolerate her interfereing but I don't want to anymore. I also don't know how I can move out at the moment the idea of being alone in our own house is great in theory but the idea of losing the few remaining family members I have left breaks my heart. If I move out it will cause a huge row and I will feel guilty about her being on her own here. It was bad enough when she broke her arm and I was upstairs and didn't hear her. Every day I have to live with the knowledge that one day she is going to die, and either she is going to be on her own and it may be days before anyone finds her or the very real possibility that I am going to be the one who goes in to wake her up one morning and finds her. I don't like either situation. I don't want her to be alone but I wish I wasn't the one who had to live here with her. She is so hard for me to deal with especially when I am ill myself, but there's no-one else she's my responsibility because no-one else can be bothered with her. The saddest part for me is in my heart I know that my relationship with her and my marriage can not both survive in this environment. Eventually something is going to have to give and I will end up losing one of them for good. I don't want to choose between them but I can't keep living like this. It's just too hard.

It's been a long week

and to be honest I am not really sure where to start. Since we got back I have been struggling with a lot of things, so much piled up while we were away and I am finding it difficult to get back on track. It doesn't help that I am still really sick and things here are to be blunt not that great. There is a lot of stuff going on here that I have no control over and are making me really depressed. Things like the broken washing machine or the bags that are still waiting to be unpacked bother me but I just can't be bothered to sort them. Things like the mountains of washing that are piling up everywhere, Mark is taking them to his dad's to wash but he can only take so much at a time which I can do absolutely nothing about but are driving me insane. The problem is we are not short of clothes, I have way too many but some of the stuff Mark has chosen to wash is insane. One example is Lukas's pyjamas. He currently has 6 pairs that fit properly, 2 pairs that are starting to be outgrown and 2 pairs that are summer ones (shorts and t-shirts) yet he doesn't have a single pair clean! Tonight he has gone to bed in a pair of bottoms that don't seem to have a top (not uncommon around here since he usually needs tops in a bigger size and the trousers are then too long. When he's outgrown the top the trousers are just starting to fit) and a long sleeved t-shirt. But he's washed about 6 of my tops (did I mention I currently have about 3 drawers full of clean tops?). We are all tired and fed up, everyone is bickering and grumpy and honestly the holiday was really not the break we had hoped it would be. We tried to have a good time but our hearts just weren't in it. I will have to save the holiday details for another post because I want to give you an account that includes some good part and not just torrential rain and a crappy hotel. What I really need is to feel better for one day so I can get everything sorted out. I just can't face the effort of dragging to the doctors yet again though. So I am trying to just get on with things when all I really want to do is climb into bed and sleep. This is a really whiny post isn't it, sorry. I am just very frustrated with everything at the moment, hopefully things will be better tomorrow. Now that I have finally cleared the backlog of emails, blogs and other stuff that built up I am hoping I will feel a little less overwhelmed and not want to cry all the time. I am even keeping my fingers crossed for little bit of peace and quiet today, maybe the chance to have 5 minutes to myself or *wishful thinking* some scrapping time. Actually I feel a bit better now that I have typed that out, so thanks for listening. Back later.

Probably my last post before we go

and it's going to be a super quick one because Mark will be home soon and I have a huge list of things that need to be done before tomorrow. The suitcase still isn't packed, the printer needs to be fixed so the tickets can be printed out plus all the usual stuff like tidying up, bathing Lukas, getting him undressed. Right now I am just getting frustrated with Lukas because he is noisy, annoying and driving me crazy. I just need him to sit for a while or at the very least turn down his volume a bit. I have spent the whole day alternating between "Lukas calm down and stop running around" and "Lukas please be quiet" and there's been a few "Lukas just shut up for 5 minutes you are driving me insane" lol got to love half term and overexcited monkeys. So while he was downstairs tormenting Nan for a while I managed to get a layout scrapped. My hands are really tied with getting holiday stuff done until Mark comes home. I can't pack because I don't know what clothes he wants, can't do the printing because he hasn't fixed the printer. I have a few others from yesterday to share too. Scrappng is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment, it's one of the only things that stops my mind racing with everything that needs to be done, or gotten ready. I kind of feel like my head is going to explode sometimes with how much I have to remember, I am so unsettled at the moment my head is a mess.
Anyway here are the layouts I have to share with you, hopefully we will have a blast on holiday and I will come back with tonnes of new photos to scrap and inspiration to scrap them (I can dream can't I lol) I'm hoping we hve such a good time I don't stop to think about all the Digital Scrapbooking Day festivities I am missing.

The 1st one was created for Chrissy's new template challenge, the rectangle version.

Credits: Layered template (Template Challenge 8 Rectangle) by Chrissy W, Lakehouse by Angie Kovacs and Chrissy W, The Right Path Basics, The Glittered Edge Alpha and Not Too Shabby Papers by Angie Kovacs, Cardboard Swirls (used as clipping mask) by Bren Boone, Funky Hearts and Glitter Styles by Megan Farrow (Flergs) and Make Me Gorgeous Action by Lauren Barden. Font is FO Free Refill by Fontologie.

Enabling:

The 2nd one was created using this month's Songbird Avenue kit.

Credits: Layered template (Edge 2 Edge, Template 2) by Chrissy W, Label Me 01 by Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Peachy Keen (Songbird Avenue October 08) by Meredith Fenwick, Jan Crowley and Pamela Gibson. Fonts are FO Howie's Stamps Abundant and FO Howie's Stamps Lowfat both by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: The first time we went to Jamboray, with Conor, Ella, Morgan and Reece you had a great time. Driving the cars, playing in the ballpit, scaling the cargo nets, sliding down the huge slide, jumping on the trampolines and climbing over the obstacle course. I tried really hard to take some photos for you to remember your first trip there, but you were all busy rushing about and playing on everything You were way too fast for me, I just couldn’t keep up. By the time I found a camera setting that gave me acceptable results and started to learn how to take photos, the camera batteries died. But that’s ok you had fun and that’s what is really important. But that means we will have to go back again so I can have another go at getting some photographs. But I am pretty sure you will have no objections to that will you Lukas.

Enabling:

The 3rd one was created using Royanna's Passionately Pink Blog Freebies.

Credits: Layered template (Sample Pack 7, Template 4) by Chrissy W, Passionately Pink Blog Freebies 1,2 and 3 by Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Stitched Stems by Natalie Braxton and I Miss My Mother Wordart by Merkeley Designs. Fonts are FO Weathered In Between and FO Printing Primer Abundant both by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: When I first met you I really liked you, I can’t say the feeling was very mutual but it didn’t matter, I loved you like a second mother. When you were first diagnosed with Cancer I remember being the one to hold you. Being the one to hide my own tears from you and being the one to hold your son and tell him everything was going to be ok. We watched you get sick with the chemotherapy and I remember sitting and spending hours looking online for things to make it easier on you - Wigs, Bras, and other stuff like that but you never ended up having to have the mastectomy you were so afraid of. Then for a while it looked like everything was going to be ok, we started to hope for a future. When you found that second lump I urged you to go to the doctors but you delayed and wasted precious time. For a while I hated you for doing that. Hated you for not going and getting it checked and treated. Hated you for telling me this information that I had to hide from the one I love. But more than that I hated you for not caring enough to think about anyone but yourself. It was so hard on all of us when you had to start treatment again. I used to think that maybe if you had gone to the doctors like I begged you to, or you had taken your medication like you should have done maybe we wouldn’t have to go through this. Then we moved out and barely saw you. When you started being admitted to hospital we assumed it was because yet again you were not following doctors advice. But we were wrong. After you died we found out you were much sicker than any of us had ever thought, maybe even more than you knew. I know we had our differences but that doesn’t mean that a single day goes by when I don’t wish I had got the chance to tell you how much I cared.

Enabling:

The 4th one is the one I did today with an old photo I found of Lukas.

Credits: Layered template (Shop For Sarah, Template 9) by Char Huskins and Hold Fast by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Fonts are FO Free Refill and FO Printing Primer Abundant both by Fontolohie.

Journalling reads: When we took this photograph, you had a great big bruise on your head from bumping into something. You were still small enough to wear babygros to bed and you really loved to sleep on your Fimbles inflatable bed. You looked so tiny laying in it, not at all like the big boy you were all of the rest of the day. We never once thought this would be the last photograph of you in it we got. Never thought that you would become a big brother 4 days later. Maybe if we had known what was coming next, these moments would have seemed more precious than they were. We would have clung to every single second of them. This photograph will always remind me of just how precious those little moments are and how quickly they can be gone.

Enabling:

Will try and add the enabling later if I get a chance.

Cyber Sunday or should that be Scrapping Sunday?

It's a drive by posting tonight because I am off to watch WWE Cyber Sunday, unfortunately the yummy John Cena is still out injured so I will have to settle for just watching violence lol. I have been really busy scrapping all day long today and have managed to max out my gallery uploads everywhere and I still have 2 more to upload (unless I get anymore done during Cyber Sunday lol)

First up I have 3 more layouts with Chrissy and Angie's Grab Bag.

Credits: Layered template (Edge 2 Edge Rectangle, Template 4) and Seasons Word Clouds by Chrissy W and Lakehouse by Angie Kovacs and Chrissy W and Glitter Styles by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is FO-Textura by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Making footprints, eating the snow, building a snowbaby, making snow angels and then going to the park and sliding down into a snowpile were just some of the things we had fun doing when it snowed in April.


Credits: Layered template (Edge 2 Edge, Template 1) by Chrissy W, Grab Bag Text Paths by Angie Kovacs and Lakehouse by Chrissy W and Angie Kovacs. Font is FO Printing Primer Abundant by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: When we go to the park as a family we rarely manage to get any photographs of you.There are always too many things you want to do like run around and play on everything. It’s nice that you have a great time playing but not so good for mummy to take any photographs of you. When mummy was ill and you and Daddy went to Hinksey Park alone. Daddy managed to take a few as you were sitting on the riverbank enjoying a snack and feeding the ducks. It’s nice to see that sometimes even you can just sit still.


Credits: Layered template (Edge 2 Edge, Template 3) by Chrissy W, Not Too Shabby Papers and Journalling Strips by Angie Kovacs, I'm Talking 'bout Birthdays Wordart by Jodie McNally and Cupcakes and Glitter Styles by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Fonts are FO Textura Empty and FO Textura Traced both by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Choose cake-Add icing-Taste test-Add decorations-Show it off-Add More decorations-Enjoy eating it. School Summer Fete 08.

Then there's this one using a template by Chrissy and an older kit by Royanna.

Credits: Layered template (AD It Up Rectangle, Template 3) by Chrissy W and Treasured Inspirations and Photosplicer 01 by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Fonts are FO-Empty Wrapper Abundant and FO-Weathered In Between both by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: While you and daddy were waiting to ride on the Tiny Truckers, Mummy amused herself by taking some pictures of all the pretty flowers. Mummy is very very allergic to both wasps and bees, but when I saw this bee land on the flower I really wanted a photograph. It was hard for me to resist my urge to walk away because I was afraid. But because I found the courage to stay I ended up with this beautiful picture. I was really proud that I had managed to overcome my fear of being stung long enough to take it.

Then finally there are 4 brag book pages for the Brag Book Challenge with WendyZine over at Scrapbook Graphics.

Credits: Layered template (May, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps, Dusk Till Dawn by Megan Farrow (Flergs) and Photo Tints by Katie Pertiet. Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: One of the things I have always loved about you is your imagination. Watching you playing with the Blox is a great time to see it in action. There’s no limit to what they can become, at least until you get bored with them.


Credits: Layered template (June, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps and Chase-ing Ryan, Paper Garden and Grab Bag Cluster Borders by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Things we barely notice grab your attention. I’m greatful that you often drag me down to your level and point out all the little things to me. It’s fun to see things from your perspective.


Credits: Layered template (July, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps and Deacons Closet and Deacons Closet Sampler by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: School events always allow me to see a whole different side of you. It makes me happy to see you playing with your friends and listening to people who are genuinely pleased to see you. It’s nice to see that you’re making progress and improving at things all the time. I’m so proud of you.


Credits: Layered template (August, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps and Fancy Pants by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: You are always helping me to change as a person and become a better mummy to you. When you were sick on your birthday I was sad that we would have to cancel our plans. But you showed me that to you the actual date means nothing. As long as we got to celebrate at some point you were happy. Thanks for reminding me to always go with the flow.

No enabling because I really want to go and watch people pounding each other lol. But the grab bag is linked in the last post and I will be back with the enabling tomorrow.

If your wondering

Nope my mood really isn't much better than it was the last time I blogged. Nan is still driving me around the bend and I had a massive argument with her earlier. But I don't want to talk about it. I also don't want to talk about how every single day I am counting down to our little break away from things I am reading more and more about Digital Scrapbooking Day celebrations that I am going to miss. Yes my timing sucks the biggest digital scrapbooking party of the year and I will be nowhere near a computer to participate. Last year was a blast but I am trying to look on the bright side. I am going to spend 4 whole nights almost 3 hours away from Nan in a hotel, just us. It's not just the Digital Scrapboking Day celebrations it's missing Halloween too. I love looking at the little trick or treaters costumes even if Lukas is rarely interested in anything to do with it. I suppose it didn't really help my mood that Lukas turned around today and said he doesn't want me to go on holiday with him. He only wants to go with daddy, but he won't tell me why. So a pretty crappy day all round except for one thing I got 2 layouts done. Chrissy W and Angie Kovacs have opened a joint store at Elemental Scraps and to celebrate they have released a grab bag. That's what I have been busy with tonight. So no more moaning tonight only the layouts. First up is the one I did the other day that you haven't seen yet about my very sexy shoes.


Credits: Layered template (McTurtle'icious Rectangle, Template 4) by Chrissy W, Accouterment Junque by Royanna Lea Fritschmann and I'm Talking 'bout Sports Wordart by Jodie McNally. Font is FO-Textura by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: I may not be a girly girl, but like most women I do have a little weakness for pretty shoes. I love the added height and the way any outfit can be made to look better. But most of all I love how shoes are sexy on anyone regardless of their size. This pair happen to one of my favourites, they are platform heels so I can actually walk in them, the only problem is they really hurt. I only wear these when I am going out somewhere I am likely to feel unsecure. They give me a much needed confidence boost and look great on so to me that makes them worth any pain.

The next one was made almost entirely with Chrissy and Angie's Grab Bag, the only thing not in it was the little date stamp element.

Credits: Layered template (Edge 2 Edge Rectangle, Template 2) by Chrissy W and Lakehouse by Chrissy W and Angie Kovacs and Postage Date Stamps by Amber Clegg. Font is FO Howie's Stamps Abundant by Fontologie.

Journalling: When we got home from school one day, Nana told you that Lisa was coming to pick you up, to go and play at Jamboray with Conor and Ella. Mummy and Nana were coming to. We had to rush to get you changed out of your school uniform and into some going out to play clothes. You started to whine that you were hungry so I offered you a super quick snack of cereal and mini ring doughnuts. When you saw them you got that cheeky little glint in your eyes. Your little brain was cooking up something cheeky to do but because we were in a rush I just left you to it. Then I hear you calling me and I turn around and see this. You somehow came up with the idea that you could look through them like glasses. Apparently it’s more fun to play with your food than it is to eat it. Obviously I had to snap a few pictures of you before I got you all cleaned up. It’s a good job Lisa is always late when she picks us up to go anywhere. You always manage to make me laugh lukas. I only wish I knew where you come up with all these crazy ideas.

The last one I have to share was made using a template from Chrissy and Angie's Grab Bag and Royanna's contribution to the mega kit for Breast Cancer at Divine Digital. The kit is huge and the money raised is going to something very close to my own heart. As you know Mark's mum died earlier this year from Cancer that started as Breast cancer and spread throughout her body.

Credits: Layered template (Edge 2 Edge Rectangle, Template 1) by Chrissy W and Passionately Pink by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Font is FO Printing Primer Abundant by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: After the row with my mum when she stopped speaking to me, I found out she was pregnant again. It broke my heart that I would have a little brother or sister that I would never get to see.Never get to hold or show them how much I loved them. When she was born I found out her name from friends and family who speak to my brothers. She was called Maiya. It hurt me so much not to be able to buy her teddy bear or outfits to welcome her to the world. I saw a couple of pictures of her on one of my brothers Facebook acount, and it felt like my heart was broken. To look and not be able to touch. As time went on I accepted it and tried to move on. Then one day something amazing happened the kids came and knocked on the door on their way home from school. I was beyond thrilled to see them and couldn’t wait to hear all of the things they wanted to tell me. But I worried about what would happen if my mum ever found out they had been here. They came a few times and then the visits stopped. I had accepted that might happen, but my heart still broke a little more. One day my sisters knocked on the door. They had bought my baby brother Daniel with them. They were supposed to be taking him to the park.Then another day they came and brought me the greatest gift I have ever received. They bought Daniel and my baby sister Maiya with them. I almost had to pinch myself,because I couldn’t believe that she was right there in front of me and I could see her and hold her for the first time. It amazed me that she has never met me yet she was more than happy for me to pick her up. Perfectly content to sit on my lap and even managed to give me a few smiles. I took photographs of her and Daniel until my batteries ran out. I would love to scrap them all because they are so precious to me but The risk of someone seeing them and telling my mum just isn’t worth it to me. I couldn’t bear to think of what the girls would go through. They risked so much by making the choiceto come here and bring the kids to see me. I truly appreciate it more than they will ever know. It made me feel so special that they thought I was worth the risk. It gives me hope for a future with them in it.

I will add the enabling tomorrow but for now I will leave you with the product ads linked to the products.
Here's the one for the grab bag (image is linked)


Here's the one for the charity kit (image is linked)

Giving you fair warning

This post will not contain any photographs, layouts or other generally nice things to look at is is purely a rant before I smack a massive hole in the nearest wall or my head explodes. Please don't feel obliged to read/comment I just need somewhere to vent!
Now that I have that out of the way let the moaning commence. Do you remember I mentioned that I have been sick, well I have now gotten used to the pain in my ears and it's bearable unless I move wrong or sneeze. I have the added complication of getting the same problem I get every time I take the antibiotics I was given (no I am not sharing details because that really would be way TMI). So that problem required another visit to the doctors yesterday. Now I seem to be coming down with another virus because my throat is swollen I have a killer headache that is completely different to the headaches or migraines I am used to, I ache absolutely everywhere and have a fever. I kind of alternate between shivering and sweating it's great fun. Yes that was sarcasm at it's best it truly sucks but anyway I can deal with being ill, I'm used to it. Feeling like crap is not a new concept, more like I'm ill again big whoop! So what pushes being ill across the line from bearable or tolerating to complete mummy meltdown and ready to smash things that would be a combination of Nan and my husband. Guaranteed to drive even the sanest of person round the bend (but I am not entirely sane and rational to begin with am I lol). So since it feels like I am living in a war zone let me try and explain it in those terms for you. Here goes.

In the red corner, possessing the qualities of not listening to a word anyone says, repeating the same complaints over and over again and being of the opinion she is right about absolutely everything and everyone else is completely thick. Secret weapons include, raised voice, amateur dramatics, tears and the death stare - Nan.

In the blue corner, possessing the qualities of being able to waste hours staring at the television, ignoring every word spoken to him, refusing to answer anyone and being incapable of doing absolutely anything without being told at least a million times. Secret weapons include stinky socks, endless sport and grunting. - Mark.

Put them together and you live in my house, I am sick of hearing one whinging about the other one. I am sick of saying the words if you asked Mark to do it why are you telling me about it. I am sick of saying the words, if Nan asked you to do it why haven't you. I am sick of repeating myself to everyone. I am sick of hearing the words "I'm so ill" whenever I ask Nan why she hasn't called this person or that person to sort out what she is endlessly whining about. I am sick of hearing the words "I'm going to my dad's to do washing" before Mark goes off and spends the whole day there and then the following day either has to go and do more or pick up stuff that wasn't dry. Actually I am just sick and desperate to climb into my bed and be left alone. Desperate for a few hours of not listening to either of them or Lukas who seems to be whinging constantly or having meltdowns I have reached my breaking point and right now I am clinging on to the tiny piece of sanity I have left and wishing they would all just go to hell or at least lose their voices lol. They are very depressing, I don't feel like listening to a normal conversation yet somewhere along the line I became mediator, moderator and little miss fix it all. My mojo is completely gone thanks in part to feeling ill and in bigger part to the chaos in this house. We go away in 8 days time and I have even reached the point where I am no longer looking forward to it. I feel really rough and just wish they would give it a rest so maybe I could grab a little rest of my own. I could cope with being ill if they would pack it in for a little while. I could cope with their crap if I could stop feeling ill for a little while. I have to get everything ready and packed, and I can't do it while all this is going on. Maybe I should just bang their heads together if nothing else I might get some satisfaction from doing it lol. I feel a bit happier now I have got that off my chest thanks for listening. I am now off to find some more painkillers and plead with Lukas to go to sleep so I can join him. Mark is at work, Nan's watching tv so at least that issue is solved for a while. Will probably be back tomorrow, I have a layout from a couple of days ago to share.

It's been a long night

I am still sick, and I am really getting fed up with it. Antibiotics should be done with in the next day or so then I can make another doctors appointment and hopefully find some way to feel better before we go away. I have been asleep nearly all day, Mark cleaned some up the room while I was asleep so that was nice to wake up to. Lukas has been busy playing on the computer, I am usually doing stuff on it so he doesn't just get to play very often. I made a deal with him that if he sleeps in his own room he can earn 1 hour computer time every day after school. It was nice to hear when I woke up that he went into his bedroom with no fuss and went straight to sleep. Last night I got up to check my emails before I went back to sleep and saw that Chrissy had a new kit coming out today and I couldn't resist having a play with it. Then despite chatting with Chrissy on Yahoo and telling her I was going to bed, I got inspired to create a second layout lol. So I never ended up going to bed. I have even got dressed. I am going to try and stay up all day and then sleep tonight. I have lots to get done and at least it keeps my mind off the pain and feeling sick. So do you want to see the layouts? (You do know it's not really a question don't you, because I am going to show you them whether you want to see them or not lol).


Credits: Layered template ({Still} Mixin' It Up Rectangle, Template 1) and My Dog Lucky Bum by Chrissy W. Fonts are FO-Textura and FO-Textura Traced both by Fontologie.

Quotes reads: “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness, forgot little puppies” Gene Hill.

Enabling: {Still} Mixin' It Up Rectangle Templates and My Dog Lucky Bum by Chrissy W available here and here and FO Textura and FO Textura Traced Fonts by Fontologie available in this pack.


Credits: Layered template (McTurtle'icious Rectangle, Template 2) and My Dog Lucky Bum by Chrissy W and Eclectic Needs Variety Basic Straight Stitching by Jessica Bolton. Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling reads: You love all of your toys, but some of them are a little bit more special than others. You called this one “Leo Doggy”. We bought him when Leo was in NICU, to watch over him and keep him safe. When Leo died they gave him back to me and you asked if you could have him. We gave him a wash to get rid of the nasty hospital smell and then he was all yours. You carry him almost everywhere. You have cried many tears into his fur but you always seem to be happier and more confident when you know it’s close by. I think it’s because he makes you feel like Leo is always close by watching over you and keeping you safe Ths little doggy helps you to never forget him.

Enabling: McTurtle'icious Rectangle Templates and My Dog Lucky Bum by Chrissy W available here and here,Eclectic Needs Variety Basic Straight Stitching by Jessica Bolton available here and DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin available here.

Hopefully back later with some more layouts.

So as you can see

I went back and added the enabling to the previous post but I haven't gotten around to doing the older posts I will try and get it done tomorrow. I do have 2 more brag book layouts for the Brag Book Challenge at Scrapbook Graphics hosted by WendyZine Scraps to share with you though.

Credits: Layered template (March, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps, Funky Junky Spring contributions by Michelle Godin and Rachel Young, Spring Posh by Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Citrus Sugar Styles by Carol Abram (recoloured) Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: When I told you we were having an Egg Hunt for Easter, you were really excited. Originally I planned to hold it outside but thanks to the bad weather we were forced inside. I thought it would take you a little while to find all of the eggs and then you would enjoy eating the chocolate. I was wrong on both counts you were super quick and had no interest in anything except doing it again and again. I guess it was more fun than I thought it would be for you.

Enabling: Spring Posh by Royanna Lea Fritschmann available here and FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie available here. Citrus Sugar Styles by Carol Abram are now retired.Funky Junky Spring Fling was a collaboration between Michelle Godin, Kate Hadfield and Rachel Young, it's now been split into individual mini kits or seperate paper and elements. Michelle Godin is at Scrapbook Graphics papers and elements, Kate Hadfield is at The Lily Pad but her parts appear to be retired and Rachel Young is now at ScrapArtist which is currently down for maintenance so unsure if she has her parts available. If you want the templates you have to do the week one challenge in order to receive the week 2 templates.

Credits: Layered template (April, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps and Apartment D by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: When I took these photos you were waiting impatiently for Gary and Ella to come pick you up. You were off out to see CBeebies Live. It was pouring down outside but that never dampens your spirit. I can’t believe you are grown up enough to go out without me now!

Enabling: Apartment D by Megan Farrow (Flergs) available here and FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie available here. If you want the templates you have to do the week one challenge in order to receive the week 2 templates.

The layouts

There are 10 of them in total. Just incase you are wondering why I haven't shared any layouts for Sweet Shoppe Designs challenges this month, it's because we are going away again at the end of the month. I am trying really hard not to buy anything this month so my bank account is in credit when we go lol. I also know that even if I earned the 40% off coupon this month I probably wouldn't be able to use it lol. So this month I am concentrating on CT Assignments so they will forgive me for skiving off on holiday again lol. So most of these were not created for any special challenge or reason. They are either using CT stuff I haven't got around to using before or just old stuff I have bought but never got around to using. I'm working really hard on trying to get organised as well. Now on with the layout sharing.

The first one I have to show you was created after I was sorting through some stuff and came across this photograph of Lukas. I tried a lot of different photoshop actions and lightroom presets on it but eventually decided to just use it as it was.

Credits: Layered template (Gotcha Cornered Rectangle, Template 1) by Chrissy W and Lil' Miss Retro by Digital Reality Bytes - Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Laura White (Princess Lala). Font is FO Printer Primer Abundant by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: I have told you your birth story before, but I have never told you about the 1st time I got to hold you. You were in an incubator and every day we asked if we could hold you, and every day we were told no. There were different reasons all the time but the answer was always the same. It hurt my heart that I couldn’t pick you up and hold you close to me. When you were about a week old Grandma Betty came down for a visit and Nannie Donna took her to the hospital to see you. Mummy and Daddy were not there and the nurse looking after you got you out so they could hold you. When I found out I was so mad I could have happily punched her. It broke my heart that I wasn’t the 1st one to hold you. I asked to get you out again and she said no, you had been handled too much today already. When the shifts changed over they took you out to weigh you and change your bedding. Laying in the freezing cold scales in just a nappy, you started to cry. My mummy instinct kicked in and without even thinking about it I reached down and picked you up. I held you close to my heart and you stopped crying straight away. You can’t see it very well in the photo but you grabbed hold of my top and wouldn’t let go. That was the moment I knew, my heart no longer belonged to me, it was completely and utterly yours.

Enabling: Gotcha Cornered Rectangle Templates by Chrissy W available here, Lil' Miss Retro by Digital Reality Bytes available here and FO Printer Primer Abundant by Fontologie available here.

The second one was created after I stumbled across the wordart in a kit lol. I knew I had this photograph of Ella somewhere. I originally started scrapping it with the kit the wordart came in but it wasn't working for me so I changed my mind and went with something a little different.

Credits: Layered template (With This Ring, Template 2) by Chrissy W, Hugs Kisses -n- Cupcakes by Laura White and Sparkler N Pop by Digital Reality Bytes - Royanna Lea Fritschmann and Laura White (Princess Lala). Font is FO Weathered In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Ella Playing with the sparklers 3-11-2006

Enabling: With This Ring Templates by Chrissy W available here, Sparkler N Pop by Digital Reality Bytes available here and FO Weathered In Between by Fontologie available here. I can't seem to find Hugs Kisses -N- Cupcakes by Laura White at Divine Digital right now.

The third one was created with pictures I took on our last trip to Chessington. It was a lot if fun to make unless you include lining up all of those sequins they were a pain in the backside lol but I think the end result makes it worth while.

Credits: Layered template (With This Ring, Template 3) by Chrissy W and Corgen by Laura White (Princess Lala). Font is FO Howie's Stamps Lowfat by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Lukas and Mark on the Bubbleworks ride 28th September 08.

Enabling: With This Ring Templates by Chrissy W available here, FO Howie's Stamps Lowfat by Fontologie available here. I can't seem to find Corgen by Laura White at Divine Digital right now.

The fourth one was inspired by the photographs. When we went away last I asked Lisa if I could borrow her camera card, she said that I could and said if there is anything on it just delete it, it will only have been from the kids messing around. Well I don't like deleting photographs so I copied them into a file called Lisa's SD card. When I looked through them there were some really cute ones so I am going to print them out fr=or Lisa when I get around to it. I was really glad I hadn't just deleted everything like she told me to. I think this one turned out really cute.

Credits: Layered template (With This Ring, Template 4) by Chrissy W and Urban Princess by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Font is FO Weathered In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Ella~The tacky toy queen.

Enabling: With This Ring Templates by Chrissy W available here, Urban Princess by Royanna Lea Fritschmann available here and FO Weathered In Between by Fontologie available here.

The next 2 were created for the Brag Book Challenge at Scrapbook Graphics hosted by WendyZine Scraps. These will eventually go into Lukas's own little 4x6 photo album.

Credits: Layered template (January, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps and Brighten Up Winter by Jessica Bolton. Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: I took these photos while we were walking home from school together, The first one was when I said no to going to the park, the second was when you were crouching down and jumping up at me and the third one was outside the front door. Even something as simple as walking is more fun with you around.

Enabling: Brighten Up Winter by Jessica Bolton available here and FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie available here. Templates available free as part of the challenge here.

Credits: Layered template (February, Right Side) by WendyZine Scraps and Eclectic Needs Variety Basic Straight Stitching and A Pastiche For The Boys Collection by Jessica Bolton. Font is FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: Ever since you were a baby I have loved to watch you sleep. Seeing you look so peaceful and content makes me happy. Plus there’s always the entertainment I get from watching the many different positions you get yourself into. Even when you are sound asleep you can’t just be still.

Enabling: Eclectic Needs Variety Basic Straight Stitching and A Pastiche For The Boys Collection by Jessica Bolton available here and here and FO Printing Primer In Between by Fontologie available here. Templates available free as part of the challenge here.

The seventh one was a CT Assignment from Royanna. But it's a Halloween kit and I had nothing suitable so I did something I do quite a lot I found a completely out of the box use for the kit by using it for some photos from our trip to the museum. As you can tell I am really enjoying creating rectangle layouts lately. The irony is that the other page (You can see that one in this post it's the third one down) I did about the same trip (different photos) used the same template but in the square version lol. I may end up remaking it as a rectangle one though.

Credits: Layered template (AD it up rectangle, template 4) by Chrissy W and Frankly Speaking by Royanna Lea Fritschmann. Fonts are FO Textura and FO Textura Traced both by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: We are very lucky to live in a city where there are quite a few museums including the oxford university museum of natural history and the pitt rivers which just happen to be in the same building. When we visited this time we decided to stay downstairs. This museum is very child friendly, we were able to touch fossils and stroke some of the animal models. But the best part was the dinosaur bones. There are many different bones to look at some in glass cases but there are also some skeletons on display. Most of the bones featured were found here in oxfordshire. This skeleton on display is a of a dinosuar called a Struthiomimus. The other photographs are of some of the models of dinosaurs on display but I can’t remember exactly what they were. I forgot to photograph their signs. One of our favourite displays was the baby dinosaur but because it moved and made noise we chose to video it instead of trying to take photographs. There were so many other things to look at apart from the dinosaurs. But because we were not very well that day we chose to concentrate on them. It was a lot of fun and we learnt a lot, just by wondering around.

Enabling: AD It Up Rectangle Templates by Chrissy W available here, Frankly Speaking by Royanna Lea Fritschmann available here and FO Textura and FO Textura Traced both by Fontologie are available in this pack.

The next two were both created for Chrissy's latest template challenge and really couldn't be more different. The Square Version is a very masculine page about Lukas's 1st day back at school. The Rectangle one is a very feminine one about the 1st time we saw Ruby standing up on her own. I'm not sure which one I like best lol.

Credits: Layered template (Template Challenge 7) and Favourite Place by Chrissy W. Fonts are FO Uptown Girl Lowfat and FO Printing Primer Abundant both by Fontologie.

Journalling reads: All through the summer holidays you talked about being in your new class in September. You were excited about having a new classroom and a brand new teacher. But during the school holidays you got really sick. We ended up having to take you to the doctors. He gave you some bright orange medicine to take and referred you to the hospital for a check up. You were such a good boy about taking all of your medicine and when the day came for your hospital appointment you were really well behaved even though we had a long wait to be seen. Finally the day came when you got to start in your new class. You were thrilled that you were going to get to see all of your friends and learn new things. You were really hard to get dressed and ready for school because you were so excited. When you were all dressed, it was time for mummy’s favourite part - taking your 1st day of school photos. For the first time ever you were smiling, and happy to let me click, click and click some more. It’s not really easy to take photos of a little boy squirming because he just can’t wait to get going. But we had a lot of fun and even got some decent photos. I can’t begin to tell you how happy it made me to see you so excited and happy about your first day of school. I hope that you have a nice teacher and enjoy this year as much as you have enjoyed the other two. Wednesday 10th September. Starting Year Two.

Enabling: Favourite Place by Chrissy W available here and FO Uptown Girl Lowfat and FO Printing Primer Abundant both by Fontologie are available here and here. You can download the template from Chrissy's Blog here.

Credits: Layered template (Template Challenge 7 Rectangle) and Paper Cutters (Huge Scallop With Holes Rectangle Paper) by Chrissy W, BFF 4 Life by Chrissy W and Angie Kovacs, Stitched Stems by Natalie Braxton (recoloured), Wordart by Batina and Glitter Styles by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is Fiolex Princess.

Journalling reads: Ruby standing up all by herself 31st August 2008.

Enabling: Paper Cutters by Chrissy W available here, BFF 4 Life by Chrissy W and Angie Kovacs available here, Stitched Stems by Natalie Braxton available here. You can download the template from Chrissy's Blog here. The wordart by Batina was a freebie but I am not sure where from and the Glitter Styles were a pevious freebie on Megan's blog but she has lots for sale in her store.

The last one I have to share today was created for the Digi-Dare #104. It's hard to believe that it's been going for 2 years. It's a really great source of inspiration unfortunately it falls into the category of things I mean to do but rarely get around to doing. I had the added incentive this time of a free kit for taking part. I didn't realise until I finished that the template I used is actually no longer for sale. It got replaced with a different one in the set. But I do love the end result.

Credits: Layered template (The Two Of Us, Template 2 this one has now been retired from the set) by Chrissy W, Beauty Resides Within by Royanna Lea Fritschmann, Layered Edges 6 by Amy Hutchinson, Roses Border by Designing On The Edge, Bow Buddies by Metalmama, The Write Stuff by Misty Cato and Darcy Baldwin, My Favourite Colour Is Ribbon Stuff by Tracey Lee and Glitter Styles by Megan Farrow (Flergs). Font is DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin.

Journalling on tag reads: On this day 2 years ago I sat and wrote this blog post. Reading it back I remember exactly how close I was to calling the whole thing off. I was just so sick of it all. When I wrote that I never thought none of it would end up mattering, because my mum wouldn't even be at my wedding. I never considered the possibility that 2 years later she still wouldn't have spoken a word to me. or that during that time I would become a big sister again, to a baby I was never going to get to see. I won’t deny it, there have been many times since we got married when I have wished I had made the decision to call it all off. We have had so many problems and arguments, we even seperated for a while. But so many things have changed, including me. We have learn’t so much about each other and we have worked hard on our marriage. It hasn't been easy, there have been a lot of low points. Mark losing his mum being one of the worst but I have finally reached the point, where I can put my hand on my heart, and honestly say, I know I made the right choice. For the first time in my life I feel like I belong somewhere. I feel like I have people who care about me and love me just for being me. I am happier now than I have ever been before. I don't miss my mum at all, not the nagging or the criticising, the smoking or the shouting. I miss my brothers and sisters with all my heart, but still I know that I made the choice I needed to make. I am right where I need to be, with my husband and my son. None of us know what the next two years will bring, but we are ready for anything as long as we are together as a family.
Journalling on main block is a copy of my blog post here

Enabling: Beauty Resides Within Papers by Royanna Lea Fritschmann available here,
Roses Border by Designing On The Edge available here (linked in sidebar), The Write Stuff by Misty Cato and Darcy Baldwin available here, My Favourite Colour Is Ribbon Stuff by Tracey Lee available here and DJB Nicole by Darcy Baldwin available here. Layered Edges 6 by Amy Hutchinson, Bow Buddies by Metalmama and Chrissy's template are all retired sorry.

Right now I am too restless to sleep so I am off to listen to the new album I just picked up on Itunes and do some organizing in ACDSee I just don't feel like scrapping tonight.