I have been very very busy getting stuff ready for my wedding.
I am absolutely ecstatic today, I have won the dress I wanted from ebay.
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=018&item=280030187265&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMEWA%3AIT&rd=1
if you want to take a look.
I have shoes,handbag,tiara,underwear.
I have favours (is there a u in that?) sorted and bubbles for my table.
Registry office will be paid for in full on Tuesday.
Mark has a waistcoat, Lukas has a waistcoat, Karl doesn't want one.
Apparently we have a photographer sorted but I want to confirm everything with my brother (since he is sorting that out) before I get excited.
Now we have to sort out a disco and a few other small parts.Then thats it our wedding is organised.
My mum has been quite helpful and that makes things so much easier.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
TMI Alert
So from the title you were warned. lol
Last night I did do a pregnancy test and the result was negative, which I have to admit I was very relieved about. Although admitedly a little sad about today.
So after a sleepless night last night and some restless sleep today, I have come to a decision. Love is a blessing and a curse. I love Mark with all my heart and soul and right now I don't feel leaving him is the right option. I intend on going through with the wedding and helping Mark to work on the issues.
So maybe I was over-reacting and being a drama queen last night but seeing pornographic images of rape on our computer made my blood run cold. I have been on the other side of it and the idea that someone especially Mark would enjoy watching that made me feel sick.
I will admit last night there was a part of me that wished I followed some sort of religion, that I was more than willing to have got down and asked for a little divine help. But that would make me a complete hypocrite, I dont think its right to believe in a god as and when it suits you.
So today when I got up it suddenly dawned on me that maybe I should ask Mark what I wanted to know which was Why? I know in my heart he would never be capable of doing something like that he could never hurt me. I know he loves me, when that dawned on me im not sure. It could have been when I saw Mark sitting on the floor sobbing a complete wreck, he's lost himself somewhere and I know hes confused because he doesn't know how it happened or how to fix it. It could have been as I laid next to him in our bed this morning sleeping peacefully how innocent and fragile he looked.
As I tried to ask him why and the words wouldn't come I realised I didn't need to know why. Because whatever the reason(s) knowing them wouldn't help me move on. But they could have made me more confused.
Course of action from here on in is to work on our trust, talk lots and love each other. Make an appointment with Mark for the doctors. Then just take everything one day at a time.
Last night I did do a pregnancy test and the result was negative, which I have to admit I was very relieved about. Although admitedly a little sad about today.
So after a sleepless night last night and some restless sleep today, I have come to a decision. Love is a blessing and a curse. I love Mark with all my heart and soul and right now I don't feel leaving him is the right option. I intend on going through with the wedding and helping Mark to work on the issues.
So maybe I was over-reacting and being a drama queen last night but seeing pornographic images of rape on our computer made my blood run cold. I have been on the other side of it and the idea that someone especially Mark would enjoy watching that made me feel sick.
I will admit last night there was a part of me that wished I followed some sort of religion, that I was more than willing to have got down and asked for a little divine help. But that would make me a complete hypocrite, I dont think its right to believe in a god as and when it suits you.
So today when I got up it suddenly dawned on me that maybe I should ask Mark what I wanted to know which was Why? I know in my heart he would never be capable of doing something like that he could never hurt me. I know he loves me, when that dawned on me im not sure. It could have been when I saw Mark sitting on the floor sobbing a complete wreck, he's lost himself somewhere and I know hes confused because he doesn't know how it happened or how to fix it. It could have been as I laid next to him in our bed this morning sleeping peacefully how innocent and fragile he looked.
As I tried to ask him why and the words wouldn't come I realised I didn't need to know why. Because whatever the reason(s) knowing them wouldn't help me move on. But they could have made me more confused.
Course of action from here on in is to work on our trust, talk lots and love each other. Make an appointment with Mark for the doctors. Then just take everything one day at a time.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
ramblings of an overloaded mind
When theres problems in life the gut instinct is to run to your friends. But what about when the stuff you need to talk about is caused by your best friend. When its something you cant discuss with just anyone where do you run then? How do you give enough details to convey the problem without airing parts you are ashamed of the parts that make you feel sick.
So lets go for a huge all in vent and try and clear my head enough to function I will start with the stuff I want to shout about and hopefully I will get myself so worked up the other stuff will come spilling out.
Yesterday after another night of insomnia I got home from Nans about 7pm and went to bed. I hadn't bathed Lukas, fed him or anything I was just too exhausted to care. I knew Mark would be home soon and he would take care of it. I slept through until I was rudely awaken this morning, because we had an appointment to go to - Declaring our intent to marry at the registry office.
Now the people who are reading this know me well enough to know that
1. I don't do mornings. The only time I am ever out of bed before middayish is when I haven't been to bed the night before.
2. I don't do punctual. Its a running joke I will be late to my own funeral.
So the shock of me being at the registry office at 8:30am for a 9am appointment may very well kill my friends off, lol.
They asked us all the legal questions are you free to marry,blah blah blah. Yes Yes Yes etc.
As I sat that it dawned on me that even though I wasn't really into the idea of marriage I was actually commiting to spend the rest of my life with Mark. The reservations and doubts hadn't been strong enough to make me back out of doing it. As I signed that form in front of me I will admit I felt like it wasn't me doing it, like I was watching someone else sign my life away.
Things started getting complicated when the registrar asked what name we would be taking. I scowled at her and told her it was a sore point lol. I hate the idea of giving up my name, because I feel like I would be signing a piece of myself away. I would become his property Mrs Charlett not Crystal anymore. Bizarre I know but thats me all over. The registrar was very understanding and said it didn't matter she didn't need to know today. When we stepped outside Mark through me for a complete loop with the simple comment "would it make you happy if I changed my name for you". Huh that wasn't in the blueprints. There was no warning of that one coming. I was bloody shocked senseless and just stood there staring at him like he was some crazy person.
We got home I went to bed. Lately I am just shattered all the time. I feel sick and just generally shit shall I make it better - I'm late. Being pregnant now would obviously make perfect sense since its at the very least damn inconvienient lol but as we all know babies come when babies feel like coming and if its bad for you its good for them.Shall we explore that opinion.I fell pregnant with Lukas after being raped whilst at work, we didn't and still don't know if Lukas is Marks we just decided it didn't matter. If he is that other persons (damn I shudder calling him that) thats TS because Marks on his birth certificate as his daddy because to us he is. So technically thats fraud or lying by omission by I dont give a crap.
I fell pregnant with Leo when me and Mark were fighting and had split up. Because I thought (although never proved) he was screwing around with a slapper from work.I found out I was pregnant with Leo a few days after I had poured vodka all over Mark clothes and threatened to set fire to them. I had also chopped up all his socks and pants.I never claimed to be normal lol
The first and second miscarriages came when we had a settled (well for us anyway lol) relationship. When the timing was great for us and they were more desired than anything.
So anyway switching back to the being asleep thing. When I woke up, Mark was out fixing Beckys computer. (Becky is his brothers ex girlfriend). I turned my machine on and something wasn't right I had an internet connection but no webpages were loading. I was annoyed but just switched on the laptop to use the internet on that. When Mark got back he said oh no worries its easy to fix that. Please note at this point we have already restored this machine to factory defaults this week because it was being so slow. So he goes to do it and we get an error message first thought oh shit. Error urges us to restart tried that double shit we now have an error and the machine wont turn on. Think no big deal Dell can repair it have back ups of everything.Then I start trying to load all my vital programs onto laptop to use until my baby is fixed. Can you guess what happened next? Well it doesn't take rocket science to work out that a simple error means I dont have the damn backups of my photos. The error being I moved not copied files across onto other machine. So I was devastated I thought I had lost every one of my photos. My rubbish filing system came to my rescue though. I have only lost all Nans photos, and the most recent ones unless Dell can restore them. I was calm enough because at least my pictures of Leo were safe. Until the laptop did the same thing suddenly refused to load webpages.
My first reaction was of annoyance, I just thought never mind I will back up the stuff on here and restore that one. No big deal. Thats where my biggest problem started. When looking through the My Documents to make sure there was nothing important to back up I found some stuff I wasn't expecting. I thought by the time I got to this point I would be ready to talk, but I don't think I am. Lets just say it was content I sure as hell wasn't expecting to see Mark had. I have a few secrets the only one that knows all the small details of my life is Mark. He's my best friend and I have shared so much with him. I never thought the things which have had the worst impacts on my life would be things he would want to watch for pleasure. Im so confused and messed up right now. I dont really know what to do or where to turn.One of my instincts tells me to grab Lukas and run. Not to stop running until I am far far away from here. Another part drives me crazy telling me that I love him. Im scared now that things I told Mark from my past excited him. I don't know who he is anymore. The person I love (or should that be loved) respected and trusted is not the person I thought he was. I feel sick to the stomach. I have been crying a lot.What if I am pregnant then where do I go from here, even if I am not its still a lot to think about. Mark says he doesn't remember downloading the stuff, doesn't remember watching it. I actually believe him because he has forgotten loads of stuff since he became depressed.He says he will get help, I just don't know if I have the strength to help him fix the problems or even if I want to help him. But just getting some of it off my chest has made me feel so much better. Now I am off to do a pregnancy test maybe that will help clear some things up - knowing my luck it will just complicate things further.
So lets go for a huge all in vent and try and clear my head enough to function I will start with the stuff I want to shout about and hopefully I will get myself so worked up the other stuff will come spilling out.
Yesterday after another night of insomnia I got home from Nans about 7pm and went to bed. I hadn't bathed Lukas, fed him or anything I was just too exhausted to care. I knew Mark would be home soon and he would take care of it. I slept through until I was rudely awaken this morning, because we had an appointment to go to - Declaring our intent to marry at the registry office.
Now the people who are reading this know me well enough to know that
1. I don't do mornings. The only time I am ever out of bed before middayish is when I haven't been to bed the night before.
2. I don't do punctual. Its a running joke I will be late to my own funeral.
So the shock of me being at the registry office at 8:30am for a 9am appointment may very well kill my friends off, lol.
They asked us all the legal questions are you free to marry,blah blah blah. Yes Yes Yes etc.
As I sat that it dawned on me that even though I wasn't really into the idea of marriage I was actually commiting to spend the rest of my life with Mark. The reservations and doubts hadn't been strong enough to make me back out of doing it. As I signed that form in front of me I will admit I felt like it wasn't me doing it, like I was watching someone else sign my life away.
Things started getting complicated when the registrar asked what name we would be taking. I scowled at her and told her it was a sore point lol. I hate the idea of giving up my name, because I feel like I would be signing a piece of myself away. I would become his property Mrs Charlett not Crystal anymore. Bizarre I know but thats me all over. The registrar was very understanding and said it didn't matter she didn't need to know today. When we stepped outside Mark through me for a complete loop with the simple comment "would it make you happy if I changed my name for you". Huh that wasn't in the blueprints. There was no warning of that one coming. I was bloody shocked senseless and just stood there staring at him like he was some crazy person.
We got home I went to bed. Lately I am just shattered all the time. I feel sick and just generally shit shall I make it better - I'm late. Being pregnant now would obviously make perfect sense since its at the very least damn inconvienient lol but as we all know babies come when babies feel like coming and if its bad for you its good for them.Shall we explore that opinion.I fell pregnant with Lukas after being raped whilst at work, we didn't and still don't know if Lukas is Marks we just decided it didn't matter. If he is that other persons (damn I shudder calling him that) thats TS because Marks on his birth certificate as his daddy because to us he is. So technically thats fraud or lying by omission by I dont give a crap.
I fell pregnant with Leo when me and Mark were fighting and had split up. Because I thought (although never proved) he was screwing around with a slapper from work.I found out I was pregnant with Leo a few days after I had poured vodka all over Mark clothes and threatened to set fire to them. I had also chopped up all his socks and pants.I never claimed to be normal lol
The first and second miscarriages came when we had a settled (well for us anyway lol) relationship. When the timing was great for us and they were more desired than anything.
So anyway switching back to the being asleep thing. When I woke up, Mark was out fixing Beckys computer. (Becky is his brothers ex girlfriend). I turned my machine on and something wasn't right I had an internet connection but no webpages were loading. I was annoyed but just switched on the laptop to use the internet on that. When Mark got back he said oh no worries its easy to fix that. Please note at this point we have already restored this machine to factory defaults this week because it was being so slow. So he goes to do it and we get an error message first thought oh shit. Error urges us to restart tried that double shit we now have an error and the machine wont turn on. Think no big deal Dell can repair it have back ups of everything.Then I start trying to load all my vital programs onto laptop to use until my baby is fixed. Can you guess what happened next? Well it doesn't take rocket science to work out that a simple error means I dont have the damn backups of my photos. The error being I moved not copied files across onto other machine. So I was devastated I thought I had lost every one of my photos. My rubbish filing system came to my rescue though. I have only lost all Nans photos, and the most recent ones unless Dell can restore them. I was calm enough because at least my pictures of Leo were safe. Until the laptop did the same thing suddenly refused to load webpages.
My first reaction was of annoyance, I just thought never mind I will back up the stuff on here and restore that one. No big deal. Thats where my biggest problem started. When looking through the My Documents to make sure there was nothing important to back up I found some stuff I wasn't expecting. I thought by the time I got to this point I would be ready to talk, but I don't think I am. Lets just say it was content I sure as hell wasn't expecting to see Mark had. I have a few secrets the only one that knows all the small details of my life is Mark. He's my best friend and I have shared so much with him. I never thought the things which have had the worst impacts on my life would be things he would want to watch for pleasure. Im so confused and messed up right now. I dont really know what to do or where to turn.One of my instincts tells me to grab Lukas and run. Not to stop running until I am far far away from here. Another part drives me crazy telling me that I love him. Im scared now that things I told Mark from my past excited him. I don't know who he is anymore. The person I love (or should that be loved) respected and trusted is not the person I thought he was. I feel sick to the stomach. I have been crying a lot.What if I am pregnant then where do I go from here, even if I am not its still a lot to think about. Mark says he doesn't remember downloading the stuff, doesn't remember watching it. I actually believe him because he has forgotten loads of stuff since he became depressed.He says he will get help, I just don't know if I have the strength to help him fix the problems or even if I want to help him. But just getting some of it off my chest has made me feel so much better. Now I am off to do a pregnancy test maybe that will help clear some things up - knowing my luck it will just complicate things further.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Let the moaning recommence
Remember how I said I had nothing to moan about today I do.
Lets start with Royal Mail and post in general. I received a letter today stating they would be stopping my child benefit for Lukas because I hadn't filled in a form. I hadn't received the stupid thing in the first place. So the poor man on the other end of the phone got an earful, but I got my money back lol. I also had a letter from the bank because I went £3.33 over my overdraft - with spending they authorised I may add they have charged me £30 *sigh* I hate banks and I would swear 90% of the time they allow the money to be spent so they can charge me grrr.
The other letter I received today was saying that my magazine subscription that the bank authorised had been returned due to lack of funds whats the betting theres a charge for that as well.
Now we can move onto another pet hate of mine - Lukas's nursery.
You may recall my issue with them last term was Lukas's teacher aka the hound from hell. Today I have a new issue and it boils down to them trying to tell me how to be a parent.
On Lukas's first day we took him together, with two changes of clothes in his bag, made a point of telling the teachers this is Lukas, this is Lukas's bag his clothes are in there.
Lukas came home in a pair of their pants and trousers not because he had used his but because apparently "none were supplied for him". Lukas was ill after that came out in a rash I bit my tongue and said nothing. When he went back after being ill Mark picked him up and the teacher had a go at Mark because Lukas can't dress himself. He can he just needs a little help can't do buttons,socks etc. I still said nothing even though I was annoyed.Next session Mark picked him up again this time they were moaning because Lukas cant write his name without help hes only just 4 and I dont really think that is an issue. He will get there eventually. He's been off ill again etc and today what they said has made me furious. Note this stuff always gets said to Mark they dont dare say it to me, "You, have an extremely overweight lazy child, he needs some serious exercise". Lukas was a premature baby and I have taken him to the Doctors more times than I can count because he has no energy - just like his mum. As a child I was severly anaemic to the point of having weekly iron injections and iron tablets 3 times a day. They are looking into whether Lukas has the same problem. When we took him for his check etc they said he was large for his age. Asked for a food diary and were shocked at how little he actually eats. When I registered Lukas I told them about all this. I warned them that some days he cant do anything because he is so tired. I think saying that was damn rude and insensitive. I will be taking him to school tomorrow and I very much doubt I will be able to hold my tongue. The other thing about school today that annoyed me is he has homework! HE'S 4!!. Also has a letter saying they are taking them weekly to something called Forest School think mud and outdoor activities. Lukas despises mud and dirt. I have to pay for the priveledge of making him do something he will hate. Great and it gets better they require Parent Volunteers. I would rather eat my own head but I guarantee I will get guilted into it just like I always do, if not I am willing to bet Lukas will do his usual - Mummy can do it.
GRRRRRRRR I need chocolate, then I have more tidying up to do *sigh*
Lets start with Royal Mail and post in general. I received a letter today stating they would be stopping my child benefit for Lukas because I hadn't filled in a form. I hadn't received the stupid thing in the first place. So the poor man on the other end of the phone got an earful, but I got my money back lol. I also had a letter from the bank because I went £3.33 over my overdraft - with spending they authorised I may add they have charged me £30 *sigh* I hate banks and I would swear 90% of the time they allow the money to be spent so they can charge me grrr.
The other letter I received today was saying that my magazine subscription that the bank authorised had been returned due to lack of funds whats the betting theres a charge for that as well.
Now we can move onto another pet hate of mine - Lukas's nursery.
You may recall my issue with them last term was Lukas's teacher aka the hound from hell. Today I have a new issue and it boils down to them trying to tell me how to be a parent.
On Lukas's first day we took him together, with two changes of clothes in his bag, made a point of telling the teachers this is Lukas, this is Lukas's bag his clothes are in there.
Lukas came home in a pair of their pants and trousers not because he had used his but because apparently "none were supplied for him". Lukas was ill after that came out in a rash I bit my tongue and said nothing. When he went back after being ill Mark picked him up and the teacher had a go at Mark because Lukas can't dress himself. He can he just needs a little help can't do buttons,socks etc. I still said nothing even though I was annoyed.Next session Mark picked him up again this time they were moaning because Lukas cant write his name without help hes only just 4 and I dont really think that is an issue. He will get there eventually. He's been off ill again etc and today what they said has made me furious. Note this stuff always gets said to Mark they dont dare say it to me, "You, have an extremely overweight lazy child, he needs some serious exercise". Lukas was a premature baby and I have taken him to the Doctors more times than I can count because he has no energy - just like his mum. As a child I was severly anaemic to the point of having weekly iron injections and iron tablets 3 times a day. They are looking into whether Lukas has the same problem. When we took him for his check etc they said he was large for his age. Asked for a food diary and were shocked at how little he actually eats. When I registered Lukas I told them about all this. I warned them that some days he cant do anything because he is so tired. I think saying that was damn rude and insensitive. I will be taking him to school tomorrow and I very much doubt I will be able to hold my tongue. The other thing about school today that annoyed me is he has homework! HE'S 4!!. Also has a letter saying they are taking them weekly to something called Forest School think mud and outdoor activities. Lukas despises mud and dirt. I have to pay for the priveledge of making him do something he will hate. Great and it gets better they require Parent Volunteers. I would rather eat my own head but I guarantee I will get guilted into it just like I always do, if not I am willing to bet Lukas will do his usual - Mummy can do it.
GRRRRRRRR I need chocolate, then I have more tidying up to do *sigh*
Bad Bad blogger
But blogging seems pointless at the moment because I have nothing to moan about. LOL
So lets try some blog prompts.
06/09/06 The world is a wondrous place. If family, money and a job were not a factor, where would you most like to live? Why? What are the factors, to you, that make a great place to live? What do you like or not like about where you live currently?
I dont care where in the world I am as long as Mark,Nan and Lukas are there. I only need them an internet connection and my computer to make me happy. I am really looking forward to finally moving back to Nans though, thats my ideal home. Soppy today aren't I lol.
07/09/06 What are five ways you can think of (or perhaps have done) that may change the course of someone's life for the better? What small things can you do to make the world a better place?
Five things I think would make the world better, thats a tough question. Lets see well as you can see from my previous post I dont think that enough people pick up the phone and call their friends/family for a chat anymore. I also dont think enough people take the time to really listen to what other people say. I would love to see people taking the time to just be for a while and do something they enjoy. Taking the time thats spent feeling guilty for not doing xxx (insert thing of choice) and using it to have fun would be great. I dont know I cant really think right now. I like to think I make the world a better place by doing these things and telling people they are special to me and appreciated.
08/09/06 How has your scrapbooking (layouts, skills, attitude, likes/dislikes, etc.) changed or evolved since you started? If it hasn’t changed, should it? Has scrapbooking (or its evolution) impacted your life in any way? New friends? New experiences? New attitudes?
OMG where do I start with this one. Without scrapping I wouldn't have the wonderful collection of friends worldwide that I have, I would probably be back on the anti-depressants or lower than that and I definately wouldn't be planning my wedding.
It was working on layouts that let me really explore my feelings and work out how I felt, it helped me deal with the pain of losing Leo. I have found a whole new artistic side to myself. I feel creative and free but most of all useful. This one needs exploring in more depth so I will come back to it.
10/09/06 This weeks question:YOUR FAVOURITE LAYOUTS....If you have to choose two Layouts - one of your own, and one of someone elses that inspires you - what would they be? Its a time to boost you're own ego as well as someone elses!!Post a link or photo of the layouts on your blog with words of praise to youself and those you have chosen.You are worth it!
Will take some thought.
11/09/06 Use a quote that describes your life, your feelings, your fears, or your thoughts. Talk about how it applies to you. A quote can be a proverb, a saying, a line from a song or poem or book, a family saying — whatever is meaningful to you.
A while back the song I have on this blog would have summed me up perfectly Incomplete. Listen to the words and you will see where I was. Now I would be more inclined to chose my favourite song of all time Ronan Keatings Lovin' Each Day. The words for that seem perfect right now "im loving each day as if its the last,dancing all night and having a blast". Ok admitedly it would be more like scrapping/chatting all night but you get my point.
14/09/06 What technology/tools do you use in scrapping and/or your life in general? How has it changed your life? If it were gone tomorrow, how would it affect you? Which of the new technologies/tools do you embrace, or do you treat them as a necessary evil?
Now as a Digi Scrapper thats lost her stash twice I can answer this question without hesitation. If my computer was gone tomorrow I would cry my heart out. I adore my computer without access to my digi stash,my pictures and probably most importanly my internet I go crazy. Everything I love except Lukas,Nan and Mark lives in this computer. I would miss my friends and my creative release. Now emails those are a necessary evil lol. I swear they breed when I am not looking. They seem to multiply from nowhere, except when I am waiting for one and then they get lost in cyberspace. lol
What’s your ‘creative process’? Where do you get your inspiration? How do you like to work (for example, do you like quiet or stimulating music? Does the house have to be tidied first?)? What really gets the juice flowing for you? What do you do if it stops? What inhibits your creativity?
My creative process I will confess that just like the rest of my life its pretty random lol. Sketches are a great source of inspiration for me. But I have been found taking pictures of trees because "it would make a great pattern", Taking a screen shot of my printer screen because "the curve graphics would make a cool accent on a page". I see inspiration everywhere. Pages can start with a picture or with a kit, with a layout in mind or even with the idea of lets just play and see what happens. I like to work to music though when I am writing poetry I prefer silence. Does my house need to be tidy *sniggers* as if lol. I am messy messy messy.If my creativity stops I try something new a tutorial,kit,designer is usually enough to give me the kick up the bum I need. Sometimes my favourite thing to do is scraplift myself take an old layout and redo it maybe in different colours or a different arrangement just to prove to myself I can still scrap.
18/09/06 If you could find out the truth about one thing, what would it be?
I think if I had to choose one thing it would be why Leo died. When the coronor recorded an inconclusive verdict I was hurt,upset and furious. All that time waiting and not knowing and we still didn't know anything. I hated them for performing 2 autopsies for nothing, I hated them for keeping him for so long. I just wanted to know why and they couldn't tell me. I felt cheated by that.
19/09/06 How do you keep up with the ‘latest trends’ in scrapbooking, or do you? What’s your favourite ‘latest trend’ at the moment? Have you tried it yourself? What’s your favourite trend that you DO use a lot?
Right now my favourite digi stash is layered templates, if you haven't seen these yet have you been asleep? These are they next generation of sketches, they aren't flattened so all you do is select you template and your kit>place paper/element above layer you want it to become >press ctrl+g (pse) or ctrl+alt+g (pscs2) and you group the paper to the layer of the template>move the paper to where you want it and press Ctrl+e to merge them together.Very very cool.
If I don't like a "trend" I just dont use it on my layouts.
If you were to build a patchwork quilt to represent your life -- one in which each square would represent a milestone or a quality that, when taken as a whole quilt, would capture the essence of who you are for your family and friends when you are gone -- what would it look like, what would you include? Describe a few of the patchwork pieces.
This one will need a layout and another day, I'ts nearly 5am lol.
So lets try some blog prompts.
06/09/06 The world is a wondrous place. If family, money and a job were not a factor, where would you most like to live? Why? What are the factors, to you, that make a great place to live? What do you like or not like about where you live currently?
I dont care where in the world I am as long as Mark,Nan and Lukas are there. I only need them an internet connection and my computer to make me happy. I am really looking forward to finally moving back to Nans though, thats my ideal home. Soppy today aren't I lol.
07/09/06 What are five ways you can think of (or perhaps have done) that may change the course of someone's life for the better? What small things can you do to make the world a better place?
Five things I think would make the world better, thats a tough question. Lets see well as you can see from my previous post I dont think that enough people pick up the phone and call their friends/family for a chat anymore. I also dont think enough people take the time to really listen to what other people say. I would love to see people taking the time to just be for a while and do something they enjoy. Taking the time thats spent feeling guilty for not doing xxx (insert thing of choice) and using it to have fun would be great. I dont know I cant really think right now. I like to think I make the world a better place by doing these things and telling people they are special to me and appreciated.
08/09/06 How has your scrapbooking (layouts, skills, attitude, likes/dislikes, etc.) changed or evolved since you started? If it hasn’t changed, should it? Has scrapbooking (or its evolution) impacted your life in any way? New friends? New experiences? New attitudes?
OMG where do I start with this one. Without scrapping I wouldn't have the wonderful collection of friends worldwide that I have, I would probably be back on the anti-depressants or lower than that and I definately wouldn't be planning my wedding.
It was working on layouts that let me really explore my feelings and work out how I felt, it helped me deal with the pain of losing Leo. I have found a whole new artistic side to myself. I feel creative and free but most of all useful. This one needs exploring in more depth so I will come back to it.
10/09/06 This weeks question:YOUR FAVOURITE LAYOUTS....If you have to choose two Layouts - one of your own, and one of someone elses that inspires you - what would they be? Its a time to boost you're own ego as well as someone elses!!Post a link or photo of the layouts on your blog with words of praise to youself and those you have chosen.You are worth it!
Will take some thought.
11/09/06 Use a quote that describes your life, your feelings, your fears, or your thoughts. Talk about how it applies to you. A quote can be a proverb, a saying, a line from a song or poem or book, a family saying — whatever is meaningful to you.
A while back the song I have on this blog would have summed me up perfectly Incomplete. Listen to the words and you will see where I was. Now I would be more inclined to chose my favourite song of all time Ronan Keatings Lovin' Each Day. The words for that seem perfect right now "im loving each day as if its the last,dancing all night and having a blast". Ok admitedly it would be more like scrapping/chatting all night but you get my point.
14/09/06 What technology/tools do you use in scrapping and/or your life in general? How has it changed your life? If it were gone tomorrow, how would it affect you? Which of the new technologies/tools do you embrace, or do you treat them as a necessary evil?
Now as a Digi Scrapper thats lost her stash twice I can answer this question without hesitation. If my computer was gone tomorrow I would cry my heart out. I adore my computer without access to my digi stash,my pictures and probably most importanly my internet I go crazy. Everything I love except Lukas,Nan and Mark lives in this computer. I would miss my friends and my creative release. Now emails those are a necessary evil lol. I swear they breed when I am not looking. They seem to multiply from nowhere, except when I am waiting for one and then they get lost in cyberspace. lol
What’s your ‘creative process’? Where do you get your inspiration? How do you like to work (for example, do you like quiet or stimulating music? Does the house have to be tidied first?)? What really gets the juice flowing for you? What do you do if it stops? What inhibits your creativity?
My creative process I will confess that just like the rest of my life its pretty random lol. Sketches are a great source of inspiration for me. But I have been found taking pictures of trees because "it would make a great pattern", Taking a screen shot of my printer screen because "the curve graphics would make a cool accent on a page". I see inspiration everywhere. Pages can start with a picture or with a kit, with a layout in mind or even with the idea of lets just play and see what happens. I like to work to music though when I am writing poetry I prefer silence. Does my house need to be tidy *sniggers* as if lol. I am messy messy messy.If my creativity stops I try something new a tutorial,kit,designer is usually enough to give me the kick up the bum I need. Sometimes my favourite thing to do is scraplift myself take an old layout and redo it maybe in different colours or a different arrangement just to prove to myself I can still scrap.
18/09/06 If you could find out the truth about one thing, what would it be?
I think if I had to choose one thing it would be why Leo died. When the coronor recorded an inconclusive verdict I was hurt,upset and furious. All that time waiting and not knowing and we still didn't know anything. I hated them for performing 2 autopsies for nothing, I hated them for keeping him for so long. I just wanted to know why and they couldn't tell me. I felt cheated by that.
19/09/06 How do you keep up with the ‘latest trends’ in scrapbooking, or do you? What’s your favourite ‘latest trend’ at the moment? Have you tried it yourself? What’s your favourite trend that you DO use a lot?
Right now my favourite digi stash is layered templates, if you haven't seen these yet have you been asleep? These are they next generation of sketches, they aren't flattened so all you do is select you template and your kit>place paper/element above layer you want it to become >press ctrl+g (pse) or ctrl+alt+g (pscs2) and you group the paper to the layer of the template>move the paper to where you want it and press Ctrl+e to merge them together.Very very cool.
If I don't like a "trend" I just dont use it on my layouts.
If you were to build a patchwork quilt to represent your life -- one in which each square would represent a milestone or a quality that, when taken as a whole quilt, would capture the essence of who you are for your family and friends when you are gone -- what would it look like, what would you include? Describe a few of the patchwork pieces.
This one will need a layout and another day, I'ts nearly 5am lol.
Monday, September 18, 2006
BT Got it right it is good to talk
Something we often forget when we chat online and use public forums.
As brilliant as the smileys/emoticons are they don't even begin to compare to hearing a friend laugh, just to talk to someone about bits of randomness and craziness in your life, feels great.
On that note I am off to do something else that feels good (at least the end result does) restoring order in my life chaos, I like having my files where I can find them, I like having a desk that I can say and even though the process is to say the very least dull, the end result is worth it.
As brilliant as the smileys/emoticons are they don't even begin to compare to hearing a friend laugh, just to talk to someone about bits of randomness and craziness in your life, feels great.
On that note I am off to do something else that feels good (at least the end result does) restoring order in my life chaos, I like having my files where I can find them, I like having a desk that I can say and even though the process is to say the very least dull, the end result is worth it.
Nan again
So we went to Ines party yesterday, bless her she looked so pretty in her little party dress.
We had a great time everyone was so friendly and I took some great pictures.
Called Nan on the way home and she had called the doctor out again, I dont know whats wrong with her shes in pain and I hate it. I hate not being able to do anything to help her. The stupid doctor told her to take a paracetamol why is that always there response if it was the simple you would do it yourself, wouldn't you. I went to sleep last night after the party I was so wiped out. Called Nan this morning and shes waiting for another doctor to come out. Im scared I really am, I dont want to lose her. I feel so helpless and useless.
We had a great time everyone was so friendly and I took some great pictures.
Called Nan on the way home and she had called the doctor out again, I dont know whats wrong with her shes in pain and I hate it. I hate not being able to do anything to help her. The stupid doctor told her to take a paracetamol why is that always there response if it was the simple you would do it yourself, wouldn't you. I went to sleep last night after the party I was so wiped out. Called Nan this morning and shes waiting for another doctor to come out. Im scared I really am, I dont want to lose her. I feel so helpless and useless.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Just need to vent.
There are two many thoughts racing around my head so I need to let some go for a while.
Last night two major events happened, I went to my mums and she was actually nice and helpful. She was even nice to Mark. Personally I am favouring the she's possessed option lol.
She doesn't do nice its unnerving.So we spent a long time at my mums and then we got home. I was just sorting emails and talking to a friend when my phone started to giggle (thats my ringtone). I knew something was wrong and when I saw Nans number I panicked. I said I would go straight down and she never argued, thats not Nan.I called a taxi and went home to her. When I called the out of hours doctors they heard her age and refused to deal with her, put me straight through to the ambulance service. When they arrived they checked her over did and ECG,BP,SATS, and asked loads of questions. Shes stubborn as a mule they said they could take her to the hospital or they could call a doctor out who would probably take a few hours, and she does her usual "I dont want to go to hospital". So I replied in my eloquent manner "shut up and do as your told" lol. Then she starts nagging me about my allergy medication now that was very Nan and I was suddenly a lot less worried. I had a first of riding in the front of an ambulance (usually I am in back lol),They ran a few tests on her at the hospital - ECG,BP,Heart,Pulse,Urine,Blood,Xrays, They gave her some kick ass painkillers and said she could go home. Maniac taxi driver and extortionate ride home only to find daft people had left the cannula in her arm. I'm so glad I know how to remove them,she sometimes being bad has its uses - I can only remove them because of removing my own so many times.So after a night of worrying and no sleep fingers crossed she's a lot better now. Strangely all my doubts about whether I wanted to get married no longer exist she scared me and I want her to see me married, even though Mark is currently driving me up the wall lol.
We're just off to a birthday party, so will be back later.
Last night two major events happened, I went to my mums and she was actually nice and helpful. She was even nice to Mark. Personally I am favouring the she's possessed option lol.
She doesn't do nice its unnerving.So we spent a long time at my mums and then we got home. I was just sorting emails and talking to a friend when my phone started to giggle (thats my ringtone). I knew something was wrong and when I saw Nans number I panicked. I said I would go straight down and she never argued, thats not Nan.I called a taxi and went home to her. When I called the out of hours doctors they heard her age and refused to deal with her, put me straight through to the ambulance service. When they arrived they checked her over did and ECG,BP,SATS, and asked loads of questions. Shes stubborn as a mule they said they could take her to the hospital or they could call a doctor out who would probably take a few hours, and she does her usual "I dont want to go to hospital". So I replied in my eloquent manner "shut up and do as your told" lol. Then she starts nagging me about my allergy medication now that was very Nan and I was suddenly a lot less worried. I had a first of riding in the front of an ambulance (usually I am in back lol),They ran a few tests on her at the hospital - ECG,BP,Heart,Pulse,Urine,Blood,Xrays, They gave her some kick ass painkillers and said she could go home. Maniac taxi driver and extortionate ride home only to find daft people had left the cannula in her arm. I'm so glad I know how to remove them,she sometimes being bad has its uses - I can only remove them because of removing my own so many times.So after a night of worrying and no sleep fingers crossed she's a lot better now. Strangely all my doubts about whether I wanted to get married no longer exist she scared me and I want her to see me married, even though Mark is currently driving me up the wall lol.
We're just off to a birthday party, so will be back later.
Friday, September 15, 2006
what a difference a few days make
Oh I am such a bad blogger, I have major news and I forgot to come share.
So in the 5 days since I last blogged a lot of stuff has happened. I got engaged, bought a ring, set and booked a date and have started planning my wedding.
We are getting married on the 20th January 2007 @ 4:30pm. The registrar is booked, the hall for the reception is booked, Invitations,cake and food are sorted.
Now the question is why are we getting married? Lets start with the reasons for other people.
Marks worried about his mums cancer, he wants to do it for her. Shes back from her holiday now and doesn't seem too impressed by the idea. I want to do it partially for Nan shes not well and I know if I ever did get married without her there it wouldn't be the same, shes the most special person in my life along with Lukas and Mark. Onto reasons for us, Mark feels the need to declare he loves me to the whole world. Me well lets just say I don't. I am the first to admit I don't understand the point of marriage, I dont want to be Mrs Charlett I like my name, its a part of who I am but Marks as stubborn as I am about that. There are lots of reasons why us getting married is a bad idea.
1. We are paying for the wedding so I intend on inviting my dad - who my mum despises.
2. The cost is extrotionate its £320 for the registry office because we want to get married after 12 theres also a fee of £30 each for I belive a declaration.Plus all the other costs that come with a wedding.
3. Mark wants to ask his brothers ex girlfriend to be his best person, (this is the one David cheated on with the now wife)
4. Its a lot of work and stress.
5. I hate being looked at, to me the idea of a whole day where everyones eyes are on me is my idea of hell on earth. I could list loads of other reasons, I won't though its depressing.But its booked now so its tough, I will just have to work through the issues as best I can.
I do love Mark and I do want to be with him forever and if I have to have a wedding to do that I guess a girls gotta do what everyone expects of her. At least Mark has grasped the concept that I don't want to be a domestic goddess, he knows better than to expect me to ever be anything like that. I like running the hoover around, dusting, washing up. I don't mind fighting with the washing machine, cleaning the bath etc. I can cook (sshhhh thats a secret I am not letting Mark in on lol), but I cant do raw meat makes me heave. I can keep a house clean its just tidy I can't seem to grasp lol.
So in the 5 days since I last blogged a lot of stuff has happened. I got engaged, bought a ring, set and booked a date and have started planning my wedding.
We are getting married on the 20th January 2007 @ 4:30pm. The registrar is booked, the hall for the reception is booked, Invitations,cake and food are sorted.
Now the question is why are we getting married? Lets start with the reasons for other people.
Marks worried about his mums cancer, he wants to do it for her. Shes back from her holiday now and doesn't seem too impressed by the idea. I want to do it partially for Nan shes not well and I know if I ever did get married without her there it wouldn't be the same, shes the most special person in my life along with Lukas and Mark. Onto reasons for us, Mark feels the need to declare he loves me to the whole world. Me well lets just say I don't. I am the first to admit I don't understand the point of marriage, I dont want to be Mrs Charlett I like my name, its a part of who I am but Marks as stubborn as I am about that. There are lots of reasons why us getting married is a bad idea.
1. We are paying for the wedding so I intend on inviting my dad - who my mum despises.
2. The cost is extrotionate its £320 for the registry office because we want to get married after 12 theres also a fee of £30 each for I belive a declaration.Plus all the other costs that come with a wedding.
3. Mark wants to ask his brothers ex girlfriend to be his best person, (this is the one David cheated on with the now wife)
4. Its a lot of work and stress.
5. I hate being looked at, to me the idea of a whole day where everyones eyes are on me is my idea of hell on earth. I could list loads of other reasons, I won't though its depressing.But its booked now so its tough, I will just have to work through the issues as best I can.
I do love Mark and I do want to be with him forever and if I have to have a wedding to do that I guess a girls gotta do what everyone expects of her. At least Mark has grasped the concept that I don't want to be a domestic goddess, he knows better than to expect me to ever be anything like that. I like running the hoover around, dusting, washing up. I don't mind fighting with the washing machine, cleaning the bath etc. I can cook (sshhhh thats a secret I am not letting Mark in on lol), but I cant do raw meat makes me heave. I can keep a house clean its just tidy I can't seem to grasp lol.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Highs,Lows and Gareth Gates
So it's just occured to me I haven't updated on here for a few days. So lets start with the bad stuff and end on a positive note.
The MIL doesn't need to have a mastectomy, because thats the least of their concerns the Cancer has spread. She has it in her liver and her kidney and possibly her bones as well. This was a big shock to the system, especially since she only went for routine bloods before her mastectomy. As you know from the previous post 3 members of the New Crew are no more. Suzy,Anna and Jude decided to leave. They are now part of a new team and while theres a part of me that hurts a bit over them leaving I hope they are happy where they are now. Now onto the good stuff I saw Nan yesterday I knew I had missed her but never realised how much. Shes one in a million and the greatest gift in my life. She gave me a wonderful gift she paid for a program to recover my files and I am ecstatic to have them all back. I don't know how to thank her. The Gareth Gates part of the title all relates to a song. "Alive" and the reason is because thats how I feel today. I feel like anything is possible today if I can recover things I thought were gone for good in one area why not in others?
My engagement ring is going back on my finger and let's just say we re-discovered why arguments aren't always a bad thing. LOL. I am inspired to scrap again and I am greatful for life however crap it may be at times. Oh it does of course help that the MIL and FIL are off on holiday for a week and we have house to ourself lol.
The MIL doesn't need to have a mastectomy, because thats the least of their concerns the Cancer has spread. She has it in her liver and her kidney and possibly her bones as well. This was a big shock to the system, especially since she only went for routine bloods before her mastectomy. As you know from the previous post 3 members of the New Crew are no more. Suzy,Anna and Jude decided to leave. They are now part of a new team and while theres a part of me that hurts a bit over them leaving I hope they are happy where they are now. Now onto the good stuff I saw Nan yesterday I knew I had missed her but never realised how much. Shes one in a million and the greatest gift in my life. She gave me a wonderful gift she paid for a program to recover my files and I am ecstatic to have them all back. I don't know how to thank her. The Gareth Gates part of the title all relates to a song. "Alive" and the reason is because thats how I feel today. I feel like anything is possible today if I can recover things I thought were gone for good in one area why not in others?
My engagement ring is going back on my finger and let's just say we re-discovered why arguments aren't always a bad thing. LOL. I am inspired to scrap again and I am greatful for life however crap it may be at times. Oh it does of course help that the MIL and FIL are off on holiday for a week and we have house to ourself lol.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Week from hell
I guess some weeks in life just leave you stunned, confused and not sure how you have arrived at the point you are in life.
This has been one of those weeks. The fight with Mark left me unsure of what I feel towards him. Even now we are on shaky ground, where we go from here is uncertain at best.
Yesterday I lost a large amount of digi stash again, I was devastated and felt like for some reason everything was just going wrong.
My response was to have a few drinks so I could go to sleep and hopefully wake up to everything being better. Getting drunk is never the answer to solving problems but I did get a great nights sleep. I woke up and found out that 3 of my friends have decided to leave the team on UKS. I feel so sad. I want to be angry but its just not happening, because I feel responsible. I feel like its I have been moaning a lot and I know no-one want to hear about other peoples problems. I have tried to keep my moaning to here though. I feel so overwhelmed by life and everything lately. I just want to have some way to make things better, I will be happy with just one day thats not full of drama.
This has been one of those weeks. The fight with Mark left me unsure of what I feel towards him. Even now we are on shaky ground, where we go from here is uncertain at best.
Yesterday I lost a large amount of digi stash again, I was devastated and felt like for some reason everything was just going wrong.
My response was to have a few drinks so I could go to sleep and hopefully wake up to everything being better. Getting drunk is never the answer to solving problems but I did get a great nights sleep. I woke up and found out that 3 of my friends have decided to leave the team on UKS. I feel so sad. I want to be angry but its just not happening, because I feel responsible. I feel like its I have been moaning a lot and I know no-one want to hear about other peoples problems. I have tried to keep my moaning to here though. I feel so overwhelmed by life and everything lately. I just want to have some way to make things better, I will be happy with just one day thats not full of drama.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Join me for a pity party
Im feeling very sorry for myself. As you know from previous post my period arrived in its full glory. The part that wasn't already crushed by it coming was when I noticed that its not just blood. I have had two definate miscarriages before and 2 possibles this is definately another possible. As if that didn't make me sad enough all hell broke loose here today. Work phoned Mark this morning and informed him he was supposed to be there. I went off my tree because we had a day out all arranged, the fighting and argument escalated to the point where I said I was leaving. All this because even when asked repeatedly Mark can't do a simple thing like check a rota. So I had one of my stupid fits didn't I, in the kitchen - the only room with a concrete floor and boy do my ribs know about it. Without massive amounts of painkillers breathing hurts like hell. Oh well shall just add it to my list of other things that make life hard. After this Mark starts shouting and saying "he needs time to think", Lukas at this point is screaming "Daddy,please don't go, please don't leave me" and Mark replied "Daddy will be back in a minute" left and went to work like everything was normal. When he went I couldn't actually use my right arm properly either Shoulder had taken a whack too but is fine now. I took Lukas to the park to try and work out what had happened and then I came home and started panicing.
Everything in my life is falling apart, and I don't know how to process that he had just gone to work. Poor Debs she called me after me losing the plot on the team thread, and spent over an hour listening to me. I know shes religious but thats akin to sainthood - you're one in a million Debs thank you. While I wasn't actually content at losing the plot only that much and after Mark called me from work and didn't grasp why I was angry and crying. I decided to take drastic action I walked around to the hospital with Lukas in tow. Then I made Lukas cry, I threatened to leave him there with Mark. I actually turned and walked as far as the door about 10 steps before I turned around and went back to soothe him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't bear hearing him cry. I was trying to make a point to Mark so that he could feel what it's like to be left to comfort Lukas when he's inconsolable. As any sane person would tell you hospitals and severe latex allergies dont mix and stress+ allergy= messed up weird person who is confused and crazy. Mark had to bring me home from the hospital round the corner in a taxi. He then left Lukas with his mother and went back to work. I was really bad with the confusion etc and my ribs were killing and he just left. I sleep badly on and off until he got home then I left. I walked around for a while narrowly avoided getting dragged into a fight and then came home. I don't know where I stand now or what happens next. I am confused because I don't feel Mark cares anymore. To be honest I think its one of those damned either way things if I stay, Mark won't change he will still be stupid and thoughtless and not listen. If I leave I know it will hurt me and Lukas more than it hurts Mark. It just feels so hopeless. He says he loves me but I don't feel like he even understands what love is. Lukas is supposed to be going back to school later today but he doesn't have his trainers, Mark never took back his new outfit that Tesco's left the tag on I haven't cut his hair or anything. Lukas is tossing and turning and crying in his sleep, I haven't been to bed because of my ribs and not being able to settle because theres too much on my mind. Mark well he's flat out snoring like a train hasn't moved all night, and you wonder why I think he doesn't care.
Everything in my life is falling apart, and I don't know how to process that he had just gone to work. Poor Debs she called me after me losing the plot on the team thread, and spent over an hour listening to me. I know shes religious but thats akin to sainthood - you're one in a million Debs thank you. While I wasn't actually content at losing the plot only that much and after Mark called me from work and didn't grasp why I was angry and crying. I decided to take drastic action I walked around to the hospital with Lukas in tow. Then I made Lukas cry, I threatened to leave him there with Mark. I actually turned and walked as far as the door about 10 steps before I turned around and went back to soothe him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't bear hearing him cry. I was trying to make a point to Mark so that he could feel what it's like to be left to comfort Lukas when he's inconsolable. As any sane person would tell you hospitals and severe latex allergies dont mix and stress+ allergy= messed up weird person who is confused and crazy. Mark had to bring me home from the hospital round the corner in a taxi. He then left Lukas with his mother and went back to work. I was really bad with the confusion etc and my ribs were killing and he just left. I sleep badly on and off until he got home then I left. I walked around for a while narrowly avoided getting dragged into a fight and then came home. I don't know where I stand now or what happens next. I am confused because I don't feel Mark cares anymore. To be honest I think its one of those damned either way things if I stay, Mark won't change he will still be stupid and thoughtless and not listen. If I leave I know it will hurt me and Lukas more than it hurts Mark. It just feels so hopeless. He says he loves me but I don't feel like he even understands what love is. Lukas is supposed to be going back to school later today but he doesn't have his trainers, Mark never took back his new outfit that Tesco's left the tag on I haven't cut his hair or anything. Lukas is tossing and turning and crying in his sleep, I haven't been to bed because of my ribs and not being able to settle because theres too much on my mind. Mark well he's flat out snoring like a train hasn't moved all night, and you wonder why I think he doesn't care.
Tags and prompts
So Wendy has tagged me
rules: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Then tag 5 friends and list them. Then those 5 friends need to state their 5 weird things on their blog, listing the rules and then tag 5 more people. Don't forget to let the person know in their blog that you tagged them or we will never find out their weird attributes.
Five weird things about me:
1. I hate almost all sauces of any description the exceptions are apple sauce, gravy, white sauce from a jar and theres another one but I can't think
2. The smell of mint makes me heave
3. I can clean up any poop but can't do sick
4. I can't be found out of bed before 11/12 unless I haven't managed to get their
5. I buy high heeled shoes because they are pretty and never wear them because they hurt.
Five weird things about the pet: She's a Hamster called Crazy or Rosie 2 (depends if MIL is about)
1. She likes to climb upside down across the top of her cage
2. She doesn't eat the hamster food sh puts it through the bars
3. The reason she doesn't eat the hamster food is because she only likes Lukas's breakfast and the other bits of food he feeds her.
Cheerios,Frosties, Shreaded Wheat,Prawn Crackers, Quavers, Skips, Toast and Pizza being her favourite
4. She takes all the bedding out of her house and moves it to other site of cage and then sleeps between pile of bedding and house.
5. She alternates between having a drink and trying to gnaw her way out of the cage.
I can even do you five weird things about Lukas
1. He likes pizza with pepperoni and peppers but only of one colour he picks the others off
2. He loves egg fried rice once hes picked the peas out put them on a seperate plate and eaten them
3. He only likes ketchup with his chips if its in an egg cup
4. He won't eat the crusts on sandwiches because he's scared of biting his fingers if you cut the crusts off he will leave the same amount of bread as there was crust
5. He only eats pink meat (Ham, bacon, luncheon meat) because according to him the other stuff isn't ready.
Not so sure about tagging anyone though so if you want to answer the tag leave me a comment when you are done and I will come see
Blog Prompts apparently I have three to catch up on so lets get on with it
01/09/06 It’s a colourful world: What’s your favourite colour? What’s your least-liked colour? Do colours have meanings or evoke emotions for you? Do they affect your senses? How has scrapbooking affected your sense of colour… or vice versa? Are you more aware of colour in your environment now?
My favourite colours are red and purple, my least liked colour is pink. Im a digi scrapper so I have the advantage of being able to change colours to suit what I want to scrap them with. I don't think colours really do affect my senses. Although beautiful things do make me feel happy like sunsets and clouds.
03/09/06 I want you to Blog your Favourite part of youself! We all know we can fill a day describing what we would change - but what wouldnt you change!?!?!?
I love my eyes, I have really long eyelashes and deep brown eyes. They are actually the only part of me I don't dislike.
05/09/06 What are the five signs of you?When someone walks into your house how do they know without you saying anything that your at home? What things do you do that let people know your around? We all do it without thinking about it. Tell us what are yours.
Five signs of me lets think,
There would be a least 5 handbags piled somewhere in the room I swap between them depending on where I am going,Theres more than likely going to be mess, The floor will have a high percentage of toys to carpet ratio, There will be music cds stacked on the shelf of mine and cds not in cases everywhere of Marks and I will probably disappear upstairs to get something and not re-emerge because I am chatting online lol. I don't think I do anything to let people know I am around because they just know i'm there I am not exactly small or quiet.
rules: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Then tag 5 friends and list them. Then those 5 friends need to state their 5 weird things on their blog, listing the rules and then tag 5 more people. Don't forget to let the person know in their blog that you tagged them or we will never find out their weird attributes.
Five weird things about me:
1. I hate almost all sauces of any description the exceptions are apple sauce, gravy, white sauce from a jar and theres another one but I can't think
2. The smell of mint makes me heave
3. I can clean up any poop but can't do sick
4. I can't be found out of bed before 11/12 unless I haven't managed to get their
5. I buy high heeled shoes because they are pretty and never wear them because they hurt.
Five weird things about the pet: She's a Hamster called Crazy or Rosie 2 (depends if MIL is about)
1. She likes to climb upside down across the top of her cage
2. She doesn't eat the hamster food sh puts it through the bars
3. The reason she doesn't eat the hamster food is because she only likes Lukas's breakfast and the other bits of food he feeds her.
Cheerios,Frosties, Shreaded Wheat,Prawn Crackers, Quavers, Skips, Toast and Pizza being her favourite
4. She takes all the bedding out of her house and moves it to other site of cage and then sleeps between pile of bedding and house.
5. She alternates between having a drink and trying to gnaw her way out of the cage.
I can even do you five weird things about Lukas
1. He likes pizza with pepperoni and peppers but only of one colour he picks the others off
2. He loves egg fried rice once hes picked the peas out put them on a seperate plate and eaten them
3. He only likes ketchup with his chips if its in an egg cup
4. He won't eat the crusts on sandwiches because he's scared of biting his fingers if you cut the crusts off he will leave the same amount of bread as there was crust
5. He only eats pink meat (Ham, bacon, luncheon meat) because according to him the other stuff isn't ready.
Not so sure about tagging anyone though so if you want to answer the tag leave me a comment when you are done and I will come see
Blog Prompts apparently I have three to catch up on so lets get on with it
01/09/06 It’s a colourful world: What’s your favourite colour? What’s your least-liked colour? Do colours have meanings or evoke emotions for you? Do they affect your senses? How has scrapbooking affected your sense of colour… or vice versa? Are you more aware of colour in your environment now?
My favourite colours are red and purple, my least liked colour is pink. Im a digi scrapper so I have the advantage of being able to change colours to suit what I want to scrap them with. I don't think colours really do affect my senses. Although beautiful things do make me feel happy like sunsets and clouds.
03/09/06 I want you to Blog your Favourite part of youself! We all know we can fill a day describing what we would change - but what wouldnt you change!?!?!?
I love my eyes, I have really long eyelashes and deep brown eyes. They are actually the only part of me I don't dislike.
05/09/06 What are the five signs of you?When someone walks into your house how do they know without you saying anything that your at home? What things do you do that let people know your around? We all do it without thinking about it. Tell us what are yours.
Five signs of me lets think,
There would be a least 5 handbags piled somewhere in the room I swap between them depending on where I am going,Theres more than likely going to be mess, The floor will have a high percentage of toys to carpet ratio, There will be music cds stacked on the shelf of mine and cds not in cases everywhere of Marks and I will probably disappear upstairs to get something and not re-emerge because I am chatting online lol. I don't think I do anything to let people know I am around because they just know i'm there I am not exactly small or quiet.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
A Day full of drama and sadness
So lets start with an update on yesterdays post. The matter I was discussing has now been resolved blog links are allowed.I don't really want to say anything else about this today as there are other things bothering me more.
Lukas wanted to paint earlier today and since Marks mother was cleaning and whinging I decided to let him do it in our room, on his bed.
It was fine until lukas decided to be an idiot and climb behind the mattress again. He gets told off for this constantly. He managed to knock water and paints everywhere luckily his bed just needed a wipe off and he missed the mattress. He knew he was in trouble just by seeing the look on my face and promptly ran off downstairs. Little monster.
So I have learnt quite a few things today.
But the one I have decided to share is this one :Sometimes you don't know you want something until you haven't got it.
Remember the post on Sunday about my period being late. Well its arrived and I am heartbroken. I know theres always other months but 12 days is a long time. Maybe theres a part of me that wonders if I was and I had another miscarriage or maybe its just that I an angry because I feel my body has let me down again. But I think a lot of my problem comes from an innocent sleepy comment Mark made the other night. He was asleep and he turned over and put his hand on my tummy. Then he mumbled something about would be a nice birthday present just like yours. Which made me cry. Lukas was my 17th birthday present because thats the day we found out we were expecting him. Lukas did something bizarre earlier he kissed my tummy and when I asked him why he said "I'm kissing the baby girl from Leo" that made me cry too. I guess theres a lot of wishful thinking in this household at the moment. The injustice of it stings a lot people like my mum can just have babies they dont have to try. While I know I am by no means a perfect mummy I like to think I don't do that bad of a job. Tomorrow we are taking Lukas to the fair and then Wednesday hes off back to school. I have to try and put on a happy face when all I want to do is sit and cry.
Lukas wanted to paint earlier today and since Marks mother was cleaning and whinging I decided to let him do it in our room, on his bed.
It was fine until lukas decided to be an idiot and climb behind the mattress again. He gets told off for this constantly. He managed to knock water and paints everywhere luckily his bed just needed a wipe off and he missed the mattress. He knew he was in trouble just by seeing the look on my face and promptly ran off downstairs. Little monster.
So I have learnt quite a few things today.
But the one I have decided to share is this one :Sometimes you don't know you want something until you haven't got it.
Remember the post on Sunday about my period being late. Well its arrived and I am heartbroken. I know theres always other months but 12 days is a long time. Maybe theres a part of me that wonders if I was and I had another miscarriage or maybe its just that I an angry because I feel my body has let me down again. But I think a lot of my problem comes from an innocent sleepy comment Mark made the other night. He was asleep and he turned over and put his hand on my tummy. Then he mumbled something about would be a nice birthday present just like yours. Which made me cry. Lukas was my 17th birthday present because thats the day we found out we were expecting him. Lukas did something bizarre earlier he kissed my tummy and when I asked him why he said "I'm kissing the baby girl from Leo" that made me cry too. I guess theres a lot of wishful thinking in this household at the moment. The injustice of it stings a lot people like my mum can just have babies they dont have to try. While I know I am by no means a perfect mummy I like to think I don't do that bad of a job. Tomorrow we are taking Lukas to the fair and then Wednesday hes off back to school. I have to try and put on a happy face when all I want to do is sit and cry.
Monday, September 04, 2006
My Blog a directory of ads
With my spending addiction this blog oftens turns into an ad for various scrapping resources and sites. But according to certain people placing a link to this blog as part of my signature is against the rules because it links to other places.So since this is MY BLOG and its in capital letters so that anyone reading it has that point driven home, I am going to continue doing whatever I want on it. No-one has to read it. Theres even a disclaimer at the top of it so if I want to place ads for every site I frequent then I bloody well will do and if anybody doesn't like it well they can just sod off!
Can you tell I am pretty angry today? Good.
If a collection of rules states you can place a link to your blog then how can they then try and sensor what is contained within that blog?
In my opinion that is trying to remove my right to free speech.
The thoughts and feelings conveyed in this blog are mine and mine alone. While I try to reign in some opinions so I don't offend people or hurt peoples feelings I don't believe that I actually have to. Well I choose not to swear on this blog as far as I know there is no reason why I shouldn't. My blog is not breaking any laws that I know of or as far as I am concerned any rules laid out at present.
I believe it is hypocritical to make one set of rules for any one thing/person thats essentially the same as others which receive no punishment and are actually encouraged.
Lets look at it in more detail. The internet works on reccomendations/reciprocal links etc.
The example I present it this.
A scrapper happens upon dedicated2digital>follows links provided to Decembers blog>Deccember has a link to my blog>My Blog has a link to Debs blog>Debs blog has a link to My Craft Studio via this chain it works out that these two businesses are advertising each other. Obviously theres a more direct route (I have link to both available lol) but this demonstartes my point. People see links follow them and find more links along the way its the whole point behind the internet. So on that note my advertisement for today is you follow my link to Debs blog and show her some love and support in her time of need, because some people are just bullies.
So today I have learnt apparently do as I say not as I do is still the way of the world. My answer to that is simple - Hell No
Can you tell I am pretty angry today? Good.
If a collection of rules states you can place a link to your blog then how can they then try and sensor what is contained within that blog?
In my opinion that is trying to remove my right to free speech.
The thoughts and feelings conveyed in this blog are mine and mine alone. While I try to reign in some opinions so I don't offend people or hurt peoples feelings I don't believe that I actually have to. Well I choose not to swear on this blog as far as I know there is no reason why I shouldn't. My blog is not breaking any laws that I know of or as far as I am concerned any rules laid out at present.
I believe it is hypocritical to make one set of rules for any one thing/person thats essentially the same as others which receive no punishment and are actually encouraged.
Lets look at it in more detail. The internet works on reccomendations/reciprocal links etc.
The example I present it this.
A scrapper happens upon dedicated2digital>follows links provided to Decembers blog>Deccember has a link to my blog>My Blog has a link to Debs blog>Debs blog has a link to My Craft Studio via this chain it works out that these two businesses are advertising each other. Obviously theres a more direct route (I have link to both available lol) but this demonstartes my point. People see links follow them and find more links along the way its the whole point behind the internet. So on that note my advertisement for today is you follow my link to Debs blog and show her some love and support in her time of need, because some people are just bullies.
So today I have learnt apparently do as I say not as I do is still the way of the world. My answer to that is simple - Hell No
Sunday, September 03, 2006
So what have I learned today?
Well yesterday because I haven't done anything today yet.
I think my lesson for today is sometimes life sucks because of other people and you just have to deal with the result and move on.
If you read the previous post you will see why the day sucked, why it was mainly a result of other people and how I had to deal with it. I am going to try and forget about yesterday even the fact that nit lotion = allergic reaction. Burning skin and pretty colours is never a good thing.
I was actually thankful for my latex allergy last night because without the tablets I take for that it would have been really bad. Although I still have the aching desire to break one of Davids bones for every tear I saw Lukas cry yesterday, I am going to restrain myself because today is a whole new day and I am moving on.
On the agenda today is more delousing oh what fun lol.Still only another 13 days to go.
Tidying the pigsty we call home (rumour has it theres carpet in our bedroom under the toys I think I will play at being a mythbuster and see if its true lol)
Ironing (huh?) labels into Lukas's clothes for school
Going shopping to buy trainers for Lukas for school - because the lovely smart ones I bought aren't allowed because "he's 4 and should be capable of dressing himself completely" and you wonder why I love *hear the sarcasm* the hound from hell aka lukas's old teacher.Hip Hip Hooray for someone new to probably drive me mad.
Then theres all the usual stuff for dedicated2digital plus a few extras.
Sorting some more files on my hard drive
Washing all the bedding and stuffed animals who inhabit whole bed.
Trying to find enough clean linen to remake the beds. *cringes at thought*
Finding something to create for dinner haven't a clue what because we haven't been shopping
These are just the main ones and thats without all the little stuff like getting dressed. I can't see anytime in today to get any space to create things without being up all night again.
I think Marks at work tomorrow and we promised Lukas we would go to the fair on Tuesday my bank account says severly overdrawn.
*Taking a deep breath in and telling self "you can do this without going loco"*
Lets just hope the little inner voice is right.
so hi ho hi ho its off to work I go.
I think my lesson for today is sometimes life sucks because of other people and you just have to deal with the result and move on.
If you read the previous post you will see why the day sucked, why it was mainly a result of other people and how I had to deal with it. I am going to try and forget about yesterday even the fact that nit lotion = allergic reaction. Burning skin and pretty colours is never a good thing.
I was actually thankful for my latex allergy last night because without the tablets I take for that it would have been really bad. Although I still have the aching desire to break one of Davids bones for every tear I saw Lukas cry yesterday, I am going to restrain myself because today is a whole new day and I am moving on.
On the agenda today is more delousing oh what fun lol.Still only another 13 days to go.
Tidying the pigsty we call home (rumour has it theres carpet in our bedroom under the toys I think I will play at being a mythbuster and see if its true lol)
Ironing (huh?) labels into Lukas's clothes for school
Going shopping to buy trainers for Lukas for school - because the lovely smart ones I bought aren't allowed because "he's 4 and should be capable of dressing himself completely" and you wonder why I love *hear the sarcasm* the hound from hell aka lukas's old teacher.Hip Hip Hooray for someone new to probably drive me mad.
Then theres all the usual stuff for dedicated2digital plus a few extras.
Sorting some more files on my hard drive
Washing all the bedding and stuffed animals who inhabit whole bed.
Trying to find enough clean linen to remake the beds. *cringes at thought*
Finding something to create for dinner haven't a clue what because we haven't been shopping
These are just the main ones and thats without all the little stuff like getting dressed. I can't see anytime in today to get any space to create things without being up all night again.
I think Marks at work tomorrow and we promised Lukas we would go to the fair on Tuesday my bank account says severly overdrawn.
*Taking a deep breath in and telling self "you can do this without going loco"*
Lets just hope the little inner voice is right.
so hi ho hi ho its off to work I go.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Beyond fed up
We have spent almost the whole day trying to remove nits from the household. That Lukas picked up from Joshua. Why does this annoy me let's see:
1. We first noticed Josh had them at Christmas its now August thats 8 months. He will be two in August the length of the neglect by Marks brother and that cretin he calls his wife infuriates me.
2. Lukas only plays with Josh one afternoon a week.
3. It costs £10 for a bottle of stuff to get rid of the horrible little creatures.
4. I had to try and do the impossible of getting a four year old to sit still for over an hour. That was so fun I am bruised all over from elbows and have a rotten headache from his constant screaming.
5. I feel guilty because his poor little head is red even though I tried to be gentle.
6. The whole smells of tea tree and nit lotion and its making me want to be sick.
7. I had to change all the bedding etc thats only been on 2 days
8. I had a fight or three with Mark over it because he doesn't want to say anything to his bloody brother
9. I had more fights with Mark because he won't let me say anything to the stupid waste of space arsehole that is his brother
10. The plan for today was much needed tidying up so now that needs to be done tomorrow on the only day I had nothing planned to do and was going to do some stuff thats important to me like making Marks birthday present which I can't do now.
I want to just sit and cry. Its too much to cope with. I have a list of stuff to do that was already looking overwhelming without adding more stuff and removing a whole day to do it in.Lukas goes back to school on Wednesday and I haven't even been and got his trainers or labelled his clothes yet.
Theres a few other things bothering me today as well. Lukas keeps asking to go and see Leo which breaks my heart. He saw a picture of the hospital on a leaflet and keeps asking why they won't give Leo back. Everything I say to him doesn't seem to sink in. He doesn't understand why we can't just get on a bus and go and see Leo. Marks mums operation is weighing on my mind, as many arguements as we have I actually quite like her. I am worried about how she will be afterwards. Mark doesn't seem to care I feel like I am the only one whose bothered. I want to go and see Nan because I miss her but I can't because of the stupid nits. She's strange like that won't have anyone with them in the house, she has been like that for as long as I can remember. She has always been borderline obsessive compulsive about cleanliness and cleaning her house. So not really a good idea to live with me I give a whole new meaning to the word "messy" lol.
The last thing thats bothering me is a real girl thing, I am late. 12 days late and I am worried.
I don't know if I am pregnant or even at this point if I was whether I would be happy. It would make perfect sense of course that at the worst time possible for us, that I would be because thats sods law. But the whole concept terrifies me. Although a cute little baby is appealing to my ache in my heart and the space in my arms, my head remembers that it will be 7 months at least of hell on earth and maybe the worst case scenario of losing another baby. I don't think I could cope. I hate Leo so damn much for dying and leaving me. I know he didn't chose to but he hurt me more than I ever thought it was possible to hurt. If we hadn't lost him then we wouldn't have had to go through the pain of losing Ambrose this year we would have been using protection. I am a selfish cow I know but I cant help it. I loved him even more than I loved Lukas when he was born because he was my chance to do everything that I screwed up with Lukas right, and then instead of doing more and doing things right I got to do even less. I don't know if I should be keeping my fingers crossed my period doesn't come or if I should be keeping them crossed that it does. I am more confused than I thought possible. I was even considering going and asking the doctor for some more anti depressants because I feel so low, but now I can't because I have to play the waiting game. Patience is not a virtue I am blessed with.
1. We first noticed Josh had them at Christmas its now August thats 8 months. He will be two in August the length of the neglect by Marks brother and that cretin he calls his wife infuriates me.
2. Lukas only plays with Josh one afternoon a week.
3. It costs £10 for a bottle of stuff to get rid of the horrible little creatures.
4. I had to try and do the impossible of getting a four year old to sit still for over an hour. That was so fun I am bruised all over from elbows and have a rotten headache from his constant screaming.
5. I feel guilty because his poor little head is red even though I tried to be gentle.
6. The whole smells of tea tree and nit lotion and its making me want to be sick.
7. I had to change all the bedding etc thats only been on 2 days
8. I had a fight or three with Mark over it because he doesn't want to say anything to his bloody brother
9. I had more fights with Mark because he won't let me say anything to the stupid waste of space arsehole that is his brother
10. The plan for today was much needed tidying up so now that needs to be done tomorrow on the only day I had nothing planned to do and was going to do some stuff thats important to me like making Marks birthday present which I can't do now.
I want to just sit and cry. Its too much to cope with. I have a list of stuff to do that was already looking overwhelming without adding more stuff and removing a whole day to do it in.Lukas goes back to school on Wednesday and I haven't even been and got his trainers or labelled his clothes yet.
Theres a few other things bothering me today as well. Lukas keeps asking to go and see Leo which breaks my heart. He saw a picture of the hospital on a leaflet and keeps asking why they won't give Leo back. Everything I say to him doesn't seem to sink in. He doesn't understand why we can't just get on a bus and go and see Leo. Marks mums operation is weighing on my mind, as many arguements as we have I actually quite like her. I am worried about how she will be afterwards. Mark doesn't seem to care I feel like I am the only one whose bothered. I want to go and see Nan because I miss her but I can't because of the stupid nits. She's strange like that won't have anyone with them in the house, she has been like that for as long as I can remember. She has always been borderline obsessive compulsive about cleanliness and cleaning her house. So not really a good idea to live with me I give a whole new meaning to the word "messy" lol.
The last thing thats bothering me is a real girl thing, I am late. 12 days late and I am worried.
I don't know if I am pregnant or even at this point if I was whether I would be happy. It would make perfect sense of course that at the worst time possible for us, that I would be because thats sods law. But the whole concept terrifies me. Although a cute little baby is appealing to my ache in my heart and the space in my arms, my head remembers that it will be 7 months at least of hell on earth and maybe the worst case scenario of losing another baby. I don't think I could cope. I hate Leo so damn much for dying and leaving me. I know he didn't chose to but he hurt me more than I ever thought it was possible to hurt. If we hadn't lost him then we wouldn't have had to go through the pain of losing Ambrose this year we would have been using protection. I am a selfish cow I know but I cant help it. I loved him even more than I loved Lukas when he was born because he was my chance to do everything that I screwed up with Lukas right, and then instead of doing more and doing things right I got to do even less. I don't know if I should be keeping my fingers crossed my period doesn't come or if I should be keeping them crossed that it does. I am more confused than I thought possible. I was even considering going and asking the doctor for some more anti depressants because I feel so low, but now I can't because I have to play the waiting game. Patience is not a virtue I am blessed with.
Friday, September 01, 2006
She's Baaaaaack
Yay Nan is home and apparently (although unsure why I am surprised) she has gifts lol.
She said she had a great time and apart from missing the sofa she sleeps on, the aeroplane hurting her ears and not having Me,Lukas and Mark *blush* she wouldn't have changed a thing.
Its raining outside again. But I don't care because my sunshines back.Im so glad she's back home again, and only two buses away.
So I don't really have anything else to say have already done the tagged post and the UKS Blog prompts but I might be back in while with something lol
She said she had a great time and apart from missing the sofa she sleeps on, the aeroplane hurting her ears and not having Me,Lukas and Mark *blush* she wouldn't have changed a thing.
Its raining outside again. But I don't care because my sunshines back.Im so glad she's back home again, and only two buses away.
So I don't really have anything else to say have already done the tagged post and the UKS Blog prompts but I might be back in while with something lol
More UKS Blog Prompts
So I have 3 more to catch up on.
29/08/06 "There ought to be a law": What are your pet peeves? We’ll call this ‘Grumpy old scrapbookers’! List your five top pet peeves about anything (scrapbooking, kids, partners, pets, or just life). If you've seen 'Grumpy Old Men' or 'Grumpy Old Women', you'll know what this means, but you don't have to be old...just grumpy.
I have a layout about this I did earlier in the month
http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/188/8868/640/I%20hate.jpg
So I dont think I will answer that again.
30/08/06 You're having a small intimate dinner party with lots of good food, perhaps a glass or two of wine, and LOTS of sparkling conversation. Each of your five guests must be a real person but can be historical or currently alive. Who will you invite and why? What do you really want to talk about?Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to some famous people? Ever thought you'd really like to ask that so-and-so a question? Ever wanted to give so-and-so a piece of your mind? Here's your chance!
I could think of quite a few people that I would like to invite to a dinner party so I could stare at them and drool lol but not many I could have a conversation with.
So I will have a think and come back to that
31/08/06 Where/What is your comfort? When things get tough or a bit too mad, where do you go for comfort: food? a book? a fantasy? exercise? a secret place? a special friend? hot bath? or … ?
I would have to say my comfort would be right here on my blog, Thats where I turn when I feel like I cant cope anymore and need a release. I write and I keep writing until I feel better. Nan and Mark are always a good place to run for a hug and some comfort. My other place of release is outside in a park. I feel closer to Leo and I talk to the stars I know it sounds bizarre but its comforting to me. I also spent a lot of time outside doing that when I was angry sometimes I just walk until I cant walk anymore.Scrapping is good but I have to have processed the information first maybe to myself or on here.
29/08/06 "There ought to be a law": What are your pet peeves? We’ll call this ‘Grumpy old scrapbookers’! List your five top pet peeves about anything (scrapbooking, kids, partners, pets, or just life). If you've seen 'Grumpy Old Men' or 'Grumpy Old Women', you'll know what this means, but you don't have to be old...just grumpy.
I have a layout about this I did earlier in the month
http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/188/8868/640/I%20hate.jpg
So I dont think I will answer that again.
30/08/06 You're having a small intimate dinner party with lots of good food, perhaps a glass or two of wine, and LOTS of sparkling conversation. Each of your five guests must be a real person but can be historical or currently alive. Who will you invite and why? What do you really want to talk about?Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to some famous people? Ever thought you'd really like to ask that so-and-so a question? Ever wanted to give so-and-so a piece of your mind? Here's your chance!
I could think of quite a few people that I would like to invite to a dinner party so I could stare at them and drool lol but not many I could have a conversation with.
So I will have a think and come back to that
31/08/06 Where/What is your comfort? When things get tough or a bit too mad, where do you go for comfort: food? a book? a fantasy? exercise? a secret place? a special friend? hot bath? or … ?
I would have to say my comfort would be right here on my blog, Thats where I turn when I feel like I cant cope anymore and need a release. I write and I keep writing until I feel better. Nan and Mark are always a good place to run for a hug and some comfort. My other place of release is outside in a park. I feel closer to Leo and I talk to the stars I know it sounds bizarre but its comforting to me. I also spent a lot of time outside doing that when I was angry sometimes I just walk until I cant walk anymore.Scrapping is good but I have to have processed the information first maybe to myself or on here.
Tag i'm it
Well I went to read Debs blog and because I read the post I have to answer to tag questions so here goes (normal people do 4/5 tags Debs not 45 lol)
Q1. when was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
I don't know but I have done a lot more interesting things than that outside lol
Q2. when was the last time you saw your parents?
My dad was at Leos funeral and My Witch Mother go back a few posts I moaned about it lol
Q3. which family member do you most resemble?
No idea as long as its not my mum I don't mind
Q4. do you own your own bible?
Strangely I do I own two one was a birthday gift when I was younger and the second is a Mormon one just so I could try and understand what Debs was on about
Q5. do you wear deodorant ?
Yes usually Dove but I also like Lynx
Q6. do you clean up nice?
I think I always look a mess but Mark says different so ask him lol
Q7. when was the last time you tripped and fell ?
Thats a daily occurence in the sty we call a bedroom
Q8. where was the last place you slept besides your home?
Here at Marks
Q9. what are you listening to right now?
The keyboard as I type lol
Q10. have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
No but I was with Mark when he accidently set fire to a park lol
Q11. ever run out of diesel/petrol on the road?
Nope can't drive
Q12. would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves?
Depends do I get the powerful lawnmower or the push along lol
Q13. your middle name spelled backwards?
esiuol
Q14. what is the last thing you downloaded on your computer?
Psp X but I don't like it prefer mt pscs2
Q15. last time you swam in a pool?
Does walking in a pool count? Because thats what happens when I go with Lukas
Q16. have you ever been in a school play?
Yes Henrietta Hippopotomus (how appropriate) Narrator (could be becuase I cant shut up) Cant think what else the idea of standing my fat self in front of people makes me cringe
Q17. how many kid's do you want?
All of mine that live in heaven,Lukas and a girl
Q18. music you dislike most?
Anything without words to sing along with
Q19. you registered to vote?
yes
Q20. you have cable?
We have sky is that the same?
Q21. ever prank call anybody?
No not my style
Q22. would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Neither I don't like heights and I wouldn't be allowed to do either anyway because of the medical issues
Q23. do you have a garden?
Yes the one at home has an 8ft trampoline and is gorgeous the one here is tiny with two sheds and Lukas's toys lol
Q24. whats your favorite comic?
Don't read comics
Q25. bath or shower? morning or night?
Bath does 3am count as Morning or Night?
Q26. best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
In the army now that was funny
Q27. best pizza topping?
Pepporoni,Sweetcorn,Ham,Pineapple and Extra Cheese
Q28. peanuts or popcorn?
Popcorn salted or sweet
Q29. have you ever smoked?
No
Q30. orange juice or apple?
Tesco value apple juice, Iceland orange juice so depends where I am shopping lol
Q31. chocolate bar?
Yes please lol Galaxy,Chomps, Curly Whirlys
Q32. when was the last time you voted?
Cant remember but since Lukas was born because he came with me
Q33. when was the last time you ate a home grown tomato?
Never don't like tomatoes unless they are puree or canned and cooked lol
Q35. ever order anything from infomercial?
My Mormon bible lol
Q36. sprite or 7up?
Sprite because its usually on special
Q37. have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/ school?
Yes school and work
Q38. ever thrown up in public?
No
Q39. would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
I dont know because you can lose both I suppose being a millionaire I could have my true love at home with me all the time (lukas and mark)
Q40. do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes even if you don't realise it at the time.
Q41. who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Marks brother when he nearly died
Q42. did you have alot of hair as a baby?
I can't remember one of us did and the other two didn't will ask Nan tomorrow
Q43. what do you think about most?
Leo
Q44. favorite form of traveling?
I don't think I have one they all involve effort
Q45. if you could have one magical power what would it be?
To be able to go to heaven and get my babies back and make Nan immortal so she would never leave me.
hmm May as well do more UKS Blog Prompts as well
Q1. when was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
I don't know but I have done a lot more interesting things than that outside lol
Q2. when was the last time you saw your parents?
My dad was at Leos funeral and My Witch Mother go back a few posts I moaned about it lol
Q3. which family member do you most resemble?
No idea as long as its not my mum I don't mind
Q4. do you own your own bible?
Strangely I do I own two one was a birthday gift when I was younger and the second is a Mormon one just so I could try and understand what Debs was on about
Q5. do you wear deodorant ?
Yes usually Dove but I also like Lynx
Q6. do you clean up nice?
I think I always look a mess but Mark says different so ask him lol
Q7. when was the last time you tripped and fell ?
Thats a daily occurence in the sty we call a bedroom
Q8. where was the last place you slept besides your home?
Here at Marks
Q9. what are you listening to right now?
The keyboard as I type lol
Q10. have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
No but I was with Mark when he accidently set fire to a park lol
Q11. ever run out of diesel/petrol on the road?
Nope can't drive
Q12. would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves?
Depends do I get the powerful lawnmower or the push along lol
Q13. your middle name spelled backwards?
esiuol
Q14. what is the last thing you downloaded on your computer?
Psp X but I don't like it prefer mt pscs2
Q15. last time you swam in a pool?
Does walking in a pool count? Because thats what happens when I go with Lukas
Q16. have you ever been in a school play?
Yes Henrietta Hippopotomus (how appropriate) Narrator (could be becuase I cant shut up) Cant think what else the idea of standing my fat self in front of people makes me cringe
Q17. how many kid's do you want?
All of mine that live in heaven,Lukas and a girl
Q18. music you dislike most?
Anything without words to sing along with
Q19. you registered to vote?
yes
Q20. you have cable?
We have sky is that the same?
Q21. ever prank call anybody?
No not my style
Q22. would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Neither I don't like heights and I wouldn't be allowed to do either anyway because of the medical issues
Q23. do you have a garden?
Yes the one at home has an 8ft trampoline and is gorgeous the one here is tiny with two sheds and Lukas's toys lol
Q24. whats your favorite comic?
Don't read comics
Q25. bath or shower? morning or night?
Bath does 3am count as Morning or Night?
Q26. best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
In the army now that was funny
Q27. best pizza topping?
Pepporoni,Sweetcorn,Ham,Pineapple and Extra Cheese
Q28. peanuts or popcorn?
Popcorn salted or sweet
Q29. have you ever smoked?
No
Q30. orange juice or apple?
Tesco value apple juice, Iceland orange juice so depends where I am shopping lol
Q31. chocolate bar?
Yes please lol Galaxy,Chomps, Curly Whirlys
Q32. when was the last time you voted?
Cant remember but since Lukas was born because he came with me
Q33. when was the last time you ate a home grown tomato?
Never don't like tomatoes unless they are puree or canned and cooked lol
Q35. ever order anything from infomercial?
My Mormon bible lol
Q36. sprite or 7up?
Sprite because its usually on special
Q37. have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/ school?
Yes school and work
Q38. ever thrown up in public?
No
Q39. would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
I dont know because you can lose both I suppose being a millionaire I could have my true love at home with me all the time (lukas and mark)
Q40. do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes even if you don't realise it at the time.
Q41. who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Marks brother when he nearly died
Q42. did you have alot of hair as a baby?
I can't remember one of us did and the other two didn't will ask Nan tomorrow
Q43. what do you think about most?
Leo
Q44. favorite form of traveling?
I don't think I have one they all involve effort
Q45. if you could have one magical power what would it be?
To be able to go to heaven and get my babies back and make Nan immortal so she would never leave me.
hmm May as well do more UKS Blog Prompts as well
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